Decisions

Willa emerges into a hallway with two doors, she enters the door on her right. 

That was the moment I simply came to be, and as far as I knew, the moment everything else did as well. 

What are you waiting for? She enters the door on her right. 

Blink, breathe, hand twitch, wet lip. Actions, movements, things that I was doing, me.

Willa. 

The door on her right, Willa enters it. 

What? What was happening? 

Door? 

There was a door, in fact there were two. Plain wooden ones with white trim framing them and a brass knob.  

Plain? How did I know this made them plain? Why did it make them plain? 

How did I know it was a door? 

I was in a room almost as bland as the door. Filing cabinets overflowing with paper lined one wall, two windows cut out of the other. I noticed that the light seeping out of them was bright white, nothing visible. Why was this strange to me? 

Listen to the narrator, Willa. She entered the door on her right. 

I entered the door on my left.

I was unaware of the fact that I was moving until I was through the door, and then everything felt more normal, felt more natural. I walked, quite easily actually, my feet knew exactly where to go, as if this was a practiced action. All my concerns went away, and I truly felt comfortable. 

That was when I knew, there had been a past before this. The way a smile crawled up my face in reaction to the rebellious glint I felt in my chest, and how my back straightened with pride and my fists slid into balls. I had led a life of rebellion before this, this wasn’t the first.

Then why did it feel this way? 

This was not the correct way to go, Willa knew this. She was just taking a detour to get a look at the lobby, why wouldn’t she? 

There was indeed a lobby. Shamrock colored chairs and fake plants filled the otherwise empty room, making it bland as well. 

I stopped wondering why.

Willa was glad she made the detour, it truly was a glorious room. But eager to get back on track, she exits through the hallway in front of her and turns into the open door at the end of the hall. 

Did I?

Chasing this strangely familiar rebelion, I padded into the hallway looking to go through any door that was not at the end of the hall. 

Locked, all of them. It was almost as if I could hear the smugness of the narrator.

Willa took her time exploring the hallway, trying every door. Looking for clues possibly. This did nothing to help the plot of the story, though. 

I froze. Plot? Story? 

Whatever. 

I finally came to the open door at the end of the hall, and walked through it. I emerged into another hallway. 

Willa then enters the open third door on her left. 

I didn’t bother trying the other doors. Walking through the open door left a sour taste in my mouth, but I had no other options. I emerged into a-

Willa emerges into the meeting room.

For a meeting room it was, well...empty. Generic black rolling chairs under a cheap plastic table faced a white board hanging on the pale green walls. 

The narrator had a different idea for empty, though.

Willa noticed that all her coworkers were gone, what could this mean?

It was true that I hadn’t seen anyone, but that wasn’t strange to me, nor concerning. I was used to living alone. 

I was? 

Willa decided to look for her coworkers, so she walked through the open door on the opposite side of the room.

There was no other exit. I walk through the open door on the opposite side of the room walking in front of the blank white board. The urge to rebel was eating me up inside, I was oblivious to why. I found it harder to walk each step, having to fight the rebellion inside me before placing the next foot down. 

Will emerges into the shipping area of the office building.

This building was formatted very weirdly. I didn’t care how I knew that. 

Willa walks onto the lift and stays on it the whole time to reach the other side. 

I place a foot tentatively on the metal flooring, observing my surroundings carefully. It was a large, open space with metal floors and walls. I noticed the floor just stopped a few yards in front of me, dropping off to another section on the floor that I couldn’t see from where I was. 

Then I saw the lift. It was one of those cargo lifts used to move heavy boxes. Stationed on a track, it was waiting to be loaded on the edge of the drop off. 

I did not want to get on the lift. My refusal to get on the machine had nothing to do with the lift itself, but rather with the voice telling me to get on it. 

Willa spots the lift, and gets on it. 

As if it could hear my thoughts, the narrator reinforced his wishes. So I reinforced mine. 

No.

I whipped around reaching for a door that wasn’t there, why wasn’t it there? For the first time the narrator said nothing about my struggle. My fingers were left scraping at the blank drywall grasping a door that simply didn’t exist anymore. A whimper escaped through my lips. I turned around slowly, pressing my back against the wall.

Willa steps onto the lift.

Like hell I do. My eyes started searching desperately for any other option, any escape other than what everything around me was pointing to, the lift. The room contained nothing, the metal walls were starting to feel like prison bars, but something screamed that the lift was not the escape. They also screamed another thing; 

Do not listen to the narrator. 

Willa gets on the lift, and stays on it the entire duration of the trip and makes it safely to the other side.

I refused to listen to the narrator. Picking about the narrator’ words, I felt an idea forming...‘Stay on the lift the whole time’

Then, I got an idea. I charged at the lift an idea blossoming in my head like a flower. I felt the vibration of the lift under my feet as it began to move steadily forward. My flower took up all of the space in my brain, I was thrilled at the idea of going against the narrator once more.  I finally got the chance to see the floor below my feet. It must have been at least forty feet drop. The flower froze mid-blossom. 

That was until-

Willa stays on the lift the whole time.

Do not listen to the narrator. 

The two demands were said at the same time.My flower was crumbling as a realization slapped me in the face. In my attempt to not listen to the narrator, I was listening to someone else, the same voice that was now telling me one thing. 

Jump.

A sudden feeling of unbalance spread through me causing my hands to shoot out to grab railings that didn’t exist, my knees buckled and my heart took off. 

Jump, jump, jump.

Stay on the lift.

The two seperate demands thundered through me with such force that I felt myself getting light headed. Sliding to the ground my fingers slid in between the grids of the lift for support as it inched forward to the exiting platform. 

I couldn’t jump could I? It didn’t matter if I remembered nothing from a past life I must have lived, I knew that if I jumped, I would…

What would happen?

What would happen if I stayed? Would I lead the rest of my time following around this narrator like some sort of sick puppy? Forever looking for the small freedoms I could experience in these minor rebellions? 

Did I even enjoy the rebellion or was it…

It must be me, right? Who was I? 

Jump. 

And then I was falling. I don’t quite remember making the decision, or my feet leaving the ground, or the scream that tore through my throat as I did. 

Maybe it was because it didn’t happen. 

I fell silently, flailing silently, struggling silently, both of the voices that had previously been tearing me apart fell silent as well as if in awe. All that was left was the slow thud of my heart, and the sluggish movement of blood through my veins as if my body had given up trying to get me to listen as well.

As wind tore at my skin as if it was trying to push me back up, and the hiss of air flooded my ears, one thought resonated in my braid, one that belonged to me. 

I should have gone through the door on the right. 

I hit the ground with a sickening thud and was dead almost immediately. 

~~~~

Willa emerges into a hallway with two doors, she enters the door on her right. 

That was the moment I simply came to be, and as far as I knew, the moment everything else did as well. 

 Willa enters the door on her right. 

Blink, breath, twitch, wet lip, things that I was doing, me-

Listen to the narrator, Willa.

What? 

Willa enters the door on her right. 

My moment of silence was interrupted by two distinct voices, both of them demanding the same thing yet managing to contradict each other. 

What was going on? What had they said about a door? There was a door, in fact they were too. They looked plain, cheap false wood lined in white trim with a simple brass knob. 

Why did this make them plain?-

Go through the door on your right. 

Willa enters the door on her right.

The two separate demands thundered through me so powerfully that I felt lightheaded. Stumbling slightly I did something I had not done before, I took a step forward. Then everything felt normal, felt natural. I walked, quite easily actually, my feet knew exactly where to go, as if this was a practiced action. All my concerns went away, and I truly felt comfortable. 

I was closer to the doors. 

Listen to the narrator. 

Willa enters the door on her right.

I was frozen once more, in the center between the two doors. My eyes shifted to the door on the left-

Listen to the narrator Willa, do not go through that door. 

Why did the voice suddenly sound like that? Dripping desperation and agony that it had not shown before? My eyes scanned the door on the left curiously searching for some sort of beast or the sizzle of lava, something dangerous that would explain why I simply couldn't go through it.

Suddenly, I gasped as a feeling of…falling hit me. For a second, fear and adrenaline coursed through my veins after nothing but a...what was that? 

A memory. 

Listen to the narrator, Willa. Do not go through that door. 

I entered the door on my right.