Nothing Good Lasts Forever

I close my eyes, but all I can see is her.

Her blonde hair flowing down her shoulders, her piercing blue eyes cutting into my gaze. I could never keep my eyes off her. But she wasn’t mine to keep. I made sure of that when I let my secret slip.

***

We were out in the park, watching the sun go down.  Her laugh filled the air when I told her a joke. I couldn’t peel my eyes off her. She was so beautiful. She was my whole world.

“Jake,” she whispers, laying beside me on the grass. Our hands were intertwined, resting on my chest.

“Yeah, Emma?” I replied. I smiled at her, reveling in the fact that she was here, and she was mine.

“Why’d you bring me here?” she asks. She turns her head to face mine, and I do the same. I rake my gaze over her face, sensing a sliver of regret in her voice. 

“I thought we were having fun,” I say, sitting up. She follows suit, taking her hand back. 

“We are. It’s just–”

“Baby,” I sigh. I reach for her hand, but she pulls it away. I frown, confused by her sudden change in mood.

“I know you’re keeping something from me, Jake. Just tell me. Please,” she begs. I freeze. I couldn’t tell her, not the whole thing anyway. She would run away from me, and she’s all I have right now. 

“I’m not hiding anything from you, Em. What gave you that idea?” I put my finger under her chin, angling her head up towards mine. She jerks away from me. I stand up.

“Don’t get mad, Jake. Just tell me, and I’ll understand!” I pulled herself to her feet. I shake my head.

“What’s going on?” I ask, almost shouting. “Did I do something to make you not trust me?”

“I know. Jake, I know what you did,” she whispers. I can see her hands trembling and her lip quivering. 

She’s afraid of me.

“What exactly do you think I did?” I ask in a dangerous tone. My control was slowly slipping through my grasp. She knows. She knows.

“I–” she takes a step back from me. I hold my hands up in front of me, palms facing her. I can see the fear in her eyes, like how I’ve reacted has confirmed her worst nightmare.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Emma. I would never hurt you!” I swear to her. 

“I can’t–I can’t know that,” she starts crying, tears streaming down her face. My heart crumples.

“What do you think I did?” I ask slowly, taking a step toward her. She shakes her head, crying harder.

“I trusted you. I loved you! God, I’m so stupid! This whole time, you’ve been–you’re–” she cuts off turning around and running away. I chase after her, and grab her wrist, stopping her. She tugs and tugs on her hand, trying to wrench it from my grasp. But I’m too strong. She looks up at me, her blue eyes scared as she continues to try to pull her hand free. Finally she stopped.

“Emma, I need you to answer me. What do you think I did?” I search her eyes, willing her to just say it out loud. I wrap her in a hug, and she lets me, sobbing into my t-shirt. “I love you,” I tell her, stroking her hair. After a few seconds, she pulls away. 

“You–you killed someone. But not just someone. You’re–you’re a–”

“A serial killer,” I whisper. She jumps away from me , but I just stay still, expressionless.  I let her make the next move. I don’t want her to leave me, but it’s inevitable. Everyone does. 

“You’re a monster,” she says quietly, backing away.

“But I love you. I would never hurt you, I swear!” I say, refraining myself from reaching out to her.

“That–that doesn’t matter,” she struggles. “You hurt other people. How can you do something like that?” she asks. I shrug solemnly.

“It’s who I am,” I offer.

“It doesn’t have to be,” she tells me. “Stop. Stop the killing, and I’ll stay with you, I promise.” A spark of hope ignites in my chest. She won’t leave me!

“Yes, yes! Anything,” I say, relieved. Emma relaxes a little, but doesn’t make a move towards me.

“Okay then,” she replies, hands trembling. I take two big steps to her, and wrap her in a hug, crushing her to my chest. I run my hands down her sides, up her back, making sure she’s still there. That she hasn’t left. She wraps her arms around my waist, but timidly. I pull back and kneel down to her level. 

“I do love you, you know. Don’t forget it,” I cradle her head in my palms. Her lip trembles again.

“I’m scared,” she says under her breath.

“Why?” I ask.

“You might kill me,” she says, avoiding eye contact. I force her eyes back up to mine.

“Emma. Why would I ever do that?”

“You’re unpredictable. The news reporters say it every day. Jake, you should be in jail right now!” I pull away my hands and look at her with disbelief.

“Do you want me to go to prison?” I ask her, hurt.

“You’re a serial killer! Yes!” she shouts. I grab her arm and yank her. 

“Be quiet!” I hissed. “Someone could hear you!” She looks at me and then down at where I grabbed her arm, her eyes wide. 

“You–you deserve to go to prison. You’ve killed so many people! Is what I saw on the news correct?” she asks.

“Yes,” I admit.

“Okay then. Have a nice life,” she shook herself out of my grasp, and walked away. I just stood there, unmoving. She really did it. She left me. How did she find out? I rack my brain, trying to find the moment I slipped up, but I couldn’t remember ever doing something to set her off. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was alone now.

I stayed in the park for a long time, thinking over my next move. I remember what I did to the people who left me. The people I loved. They paid.

And so would she.