Unlocked

Feeling its breath on the back of my neck, biting and icy, the gloom envelops me. The thrill of belonging to a shapeless mass makes me smile ear to ear. I've fought a lot against this darkness. It wasn't mine to begin with, it resisted me, I feared it.

Why couldn't I escape you? I wanted to flee this bleak space with its moisture-molded wooden walls and immerse myself in the outside world. There was no breath of life within these walls. Still young and foolish, I hoped to warm myself in my expectations. In search of some form of fun, comfort, warmth. And then I saw it, that faint glint. A thin ray of light, it crept through a slight crack. It was so hypnotic, despite its weakness, that I wanted to take it between my palms and plunge my face into it. However, as soon as I had passed the tip of my index finger through it, a sharp pain penetrated me.

At that moment, I was still unaware of my blessing. I grumbled at this allergy preventing me from embracing this warmth so lacking in my life. I grumbled at the day for not being able to appreciate and contemplate it, and I grumbled even more at the dull, redundant night. If the flames of the inferno were forbidden to me, then I wished that the inferno itself could not exist. Yes, this was the kind of madness we think and believe in when we're still too stupid to appreciate what we have. We need the other, the rest, elsewhere, the opposite.

Then, in small doses, glancing at it from afar, that lively glimmer in the crack, I ended up finding it just as boring as the stars. In the end, it struggled so uselessly to exist in this world, in these places, it was almost pathetic. I no longer wanted to go near it, not because it burned me, literally, but because I lost interest in it. Apart from the heat, what else did you have to offer?

Boiling water, scorching sun, blinding light, this spark paraded under a radiant face but only brought destruction. It had nothing positive, nothing good. No, it was there to bring suffering to me in particular, but also to others. Nobody benefited from this thing. But the shadows... Yes, the shadows... They were so fabulous. Dancing and infinite, they enveloped me tirelessly and without fail. A formless lover who let my imagination sculpt her, sculpt reality. This blackness plunged my soul into space and obliterated the restricted walls of this building. I became King of a vast kingdom. The cold that bristled my hair made me feel my heart, invigorated my will to live, heightened my senses tenfold, almost gave me euphoria. By living cloistered, I had a heightened vision, an invitation from the darkness to join its world and reign with greater strength.

Appearances were irrelevant in the shadows; anything was possible, if I wanted it to be.

As time went by, the heat from outside warming the planks became unbearable. The chirping of carefree birds tormented my ears. Only the gentleness and calm of the night soothed my soul. I could no longer endure the pit in my stomach. The emptiness called to me, understood me. I could feel my skin sticking to my bones, my muscles sliding between the floorboards. My lips cracked under the frost. The very warmth of my blood became a torment. Only the cold numbed my hunger and thirst. Only the cold extinguished my pain. Only the cold caressed my hand with tenderness. Such tenderness that I could no longer feel my fingers tingling, such tenderness that the heaviness of the world was forgotten.

Every morning was a torture. A new wave of radiance and relentless warmth that teased me through this meagre beam. I was like in an oven, a pie baked to perfection, my skin oozing, dripping. Without strength, beads of sweat ran down my face. My forehead was pounding. Volatile screams pierced my eardrums. I took refuge in the nooks and crannies to find my bride, my darkness and my kingdom.

Rainy days were the most fantastic. The drops falling through the ceiling scented the place with a divine freshness. Twirling in a waltz with the night, the downpour sang in its trickle. I loved to feel the icy water on my eyelids. I listened passionately to the symphonies of the rain. So melodious and crazy, I cherished it almost more than the darkness. But only darkness remained without failing me. Day, night, rain, sun, everything left, everything flickered, everything came and went. Only you, my love, could stay with me through thick and thin. If the world could be as faithful as you, men wouldn't dream of ideals and paradise.

You are so cursed, like me, to be hated by so many others, as I hated you too, when you are so loving. Please forgive me. My love, my darkness, swallow this unbearable heat and snuggle me in the winter that is yours. Save me. As my body weakens, bruised and hungry, I try desperately to remain faithful to you. My heart forebodes the end, beats with pain. Take me away. Time has lost its way, I don't know how long we've been having fun together, but please let it last a little longer. I can't move but at least I'm in your company.

It’s going to end isn’t it ? Will you be eternally by my side then ?

Child of the moon, married to the shadow by force but in love by choice. I love you.

When the authorities broke the lock, they found a frail figure huddled in the darkest corner of the remains of a hut. A young adult, sequestered by his family, had been sealed up, abandoned and forgotten there for weeks. The room was just a few square meters, with no exits, no windows, and reeked of death, dirt and sweat. And on this emaciated corpse we could see a huge smile.