PB

    So, Mommy and Daddy are out for the night.   They went to have romantic dinner and were stuck here with a babysitter again.  We don’t even need no babysitter.   I’m 12 and my sister’s 15.   Why we need a babysitter.   Something about laws, neglect, or some bullshit.   But the babysitter doesn’t do much.  She cooks some for us, which is ok and has a stupid sheet to call if there’s an emergency.   There’s no emergency, ever.  We ain’t never used no drugs or nothing.   Just a waste of our time and their money.   We do our homework, as always, eat and watch tv over dinner.  She’s an ok cook.  Not great, but ok.  

      Then, we wash up, I let the dog, Fluffy, out.   Usual shit.  I put on my pajamas and change underwear.  My homework’s done, so me and my sister watch TV.  The sitter sends us up to bed.   No big deal.  Finish watching tv shows and go to my bed.  

*

     But, later in the night, it happens.   See, my sister and I share the same bathroom and she had to go the same time I had to go and I had to go, so I went into Mommy and Daddy’s bathroom and I peed and pooped.   They had toilet paper in there.   Thank God.  But, then, after I wiped myself I saw them in front of me:   A stack of magazines.   At the top was Time magazine.   I picked it up, just out of curiosity.   I mean, why are Mommy and Daddy reading Time in the potty?   Then, three or four magazines down, I see it and I realize the Time, People, etc. were just decoys for .  . .   This is every little boy’s dream, but what if the babysitter catches me?   I open it up and see thin, nude, women and I get hard, so I pull up my pants and underwear to hide it.   There are words in there, but who cares?   I don’t flush, because if someone catches me, I’ll put it back and say sis was using the other potty.   That’s true.   But, I keep looking and then these papers start falling out and damn it, I think I broke Daddy’s magazine.   Mom and Dad are going to kill me. I try to stuff it back in, but see another woman’s face.  So, I unfold it slow and it’s three pages of a naked woman. I glare at it like a gambler realizing he’s got a flush.   Then, I hear the garage door.   Fuck.   I try to hide it back where it was.  I hear Mommy and Daddy talking to the babysitter.   I close the magazine and try to remember where in the stack it was.  I don’t remember though.   So I put it deep and put the Time, Life, etc on top, maybe in the right order?   I flush, wash and dry my hands, and go back to my bedroom.  I lock the door so Mommy and Daddy won’t see my boner and find out what happened.  Please God, let them never find out.  

     I go to sleep.   I have dreams about the women in the magazines.   Not the kind of dreams I’d have in a few years.   More like nightmares.   These women told me I’d get caught by Mom and Dad and they (the women in the magazines) would tell Mom and Dad to look at the order of the magazines and they’d tell Mom and Dad it was me and they’d ( Mom and Dad) yell at me and ask me what the hell I was doing in their bathroom looking in filthy magazines.   They’d ground me for sure, take money from my allowance and buy a lock for their door so I could never go potty in there again and look in their stuff.  

     But, they (Mommy and Daddy) came in, went in their bedroom, closed their door, and I heard them talking about their night.  Please let them not go to the potty.  Please God.  

    But I heard Mommy tinkle and thought she’d tell Daddy, but then I heard s flush, and them talking.   Not angry, just about their dinner together and how they’d enjoyed their night out.  They talked about how both me and my sister were doing at school, but there was no screaming or anything about me.  

So, maybe God heard my prayers or maybe Mommy and Daddy were tired after eating out and I’d be in trouble tomorrow. They’d find out and then I’d be in shit. So, I waited by the side of their door and tried to think of excuses like I wanted to read the articles in Time or I didn’t open the magazines, but the three paper thing and the magazines out of order.

*

But, they changed out of their clothes and got in their bed. Tomorrow though. But I sat there, in the silence, hearing the fan of the air conditioning unit, but then I heard Mommy ask Daddy if he thought me and Sis were asleep and he said he thought so. Then, I heard them kissing soft, like they did on me and Sis’ cheeks sometimes before we went to bed. But they started kissing hard and I heard some moans. Then, I started hearing their PJs hitting the floor and I heard Mommy moaning. Oh, my God are they . . .?

Yes, they were. I stopped thinking about the dirty magazines and listened. I got a boner again. Maybe they’d know I was out here, listening. Maybe the magazines weren’t such a big deal, but what if this is? I heard Mommy come to completion, but not Daddy. Why not Daddy?

Then, there was quiet again and then I heard Mommy snore, then Daddy. I tiptoed back to my room, breathing quiet, and opened and closed my door soft. Please God, let them never find out about none of this, ever. Please.

They never found out about it. Thank You, God. I was too young to do things I would do later in life. I didn’t have another sibling, or they didn’t have another baby, or both. Just my and God’s secret or secrets.

Later in life when I get married and have kids, I wonder if they’ll do the same thing when me and my wife go out, or if I’m just a sick fuck?