The Librarian

Maddy, come here. Hop on the bed. I have a present for your 14^th birthday and I want you to have it now. 

She was surprised she was getting a present before her birthday, but was suddenly all fidgety to see what it was.

Take a look her grandpa said smiling. He loved watching her open presents from him, throwing the wrapping paper all around the room, trying to get faster to what was inside.

Under the balloon wrapping paper there was a thick, heavy, purple book with a lot of words of different fonts and sizes, inscribed on the front cover, and a quote on the back. She noticed that the largest words on the front cover said Jane Eyre and she assumed it was the author’s name.

No, no Maddy. Jane Eyre is the name of the book. Charlotte Brontë is the author. 

What’s it about grandpa? Maddy asked with her usual curiosity.

It’s the story of Jane, growing up to adulthood, while trying to overcome the obstacles coming her way. Promise me you’ll read it once you turn 14, Maddy. And that you’ll read it carefully. 

Maddy didn’t think much of the book but she would have done anything for grandpa. I promise I’ll read it carefully grandpa. She gave him a big kiss and a hug and snuggled in bed by his side.

He died a month later and little Maddy was so heart broken that she forgot about the book. She cried and cried for days. Her mom was so afraid the book would always make her sad that she gave it away.

15 years later, Madeline was silently congratulating herself for having invested in a raincoat because it was pouring down hard that November evening when she decided to walk home just to get some more exercise in after the donut party at work. 

She had been trying to get over yet another bad relationship in every way she could think of. She started walking more because she heard it would help her relax and stay healthy. She took up cooking lessons for the same reason. When she was upset, her immunity system would break down and make her prone to getting sick. So she needed to do whatever she could to avoid that. Madeline also had a tendency to isolate herself when she was upset but she decided to try something else for once and go against her natural urges. She met with friends more often than she used to, visited her mom almost every 2 weeks and even socialised with co-workers over cups of coffee, cigar breaks and donut parties. But all the self doubts planted by her failed relationships were still there, lurking behind her every thought and every healthy habit she was trying to set up for herself. Her therapist had worked with her to break the pattern and stop dating men that she knew would eventually leave her. And it was working but not well enough to bring her back to life.

The black rain coat kept her body well covered, warm and cosy, but her feet were screaming at her for the lack of morning judgement when she chose the Converse Chuck Taylors. Water was pouring right through the cotton canvas, not only soaking her feet one drop at a time but keeping them cold as well. She decided to wait the rain out in a little bookstore she had passed by multiple times but never entered. She wasn’t such a big reader anymore so why would she go in. The bell above the door announced her arrival to whoever might have been in the bookstore but she could see no one. 

The smell of black tea, leather and wood instantly brought up memories of her grandfather’s studio and how she used to barge in every afternoon when she was little, hop in his lap and stare at him with her big brown eyes until he would ask her how her day was going. Her grandfather was the only father figure she had known from the ages of 7 to 14, the best 7 years of her childhood. Her father had left Madeline and her mom when she was 6 and never looked back. Her mom had to move in with her parents and grandpa became little Maddy’s best friend until he passed away when she was almost 14. She could never brace herself to walk in that studio again and books usually reminded her of grandpa. 

She took off the hood of her raincoat and shook her head as if to shake the vivid memories away. She had to fight her natural urge of removing herself from every situation that caused her discomfort and just sit with her feelings, process them and try to move on. Homework from her therapist. So she stayed in and started browsing through the stacks of books, touching the covers while trying to forget her longing for days long gone, when a deep voice interrupted her train of thought:

Welcome. Can I help you? 

Oh, you startled me. Sorry, I was somewhere else entirely.

It’s really pouring down hard out there, isn’t it? 

Seems so, yes. 

So, where were you? If I may ask. His warm and welcoming smile made it easy for her to open up.

She heard herself saying out loud

Just taking a walk down memory lane and thinking what my grandpa would say if he knew I haven’t read a book for pleasure since I was 13. And to save you the trouble of asking how long that is, oh, it would be around 15 years.

She looked down trying to hide her embarrassment but continued, trying to explain herself

I used to read a lot when I was little and he used to read to me as well, especially the classics. He died 2 months before I turned 14.

I’m sure he would be happy to see you’re in the perfect place to restart that habit if you want to. We have a lovely collection of the classics right over here. But I should warn you, some of them are not completely new.

He pointed to the left side of the library. In front a brown leather chair, lit by a yellow light lamp, there were several shelves filled with all the classic from Mark Twain, J.D. Salinger, to F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jane Austen.

Let’s see….what would you like to restart with?

Hmm, hard to say. I barely know. Honestly right now I’m in between who I was, who I am and who I want to be so…

Then I’ve got just the book for you. Here. It’s not an easy read but I promise it’s worth it.

Madeline picked up the book and cold chills went up and down her spine. A lovely purple book. Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre had somehow made its way back.

She was 13 again, back in her grandpa’s room, holding the book, excited about her birthday and looking forward to the next adventures. The last 15 years flashed before her eyes in a second and shook her to her core.

The next thing she saw was the blurry shape of a man starring at her, asking if she was alright. She had lost consciousness and fell on the leather chair. 

I’m ok, I’m ok. Just felt dizzy there for a while.

Dizzy? You just collapsed altogether. Gave me quite a scare. I’ll make you a tea and I will not take no for an answer.

I’m sorry… was all she could say. She didn’t have the power to argue and tea seemed like a good idea anyway. She was still holding the book, reading again and again the gold letters inscribed on the purple cover. Jane Eyre. 

She couldn’t bring herself to open it yet, so after the librarian came with the tea, they just exchanged a few pleasantries while she took a few sips of tea. He then wrapped up the book and handed the bag to Madeline. 

I hope it’s the right restart for you. Have a lovely evening and do come again. I’d love to hear what you thought of Jane Eyre.

The rain had stopped long enough for Madeline to get home and get her feet out of the soaked Converse. 

And there, in the intimacy of her home, she snuggled on the sofa and mustered up the courage to open the book. On the front page, she recognized her grandfather’s writing. 

“My darling Maddy, be brave, kind and loyal to yourself above all else. Learn to think and act for yourself, as there are no greater gifts in life than freedom and independence. Love, grandpa.”

The Librarian brought Madeline back to life.