The Calm of the Storm

The Calm of the Storm

By Michael Irving

July 9, 2021

“You will want to take shelter quickly. The rain and hail will hit any minute,” the officer yelled over the deep bass of the crackling thunder in the sky.

He rushed to his car alongside his partner, signaled to indicate that he was entering traffic, then casually drove off as though this was another part of his day. If he let it get to him, then he would end up like me I suppose.

The other driver I “met” that day put his hand on my shoulder in reassurance and asked, “Will you be okay?”

I nodded and replied, “Yeah,” and he casually drove off as well. The physical and emotional damage he experienced appeared to be less than mine.

There was a terrible storm about to spill over, this man just suffered a rear-end collision thanks, or no thanks I suppose, to me, and he was asking how I was doing. How fortunate could I be in such an unfortunate situation?

I was left on the side of a busy road three miles from home. My car had just been towed away. The impact continued to reverberate in my head as though my skull had bounced off of a concrete wall over and over again. I could still taste the dust of the airbag after it popped. My heart thrashed below my rib cage. I their chatter, my teeth sounded like a 1980s newsroom with countless typewriter keys thrashing away to meet a deadline.

My panic and bewilderment as to where I would go next and the shock of the impact from the destruction of my vehicle swirled like a warm and cold front in my mind. I truly felt as though I was in the middle of a funnel cloud and could not make out what was around me. This psychological storm triggered another round of tears and sucking gasps for air in my shock and despair. I could not distinguish my tears from the rain. As much as I hoped the rain would camouflage my childlike feeling abandonment, my unmistakable stuttering as I sobbed, gave my state of childlike emotional dependency away. 

I was late for work and looking in every direction except straight as I exceeded the speed limit on the busiest road in the city. Everyone and everything around me became the object of my blame and formulated excuses in my mind as to why I was late.

“I took longer in the bathroom than I expected.”

“There was a traffic jam on Southeast 14th Street and no one would let me pass.”

“The road was slick and I tried to go as fast as I could, but if I drove any faster I would have had an accident.”

I, notoriously, was known for taking longer in the bathroom than others, but I still had plenty of time to make it to work without being on this day. 

There was a lot of traffic on the road, but the traffic jam was after the fact—as in, my accident caused the traffic jam. 

The road was slick, but only after the accident as that was when the rain began. Yet, I did drive faster than I should have and, in fact, did have an accident. Thus, my preconceived excuses became my reality.

“Clap, clap, booooom.”

My preoccupation with shock and despair was startled by the actual storm around me as pellets of hail the size of mothballs rained down with a painful intensity. We often try to run from the storms in our lives though never truly outrun them. It is what we find within us and around us that determines our survival wherever we are.

I ran to the nearest building I could see, which, thankfully, was a Burger King restaurant less than a block away. Yet, the shelter it offered was not as instrumental in my survival as was the kindness of those inside.

As soon as I swung the front door open and leaped inside to escape the onslaught of rain, thunder, high winds, lightning, and hail, I was greeted by a young man in uniform with dark glasses that were slipping down the bridge of his nose. In his outstretched hand, he held a small cardboard cup.

“Would you like a cup of water?” he asked just before he caught his glasses to prevent them from falling to the floor.

“Sure. Th…th…thank you,” I stuttered between gasps of air as I looked at the floor to hide the overwhelming emotions present on my face.

The instinctual kindness of this young man led me to believe that he witnessed the entire car accident and my emotional breakdown that followed. 

“Have a seat anywhere you like and stay for as long as you need,” he said without expecting me to order anything. 

I walked to the back and found a booth by the window with my back to the front of the restaurant to conceal my emotions. I slid across the seat to the wall just below the window from my pants being so damp. While I sat there, I tried to discern if my shivering was a combination of feeling cold from the rain or the result of my emotional shock from the accident. 

I could hear the playful chatter of the employees behind the counter. Business was slow, most certainly due to the storm, and they seemed to be doing their best to pass the time. 

As I looked outside, I noticed that the hail had stopped, yet the thunder, lightning, and heavy rain continued. I watched raindrops race each other down the window and realized at that moment, for the first time in months, that I had nowhere else I had to rush myself to be without being late. 

I then looked around the restaurant and the fluorescent lights seemed brighter as I adjusted my eyes to the contrast of the light in the room in comparison to the darkness outside of the window where I had been looking. I realized that I had stopped shivering as well and grew comfortable with the warmth of the fluorescent lights and the calm of being sheltered from the storm. Yes, the storm kept me from leaving. Yet, the storm was my calm as I gathered myself. And, even more than my physical surroundings, the kindness of that employee was my shelter.