Two wild hearts meet and learn the truth of things

Once upon a time, a tall fine looking predator man took a beautiful broken girl as his lover. He had wealth and privilege and knew very well how to impress a person like her, or anyone else for that matter.

Not that impressing her was difficult, mind you. She didn’t have much in the material sense of the word. A used car, clothes and worthless furniture. She had no boundaries between herself and others and no guard rails around her heart, she wore it on her sleeve.

Although in an adult body, she moved through the world like a naive child. Eyes full of wonder, heart wide open, trusting everyone.

He had wealth, status and privilege as white men do, but was unhappy at home. His marriage bed was cold and uninviting and had been for a while. He had a high powered job and the pressures of his life had him boxed in. He had responsibilities he didn’t ask for and often loathed to uphold. He needed a break, an escape, a moment or string of moments in a fantasy world where he could give no shits. Where he wasn’t held accountable, where he could let go and be himself in a more authentic way.

Because he was an apex predator, he saw her vulnerabilities. Maybe not with his mind, but he knew. He didn’t get where he was in life without recognizing opportunities and power dynamics. The girl, on the other hand, couldn’t say “no”. In fact the word “ no” was not in her vocabulary. “No” had never been a safe word to say.

She was all “yes”

He liked “yes”

She felt cared for by him in a twisted sort of way, the ways she had been cared for had always been a bit twisted.

He said sweet things and treated her kindly enough. Acknowledgment from a powerful man was actually quite intoxicating.

When they were together, their bodies understood the assignment. They carried on like it was the last 48 hours they would be drawing breath, they felt so electric and alive.

Her mind wasn’t too involved, but the body was all in and her heart followed suit.

His arms felt so good around her, at last she was safe and cared for at least for now.

These sensations and feelings couldn’t be wrong, could they? This must be love , she thought and her body agreed.

They had both found a fix, a way out of their lives. A secret island of refuge and delight. He was a smooth operator, when apart, he stayed in touch. He sent presents, he made her feel understood and valued.

In her defense, she didn’t know better. Had anything or anyone ever been this good? Not really, sadly enough.

Money is very attractive, particularly when you don’t have it. In those times, you know for sure that if you only had money, all your problems would be over. Money created ease in a persons life and ease was attractive to a stressed out broken girl.

When together, the outside world faded away. “Just ride the waves” she would whisper to him. “Don’t think too much, feel, just feel”. She showed him about how to feel. His other life was lived in compartments, feelings locked away. He liked her approach to life. He had never met anyone who lived like this before. Lived like they had nothing to lose. Because most people have something to lose, everyone he knew certainly did. She didn’t and there was a strange alluring sort of freedom to living this way ,he thought. She didn’t know any other way. He found it irresistible, he couldn’t get enough of her.

Their encounters were frequent for some years and then his world got too tight and they had to quit each other. The fallout was painful for both of them but especially for her. Her safe person was gone.

Decades past

Lives moved on

Their worlds consumed them

By chance, or maybe not, they resumed a tentative “ friendship “

25 years later

He still had his obligations and responsibilities. She , through a series of tragic events was again living a like she had nothing to lose. In the previous few years she had lost nearly everything that she cared about. She found

through the losses and during their years apart, however, a tiny sense of self.

When they met again over a meal, their bodies recognized each other. Their hearts also remembered the past. They recollected the great times they had in the past very warmly and he was game to begin again. This time, though, she didn’t feel quite right.

Her body responded “yes” but her heart had found some wisdom and knew there would be fallout coming. She knew no matter how great the together time would be, it would eventually end and the end was very very hard.

He upped the anti by bringing a feast, it was like he knew exactly how to entice her, of course he did, a trip to Paris.

She took the hook and spent a couple glorious weeks bathing in all the ways they could recreate their island from years ago. Poetry was written, Spotify song lists were created. Dreams were dreamed, plans were made and discussed, imaginations were imagined. The body was soaking it all in and it was incredible, until it wasn’t.

Again, wisdom came crashing through, shattering the glass, bursting all the balloons . Brutally thrusting them back to earth, back to the truth of things.

The hard truth that everything between them had always been a dream.

Dreams of a man trapped in a seemingly picture perfect life, who was deeply unhappy and had regrets. Dreams of a broken girl feeling wanted, needed and valued. Cared for and treasured, loved and appreciated by a powerful man who showered her with sparkles and rainbows that she believed were diamonds.

She looked down at the glitter mixed in the dust on the ground at her feet and turned and walked away.