Graduate

Mikey sat on a swing set in his cap and gown, letting the light of an ending day envelop him as he slowly rocked back and forth. The swingset was located in the park that he grew up around. Placed at the center of his neighborhood, it had always served as a gathering place for the kids in the neighborhood. A playground and jungle gym with three swing sets all set upon a raised patch of mulch, it was the ideal place for any bright eyed kid, a perfect place to make memories. But now it was nothing but a memory itself. 

Mikey stopped rocking to the wind and came to a pause in his swinging. He stared at the mulch beneath his feet, he was so tall that now when he sat on the swings, his legs no longer dangled. That used to make it feel like he was truly flying. Now, it felt like he was permanently tethered to the ground.

Graduation day had brought many emotions. Most people would be feeling joy at the promise of a future now in their palms, but Mikey was different. He didn’t know what future he wanted, there were an infinite amount of paths for him to take and when looking down each and every one, they all seemed so daunting, impossible even. How was he ever supposed to decide which one was for him?

His anxiety about the existence of decisions was bubbling up inside of him, till he decided to release it by kicking the mulch beneath his feet in frustration, hoping that would at least do something. It, of course, did not.

A voice called from behind him, “I don’t know what the mulch did to deserve that, but whatever is, something tells me it’s not really warranted.”

Mikey recognized that voice. He had recognized it for 10 years. He didn’t have to look back to know his best friend Ian was standing there, arms folded, watching him with a worried expression. 

Ian moved from behind Mikey and crossed to the swing right next to him and sat down with an exasperated sigh. How long had Ian been searching for him? He let his feet dangle there, they could’ve touched the ground, but what’s the point of touching the ground while on a swing?

Mikey still kept his eyes glued on to the mulch. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

Ian raised an eyebrow as he said back, “I could ask you the same thing man. It’s graduation day. The day we’ve been working towards for the past, what, twelve years? You should be out celebrating, parties or dinners with friends and family.” He nodded his head towards the empty playground. “Not spending it here, kicking… mulch for whatever reason.”

Mikey had no response for him other than a grunt. He didn’t know how to describe why he was here either. What could he say to Ian to make being here alone acceptable? Nothing entered his brain. So they sat in silence for a little while longer.

Ian broke the silence with another question. “Is everything okay man? You’ve been off lately, not just today but for like the past month.” He let the question linger. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

“I know.” Mikey sometimes felt like he didn’t deserve a friend like Ian. There would never be enough good words in this world to properly describe this man. But if anyone could make some new words fitting enough, it would be Ian himself. 

Mikey looked at Ian, meeting his eyes for the first time this evening and asked him a question. “Do you know what you want?”

Ian simply replied, “For you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“Not that,” Mikey groaned. “I mean like, for your future. Your career, your life. What do you want out of those?”

Ian looked away and to the sky for a moment and seemed to think about this question. “Hm,” He started, “Well, becoming a chemical engineer I guess. That’s my plan.”

“And do you enjoy engineering?” Mikey asked.

“I mean, I enjoy physics and math, and I enjoy a lot of money. But I’ve never actually done the job so it’s hard to tell.” He sighed, and then began speaking again. “It’s the path I chose, and I’m content with that. I think I’m at peace with this future.”

Mikey looked up and watched the horizon. “And you know this to be the right choice?”

Ian joined his gaze and watched the sun slowly lower itself, letting the moon take its place in the world. “I don’t. But I believe it is, and that’s really all I need to know that it's the decision I should take, even if it isn’t the right one.”

“And if it isn’t the right one?” Mikey asked, “What do you do then?”

Ian responded with a shrug and said, “Then I choose something else.” 

Silence fell over them for a time again. Ian felt that if he wasn’t the one to break the silence now, it'd only become even stronger till it was unbreakable. Time to tackle it head on. 

Mikey felt Ian’s gaze transfer over to him. There was no avoiding it so he decided to meet his eyes. He could give him that much, at least. 

“You’re scared of growing up, aren’t you?” Ian started, “That’s why you’re back here?”

Mikey looked back towards the playground just to the left of them. “Yeah, all of these choices leading out of our adolescence overwhelmed me. So I decided I just wanted somewhere familiar, somewhere that still felt the same as it always had.”

Ian looked towards the playground where they used to play. “And does it?” He asked.

Mikey took in a deep breath and let it out, having it be carried by the wind. “No, it doesn’t. It feels dead now.”

It looked it too. The playground wasn’t used as much anymore. The neighborhood was expanding fast, and so they put new playgrounds all around the sprawling community, making the older, more worn option less desirable when compared with its competition. The playground was now, too, nothing but a memory.

“If given the option to, would you stay here forever? Standing still, never moving forward?” Ian asked, hoping to get deeper into his friend's psyche. He’d take anything at this point. 

Mikey opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated again. It took him a couple seconds to figure out what he wanted to say. “No,” he started, “that’s not what I want. I want to see the path ahead of me, even if it isn’t the one I wanted, I would at least like to know what I’m getting into when I wake up tomorrow morning.

“Now that it’s over, I don’t know where to go. A month ago I knew that I just had to wake up and go to class and yeah that can still be a part of my future, but there’s also so much more. How do I know that I’m doing it right, that I’m gonna lead my life to the place where I want it to be?”

Ians’ reply was simple, “You mess up. That’s all you can really do.” 

Mikey snorted and said, “Hey so that’s actually the total opposite of what I’m trying to do here.”

Ian answered quickly, as if he was almost prepared for Mikeys’ response. “You gotta make mistakes man, it’s necessary. If we were meant to get everything right the first time, human life would only last a mere decade. But instead, we have multiple, we were born to do wrong, so that way we can end it doing right.”

Mikey stared into the sun. It was almost gone now, with only its light now visible over the wooden fences that surrounded neighboring houses. Mikey thought about Ian’s words and asked one last question, “What if I make a decision so bad, it messes everything else up?”

“Well,” Ian said, “that’s why I’m here, to help you fix those mistakes. But I believe you’re smart enough to avoid those,” Ian looked towards Mikey and flicked the brim of his graduation cap, “you did manage to graduate, after all.” 

They both chuckled at this response, knowing that graduating didn’t really mean anything. 

Well, maybe not anything.

Mikey wriggled out of the swing that was far too small for him and hopped off, kicking the mulch as he landed. Ian smiled and did the same. 

Looking at the diminishing light of the day, Mikey took off his cap and held it in his hands. “You’ve used that before, haven't you?”

Ian scrunched his brow and asked, “Used what?”

“That line,” Mikey replied, “about how we were made to make mistakes.”

Ian laughed and said, “Maybe once or twice, on a couple essays.”

Mikey looked towards his cap. Such a symbolic piece of clothing. The closing of one era in his life, and the ushering of a whole new one. He looked towards his friend, “Yeah well keep using it, ain’t half bad of a saying.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Ian replied, “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He began walking away from the sun, away from the light, but still seemed to know where he was going. Mikey did the same.

As he was catching up to Ian, Mikey took the cap in his hands and threw it up into the sky behind him, towards the light and out of their vision. Meeting the moon high in the air.

Maybe it’s because Mikey let his mind wander, but he never did hear that cap hit the ground.