Dreams and Reality

How do you describe something you don't understand? Like longing for something you miss but have never experienced. Like smelling something that is familiar but you don't know why. Like remembering something that has never happened. Like forgetting who you are and knowing who you're not. Like a dream that is reality. 

"Kate, It's time to get up."

I suppose it is most like a dream that stays with you always.

"Kate!" Suddenly I am shaken awake. "What are you doing? You're supposed to be up by now. There are chores to do, now get your lazy self up."

"Who's Kate?"

"Don't be dumb! Now get up, there is washing to be done."

"Yes, Ma’am."

“What a useless daughter.” 

I spent the day washing, dusting, cooking, baking, sweeping, and mopping. When I wasn't cleaning I was listening to the woman and man fight. They fight a lot and when they aren’t fighting they are yelling at or hitting me for something I did wrong. Finally the day is over.

I lay in my bed and started to drift off. I woke up again. I'm back where I belong. In the park with my friend.

DJ sits there looking at me for a minute. His dark eyes squinting at me in a teasing way.

"April, you started to doze. Are you awake now?" My friend DJ laughs at me.

"Yup, I'm awake." He rolls over to me and puts a dandelion on my face.

"Well then, good morning." I take the dandelion of my face and throw it at him. We laugh. This is where I'm supposed to be.

I look over to make sure he's still there. He looks at me and I smile at him and he smiles at me.

"Are you tired?"

"A lil, I had a weird dream."

"What happened?"

"I don't know."

"Well then let's not worry about it."

We get up. It's time to go home.

"I'll race you down the hill!"

"You're on."

We race down the hill he trips and starts rolling. I run to the bottom of the hill and there he is laughing. He pulls me down with him and throws leaves in my hair. We're laughing. I am so happy to be home. He gets up and helps me up as well. We can barely breathe, we are laughing too hard. He walks me to my door.

"I'll see you later, April."

"See you, DJ."

I entered my house and closed the door. My Momma waited inside with a fresh dinner and pie in the oven. 

“Hey ,baby.” 

“Hi Momma.”

My papa came in and kissed my forehead. 

“Hello love.” 

“Hi Pa.” 

He walked over to my Momma and gave her a big kiss on the lips without any embarrassment. 

“So glad to be home with my two girls.” 

“Was it a long day at the bank, Pa?”

“No, I just happen to love y’all more than numbers.” 

“How was DJ?” my Momma asks me teasingly.

“Momma! You know it’s not like that, we're just friends.”

“For now ,baby.”

My pa had gotten tired and went to the living room after dinner. Me and Momma went to our favorite coffee shop, and said Hi to the nice girl Lizz who works there. The boy who works in the back smiles at us, we smile back. We brought back a cold brew for Pa, Momma got a latte. I didn’t feel like coffee so I got peppermint tea. We sat there sitting our drinks in comfortable silence. 

“April, it's almost time for bed.”

“Alright, Pa.”

I fell asleep in my nice warm bed. The covers tucked around me without a care in the world. 

“Kaaate!!”

I heard the shrill voice pierce the air as I jumped awake. I was back at this place I did not belong. A place filled with hatred and sorrow. The woman came to me and smacked me.

“You should have been up an hour ago. I've been calling you for an hour.” 

I just looked at her, I was so tired. My body was sore from the last time I was here. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go home. 

“Can I go home?” 

“Don’t be stupid Kate. This is your home.”

When I didn't stand up immediately she hit me again. I got up quickly after that and started the work she had lined up for me. She is in a bad mood today, she hits me multiple times. I don’t understand, this is not where I'm supposed to be. I start on the floors and I suddenly spill the cleaner all over the floor. I watch as it spreads, the woman comes in and starts yelling. 

“What did you do girl! You idiot, you can't do anything right!” 

“I’m..I’m sorry.” 

“The hell you are!” 

She grabbed me by the hair and dragged me from the room. She hit me across the face over and over. She hits my arms, my back, my face, my legs and she slams my head to the ground. I don’t understand why I am here, this is not where I belong. 

“Get up, girl!” 

I try but my body is shaking and I fall to the floor. I try again but I can’t. The woman yells something but I can’t make any sense of it. She kicks me hard in the side. I don’t understand. The woman left me alone in the room. I lie on the floor. 

“I’m..I’m not supposed….to be here.”

I lie on the floor, I slip in and out of consciousness. 

“April? What is the matter?” 

Once again I’m sitting on the couch in the living room with my family. I don’t know how I got here.

“Just a dream.” 

“What was it, love?” 

“I don’t know. It was like I was someone else.” 

“That's weird, but you are you and that's all you need to be. It’s getting late, April, you seem tired. Why don’t you get to bed.” 

I suddenly feel overwhelmingly tired. 

“I think I will. I love you Pa, Momma.” 

“I love you too, baby, Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, Love.”

I fall asleep in my warm bed. 

I wake up on the floor. I don’t understand. I know how I got here but I don’t know how I got on the couch at home. I start to think and I think I start to understand. I realize that this is where I’m meant to be. This is my world, April is me but she is not. I’m Kate. My mom hits me, my dad is barely ever here and when he is, my parents fight. I don’t understand. I’m April, I don't want to be Kate. I lay on the floor, my body racked with pain. I miss my Momma, My Pa, My friend, DJ. I want to go home. Sobs break from me. The woman, my mom, comes in and looks at me lying on the floor crying. 

“Get up you useless girl! Get UP!” 

She kicks me in the stomach and I make an attempt to get up but I can’t. She kicks me again and again. She’s so mad. She hits my head against the floor, over and over and over. I can’t think. I can’t stand. She leaves, I think I’m bleeding. I can’t move. The world starts going in and out. I’m so tired. 

.

.

April first 2004 4:27 pm a young girl by the name of Kate Mari Matthews was beaten to death by her mother.

.

.

April first 2004 4:29 pm a beautiful baby girl named April Haisley Elizabeth was born.