Parts for Hearts

The library was where I liked to spend most of my time. Though, within the pages of the books wasn’t where I’d say I felt most comforted. Yes, I’d always loved forgetting myself between paragraphs, but the library itself was so grandiose it wasn’t necessary to pick up a good book for someone to find themself astray. The room was circular, though it wasn't the first thing noticed by students based on how large the room was and how tall the shelves were; one would’ve had to have been against the wall to notice the curvature. The floors along the walls were subtly slanted upward, disguising a ramp that would take one up about twenty flights before they realized they had left the first floor. The bookshelves themselves had conformed to the slanting and weaved in awkward maze-like patterns that disoriented those who were unfamiliar with the architecture. While anyone would’ve been able to tell that the library wasn’t simply one level by standing in the middle of the first floor, when they were focused on the contents of the shelves, the library would pull them in and take them where it had wanted them to go.

Oblivious freshmen students would often get lost within the labyrinth to the point that the campus security would sweep the library every night before locking up. I could’ve recounted how many levels the library was at the time, sure, but now all that’s left of it is a memory. I’m not saying my school’s library no longer exists, rather that I am the one who no longer exists. When I say the library was where I liked to spend most of my time, I mean that that was where I liked to spend most of my time before I noticed Abilene.

Abilene was a transfer student, which was a detail that wouldn’t have been acknowledged by other students if her parents weren’t known aristocrats. I was never one to consider wealth, especially considering our school wasn’t exactly for the poor. However, it was obvious that even within one of the most elite private schools, there was still ranking among us. I had never considered where my family’s wealth fell within my school’s social hierarchy, however, if it was anything worth noting, I wouldn’t have been able to conceal my existence by simply jumping between shadows as I had during my time there. This was evident to me once the extravagant campus doors were opened to her midway through the first semester of our junior year. She was crowded, and crowned by our peers. Inevitably, Abilene would be devoured.

…

I liked to watch as the social order was reconstructed around Abilene, so much so that I’d find myself where she was more often than I would find myself at the library. I don’t think she ever noticed my presence, no one else ever did whenever Abilene was in a room. She didn’t seem concerned with the goings on around her, she was always elsewhere. Her grey eyes would be focused at the clouds swirling outside of the window-lined classrooms. In the common room of the girls dormitories, she would bob her head at the swarm of girls around her, but she was never there. She wasn’t aloof, she was kind and gentle to the girls despite their buzzing. She was able to lose herself despite the hive that was being built around her; she never appeared trapped in her status, but more so floating just above it. It was as if she were in the eye of a hurricane, and I was outside of the storm's path entirely. I wanted to reach the eye, and understand how she was able to find solitude even as the center of all attention; or maybe I wanted to whisk her away and become lost with her, as I always assumed she desired to be lost.

I’d find her as alone as she could possibly be when she was tending to the greenhouse with the gardening club. I ended up joining in order to be permitted unlimited access to the greenhouse as all other garden club members were granted. The greenhouse was the only place Abilene ever appeared to be on the ground. Pruning and harvesting was where she was home, it was the furthest she was from her storm. From my dorm room window, I would sometimes see her sneak down there at night. Sometimes I would follow, other times I’d feel guilty, and grant her the space she yearned for. The last time she’d gone to the greenhouse at night was different; she needed to be watched. She was stumbling across the courtyard barefoot, wearing nothing but her nightgown. I had to make sure she was alright.

When I’d crept through the glass door, I was careful to tread light, balancing on my toes. I concealed myself between the rows of foliage as I followed the sound of her bare feet padding in erratic movements across the cool concrete. She was faced in front of the workbench when I caught up to her. A small paper slipped between her slender fingers, whirling to the ground like the leaves of the plants she’s pruned circle before falling upon the soil. My attention moved from the paper back to her hands, which were then clenching a structure that appeared to be only slightly bigger than her fist. She rotated the structure, to analyze it, which provided me with a better view. The metal and wood contorted together to form what appeared to be a sculpture of a heart. The valves and veins all seemed to be metal while the muscle and tissue all appeared to be wood. Nothing about that sculpture was electric, yet a soft glow emitted from it. Before I could‘ve deciphered the source of the glow, Abilene jutted out her arms, then slammed the structure into her chest. I jumped to my feet and reached toward her, but I didn’t get a chance to yell before the transformation was complete. It was a flash, but it was contorted. The combining of the two seemed more of an emulsion than an intertwining. Immediately, she whipped her head toward my direction, not only seeing me, but locking eye contact with me. She was no longer stumbling or slouching, but standing up straight, wearing a hard and cold expression. Her grey eyes held mine for a few seconds, then she turned and strided away. I scrambled to snatch the slip that she’d dropped, but crumpled it into a small pocket. At the time, I was too stunned to read what it could’ve said. That wasn’t how I’d imagined I’d be noticed by her, though even now I’m unsure whether that was her noticing me or looking at me.

…

The days following I had decided to keep my distance. It wasn’t unless we happened to be in the same settings that I would observe her, however it was becoming less and less now that she was no longer attending gardening club meetings or lunches. I didn’t know what that object was; given Abilene’s shifted behaviors, I assumed it was some sort of anchor. She was no longer wandering in the clouds, but commandeering her workers. It didn’t make sense. The paper she’d dropped that night had read:

“Meet me where your desires are most alive. Embrace me, and we will chase those desires forever.”

I couldn’t make sense of it, because embracing her status as queen wasn’t what I would imagine she had desired, but then again, I had never even spoken with her. What if my perception of her was utterly wrong? But everything about that night seemed so eerie, what if she was in danger? Wasn’t I the only one who had looked out for her? It’s not like her hive had ever noticed anything beside her status, someone should’ve been looking out for her, so I did.

…

I decided I needed to start keeping tabs on her again, and it wasn’t long before I discovered the origins of the structure Abilene forced into her chest that night in the greenhouse. Every evening, I’d begun to park myself in a plush recliner next to the cozy fireplace within the common room of the girls dormitory. I found that Abilene had a new nightly routine; a routine that involved creeping out of the dormitories ten minutes before midnight, which is also ten minutes before the school library closes each night. After about a week of observing Abilene’s new routine from the common room, I decided to shift my stakeout location to the library, in case my hunch was correct.

I left the dormitory at twenty of midnight; this afforded myself an extra ten minutes to find a place I could keep my eyes peeled for Abilene and it was late enough that the security guards would have already swept the first floor. Sure enough, ten minutes after I’d arrived, Abilene sauntered in. Her step was so light that one might have mistaken her for flying as she made her way up the levels. I trailed her through the maze, though I’d struggled to maintain stealth while also keeping up with Abilene’s speed. As we approached the school records section, Abilene slowed. Without having skipped a beat, she reached for the earliest school record kept in the library, flicked it downward with her forefinger, then vanished. A hatch had opened beneath her feet sending her free falling somewhere unknown—unknown to me at least. The moment she was out of sight, the record book resumed its place on the shelf and the floor closed up.

I stepped around the disappearing flooring to examine the book. There wasn’t any noticeable technology to explain how the book is connected to the opening of the trap door. However, it was possible for me to hold the book down and keep the trap door open. As I held the entrance open, I was able to see metal tubing which Abilene must have slid down. To prevent the risk of blowing my cover, I had decided to attempt to listen to whatever was happening below. I heard exchanges between Abilene and other classmates, though it was hard to decipher who was speaking as the voices echoed through the tubing. Abilene's voice was the most distinguishable out of the ones I heard; it seemed that she was still near the opening of the metal shute.

A male voice was mid-speech, “…has now been a week since Abilene Alpin completed our ritual conjoinment successfully!” The speaker paused, having allowed the room to lightly clap. “Before her conjoinment, we harvested her temporary flesh cardiovascular system, and have kept it beating here as Alpin’s system was given time to take to the upgraded, longer lasting heart. Once her induction into the Most Affluent Families with Extended Lives Society is complete, Abilene will be immortal along with the rest of us and our families.” Another pause for clapping.

Before I was able to process what I’d heard, I was restrained and gagged by two sets of arms. The arms were muscular and firm, nothing I could have fought against, though I still attempted to no avail. The hatch stayed open despite my arm having been forced from it, I assumed that there was a third person there that kept it open.

The speaker had continued his speech as I thrashed against the two sets of arms. “As everyone here knows, in order for her to complete the final stage of our induction, intertwinement, Abilene must feed her heart to the peasants.” I was kicked down the metal tubing as everyone in the room roared; maybe it was my head banging against the tubing that made the other members' cheers sound like roars. Before I was able to process the fact that I’d fallen face first onto mahogany flooring, I was lifted by several sets of arms and strapped into a chair. A small metal table was being set up in front of me as I scanned the room. There were about fifteen classmates that I recognized within the room, standing alongside me or restraining me. A few hundred chairs extended back in the room filled with people—young and old—that wore uniforms that had matched our school’s. The walls were plastered with paintings of what I assumed to be past members of the Most Affluent Families with Extended Lives Society; though if what they had said about immortality was true, I thought it was safe to say that those portrayed in the paintings are still living. Before I was able to take in any more of the scene, Abilene was in front of me, she held a platter of red meat.

I heard murmurs rise among the audience; to these the speaker—who was a classmate of mine—explained: “While I understand that traditionally, the heart would be fed to ravenous peasants, this is a special case. You see, the student in front of me has been lurking, incessantly stalking our Abilene. In front of you all today is someone who sticks her nose up at the elite, yet yearns to become us so greatly that she won’t let Abilene rest without fright.“ Stricken by those words, I stared at Abilene, I looked for some sort of clue that she had been feeling what our classmate was relaying to the crowd; but her expression was full of nothing.

He continued, “While this student may not be of the working class, her family’s status is not comparable to the families who sit in this room. This adjustment to the induction is to remind the elite in front of us that anyone who isn’t one of us, regardless of their wealth, still turns the cogs that fuel our empires.” At that, the crowd's mood had changed, they clapped firmly to display their pride. Abilene approached me then to remove my gag. “Now, ladies and gentlemen, what we’ve all been waiting for, intertwinement!” The room hollered as Abilene picked up the flesh from the platter she was holding, then thrust it into my face.

Blood filled my sinuses as she suffocated me with the raw meat. My lips pressed together as I had refused to take a bite. Abilene yanked her hand back, which revealed to me that it was an actual heart she had attempted to feed me. I realized that the heart Abilene had been carrying was her own.

“Eat.” Abilene commanded, her voice was indifferent. She began to move her hand back towards my face,

“Wait!” I yelled. The rest of the room was too busy chanting to notice, but Abilene heard, and waited. “I don’t understand, how is this chasing what you desire!” Her face didn’t react, but she replied,

“How isn’t this what I desire?”

“You desire freedom!” I shouted, “You want to be lost, to get away and live a life for yourself, how is becoming a part of this place what you desire?” Abilene smiled a sad smile, and it was the last time I saw any trace of the Abilene I knew.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Jaqueline, all I’ve ever desired is a sense of belonging. Simply, all I had to do was embrace the life I was given to understand that it is my right to be where I am now.”

“You… know my name?” The crowd had become impatient at that point, they’d started demanding Abilene feed me her heart.

“I used to know your name. After intertwinement, everyone outside of this room will no longer exist to me, only parts will.”

“Parts?” A standing classmate had begun to approach us.

“Everyone outside of this room plays a role in turning the wheel that ensures the survival of the elite, whether it be literally or figuratively. You will understand soon.”

That student made her way up to us and slammed her palms on the table. “You!” She glared at me, “If you don’t start chewing, you will die suffocating on this heart, do you understand?” My head jerked quick enough to imply yes, and the girl stormed away.

“Eat.”

I drowned in Abilene’s blood and the elite’s howls.

…

When I was conscious again, I found myself chained to a large wheel with a handle attached next to me. As I looked around me, I saw only others with similar fates, pushing handles of cogs that all intertwined with one another. I got up, not wanting to know what would happen if I didn’t match what those around me were doing. The cogs I turn, I tell myself, are the parts of Abilene’s heart that still beat.