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Fiction Funny

‘’For goodness sake, come on, you can’t be serious?’’ she questioned him. He had been telling them all about the lady who passed today and peered over her sunglasses at him, and winked. ‘’I am serious, I saw her do it!’’ he cried. ‘’You’ll have a job,’’ she hushed under her breath, ‘’Mr no eyes, and anyway why was she wearing sunglasses indoors?!’’ The rest of the room fell about laughing, she smiled knowingly, they were still more favoured towards her, than him.

She was proud of her looks; tidy hair under scarves, no need for lipstick as her lips were a rosy blush colour naturally and she even made sure she always had her dangly pearl earring in for guests. He, old Patroclus, with absolutely no regard for guests, sat there with his back to them and not one item of clothing. Their friends were a mixed bunch, but all ten of them had something in common. Nocturnals. They all came alive when the moon was shining. Tonight was no different, but once Patroclus had settled down and stopped his boasting, they had a more serious matter to debate. There was talk, as overheard by the Bathers, that Mr and Mrs Andrews were going to be moved. Mr Andrews summoned everyone’s attention with a loud, purposeful clear of the throat. ‘’You know what we need to discuss, and we need to discuss it now. Bathers, did the human say where they were planning to move us to?’’ he asked, his tone of voice formal, and sharp. The bathers all mumbled a sort of reply that told them all they hadn’t really heard where, just that the plan was to move. ‘’Well, I think this is atrocious!’’ the girl with the pearl earring cried out. ‘’We all do!’’ The rest of the paintings chorused. ‘’Very well,’’ Mrs Andrews said quickly, ‘’ but that isn’t going to stop us moving… we need a plan.’’ 

Over the next couple of hours, the ten paintings formulated a plan. The first couple of ideas were terrible, and unfeasible, but then they hit upon the golden idea. They would somehow fake Mr and Mrs Andrews, and get that one moved, not the real one. Now it was just a case of how. How do ten paintings create a new painting, over night, without ruining themselves for the guests the next day? It was Napoleon who came up with the idea of all ten of them moving, let the gallery staff think they’d been stolen, distract them, then sort it out whilst the staff were distracted which would give them an extra night or two. ‘’What an adventure!’’ Hercules shouted joyfully. ‘’No, you wally, this isn't an adventure, this is necessary so our friends, remember, Mr and Mrs Andrews, do not get moved away from us.’’ The girl with the pearl pearl earring hissed. 

‘’Of course,’’ he replied, ‘’ but still, how exciting for us to all do something as a group, the Nocturnals have a plan!’’ The girl with the pearl earring sighed, ‘he is so dense this chap, he really doesn’t understand the motive.’ she thought. 

So, two nights later, the adventure began. One by one, as the clock ticked and chimed, the paintings hopped down from their hooks, and waddled to the ‘meeting point’ they had all decided. The girl with the pearl earring began to get impatient, Patroclus was wanting everyone to shut their eyes whilst he manoeuvred himself to them and for him to be last, so no one saw his bits… ‘’Really?’’ she demanded, ‘’You can’t think any of us actually care what the front of you looks like? Hurry up, this is for Mr and Mrs Andrews, not you!!’’ she scowled at him. Mrs Andrews piped up, ‘’It’s nothing I haven’t seen before if you’re worrying, I won’t judge!’’ she giggled. One by one they met at the meeting point. Finally, when all ten of them were there, Napoleon ordered them for the next bit, ‘’we now need to find hiding places, not somewhere obvious, and not somewhere the staff here are likely to look.Remember we are aiming to make them think stolen!’’   

The paintings waddled off, there was a store room, with a door at the back of it, and Napoleon sussed it out, and through there door there was a tiny gap, in which he thought three of them could slot into. Three down, seven to go. Then, there were the two staff rooms, both of which had two windows in and heavy, velvety curtains lined the white frames of the windows. Napoleon instructed one behind each curtain, going by the layer of dust particles, no one ever moved the curtains.  Seven down, three to go. Finally, there was the lift engineer cupboard. Plenty of room in there for the three of them. All ten hidden. Now all they had to do was wait. They could talk in the groups, but the adventure had lost its appeal. ‘’How long are we going to be here for?’’ ‘’ Why does it matter, it’s better than losing Mr and Mrs Andrews!’’ ‘’It’s just, it’s a bit cramped.’’ ‘’Well, shuffle up a bit there, stretch your frame out.’’   ‘’Do you think the staff will find us?’’ ‘’what if they do, will we be in trouble?’’ The questions kept pouring until they all heard footsteps. ‘’Who’s that?’’ whispered the Girl with the Pearl Earring to Napoleon, ‘’I don’t know, but I am guessing it’s Harrison, as he is normally the first person in each morning.’’ He calculated whether or not Harrison was likely to see some or all of them were missing. The room they all shared was now bare, not one painting left of the wall. 

Harrison trudged through the Gallery. He loved working here, and had loved it ever since his first day eight years ago. He felt an instant connection to lots of the art here, and he was proud of the display they held. He loved creating displays, and although he had no proof, he was sure the paintings could talk. His heart swelled, he knew it was moving day for Mr and Mrs Andrews soon, though he wasn’t entirely comfortable with them moving - he felt like they were his parents, forever marked in art. He made his first coffee and wandered to their room, he’ll have a chat with them, make sure they know the move wasn’t his idea, he had time before they opened in an hour, he had time before Eleanor came in shortly. 

They weren’t there. None of the paintings were. The room was bare, white walls, hooks, and nothing else. There were no markings anywhere, normally after a break in there is damage somewhere, but there was no sign of it. Harrison, shocked, decided to retrace his steps, ‘had he imagined this? Had he missed the damage on his way from the main door?’ he quickly wracked his memory, but nothing sprang into it. He was shuffling along the corridor towards the main door, and Eleanor appeared. ‘’Eleanor, I’m glad you’re here, I think…  We have a problem.’’ He stuttered, did they have a problem, or was he imagining it? ‘’What’s the problem?’’ Eleanor asked gently. ‘’It can’t be there’s no water, as you have a coffee.’’ ‘’No, larger scale problem,’’ Harrison corrected her. Eleanor’s face fell. ‘’The paintings are missing.’’ Harrison said quickly, ‘’Look, come through.’’ They headed towards the room. There was no damage or markings anywhere, whoever has stolen the paintings has done a good job, so good, if Harrision hadn't gone to speak with Mr and Mrs Andrews, he wouldn’t have known. Harrison explained this to Eleanor as they moved into the painting’s room. ‘’Woah, I have never seen the bare walls.’’ Eleanor couldn’t believe her eyes, Harrison was right, there were no paintings, and no sign of a break in. 

Napoleon whispered to the Girl with the Pearl Earring, ‘’The plan, it’s working!!’’ 

March 18, 2024 12:52

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2 comments

LeeAnn Hively
03:40 Mar 27, 2024

I'm picturing paintings waddling away, and it's an adorable sight, quite frankly. Lovely story. Quirky and sweet.

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Alyce King
20:49 Mar 27, 2024

I am so glad you liked this image - it struck a chord with me too!! Hopefully others will like it too!!

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