Melissa and Regret

I recall the day of our wedding when she said during our vows that “I want to be part of it all” and I had a lot of ambitions and dreams for the both of us. I look at where I am, I have a multi-million-dollar apartment in New York, the shiniest watch on my wrist, and tailor-fitted suits, but every day, I see the tan line of where my wedding ring used to be. My place could fit a family, but I lost mine along the way to achieve it.

My mother was a cook in our town and I never met my father. It pains me to see her working so hard just to send me to school. I helped her in a way; at the pier, I would help carrying crates of fish and I would receive about a few dollars here and there and go home to her and give the money. At the young age of nine, I had so many plans on getting rich. No matter what the job is, the main goal is to get rich and my mother would never have to sweat ever again.

I was 20 when I met Melissa. At first, I thought she was a princess. She had beautiful hazel brown eyes and her hair was jet-black. She came to the town as an assistant to her father who is a doctor doing a medical mission. I was intrigued on what was happening, so I got in line to have my blood pressure checked.

When I was nearing my turn, I noticed that I smell like sweat, the sun, and the pier. It was impossible for me to impress her. She had a face mask on so I hope she wouldn’t notice. Since she’s new here, of course she is not familiar with all these stenches and I had just lost all my chance.

“Could you please write your name and contact details here?” she says with her sweet voice and hands me over a paper and a pen. I write my name while she takes my left arm and prepares it. “You have a very nice arm” she wraps the bloop pressure thing. “Jack” she says my name.

“Thank you, miss…?” I return the pen and paper.

“Melissa” she says and begins to pump. I feel it tighten around my arm.

“Melissa, you’re a doctor?” I ask, she looks younger than me.

“No,” she says while counting then releases the thing. “I’m currently taking up my pre-med course. My father is over there, he asked me to join him for experience”

“That’s interesting” I say. “Will you be staying for a while?”

“It’s the summer, so maybe three weeks?” she writes down things. “Why do you ask? Do you plan on getting in an accident to get treated by us again?” she laughs a little

“I mean, I work at the pier and there are many accidents that happen there so I’m not sure” I say

“I will be doing a general physical exam on you, okay?” she tells me, and I nod.

After that day, I brought my mother in and I saw her again. On the day after that, I brought in my friend who slipped on the way to the market while carrying a fish crate. I kept looking for excuses to see her until that weekend, when my phone rang showing an unknown number.

“Hello?” I answer

“Hey there, Jack” the voice is familiar, sweet, lovely. “It’s Melissa”

“Oh, Melissa, hey” I say, trying to hide my pleased emotions. “Which one of the friends I brought you told me my number to you?” I chuckle

“Actually, it’s no one” she giggles. “I saw your form again while I was fixing documents and I think it’s about time I called you”

“Why? What’s wrong doc?” I say. “Am I dying?”

“No, silly” I could hear her eyes roll at me. “I was thinking maybe we could—” I cut her

“I was thinking we should have dinner” I say, and I hear her take a small gasp

“I was thinking the same thing” she says, and I’m relieved.

We kept being like that and we dated. I would often find her and my mother talking about me in our living room and her giggles are heard in the entire house. She often sneaks out to hang out with me and I felt bad she had to do something quite illegal just to see me.

It went on like that until the summer ended and she had to go back to studying, back from wherever rich place she goes to. I know to myself that she’s like, my end game. I want to stop her, but I wouldn’t want to stop her achieving her dreams.

The morning after we said goodbye to each other came and I was already missing her. We might never even see each other again so she’ll be better off without me. I’m in the pier when suddenly, I see her at the drop-off point of the crates. I’m covered in fish drippings and she sees me. I feel embarrassed. She walks up to me and she just told me she’ll stay just a few more days with me.

She graduates her premed course, but she no longer wished to continue it because she wanted to start a life with me. Of course, her father got mad and placed all the blame on me. I was more in risk of losing her, but she kept choosing me. She ended up being disowned by her prestigious family and lived with me. She worked in the local hospital as a nurse.

With her by my side, I was invincible. She made me feel strong and she was always beside me. That was when my dreams got bigger. I had the opportunity to work in a crew ship and I took it. Melissa was very supportive even though it was a risk because I only got in because of a favor.

I got to places, and I was never home. It was five years later when I decided the cruise is not for me. I needed to go bigger. Mel and I got married and the money we got from our friends, along with our own savings, we bought a yacht and had it rented out. That was when money started pouring in and long story short, we got rich.

I had no intention of stopping there. I bought more yachts and even celebrities rented it out. Hollywood rents the largest amount of yachts and I became famous. I am called by newly-weds, celebrities, spoiled rebellious rich kids, and so on. I was hitting a peak. It was hard to find time for my family and myself but it felt good. I was tired from the hard work that pays off so well.

Until one day, I didn’t realize I’m in the Forbes highest-paid list. Melissa was the first one to buy me the copy and I was so happy. She threw her arms around me and she always had the biggest cheer. I wanted her to know how thankful I am for her.

I promised her that at least twice a month, I would take her out on a date. It was going well for a year but each new year passed, the busier I got and more distant I was. It became my goal to become every year’s top earner.

For five consecutive years, I never left Forbes and it was satisfying. Every time I came home, it felt complete because my wife is there, and my mother is comfortable.

“Don’t you think it’s about time we have children?” Melissa tells me over our squeezed in date.

“What’s the rush?” I say while chewing

“You’ll be forty soon, and so am I” she says. “I don’t think it’s a rush anymore” she smiles

“I don’t think we can manage to have children for now” I say

“Why?” she asks, putting down her utensils. “I think I’m capable enough take care of our kids”

“You’re capable? What about me?” I ask, “did you even think of what I can and cannot do?”

“Of course I did, Jack” she says and reaches over my hand

“Then why is this even brought up?” I say, “you just said you’re capable. What about me? I think that’s selfish” I look at her and her face looks surprised but determined.

“I’m selfish?” she says, “I have been nothing but supportive to you and yet this is what I get in return?” her voice is rising.

“I didn’t say you’re selfish” I say, trying to calm her, “but it’s no longer in my part that you think that way, always expecting something in return”

Those words echo to me until today because that’s what made her stood up and leave the room. Later that night, I had to meet with investors and that was the longest that we haven’t spoken, nor contacted each other. I was too busy in the office that I wasn’t able to get home. It felt like a duty to me to go there and check on her, but also to get shower and clean clothes.

She was there asleep, and a rush of relief ran through me. We’re okay. We can talk another time and I know she understands me. She’ll always support my decision. But it was foolish of me to assume. We went on for days without talking about it.

One day, I woke up and found out that we’re no longer on the same boat. I was sailing on my own and divorce papers came. I was mad that she made decisions on her own without even telling me. In my anger, I agreed and spited her name. Just because I said I was not ready to have a child, she would be off to taking everything down, the years we both placed on our relationship. What was the point of her choosing me instead of her father when it was bound to get here?

She wasted us and crossed out everything just for one thing. It all hit me when I found out, just three years later that she’s married with kids. I’m angrier because she took that path instead of this? She’s with a middle-class man and their daughter turning one. It seemed so nonsensical. I’ll keep my name being the talk of the town so even she can’t escape me.

A decade passed on and I’m beginning to tire, my passion was wearing out, and I think now’s the time I could only think of kids. When I see children, I keep remembering Melissa and how she ended us just because of them. I take back my thought. I will never want children and she’s dead to me.  

I turned on the television as my background noise while I exercise in my own gym. She could have been preparing my breakfast here in a mansion, instead she’s off driving middle schoolers to their soccer practice. I have to say that I’m updated often with her since we parted. I hate to say it, but she’s never left the back of my mind since then.

“This just in,” the news makes an announcement. “It has been identified that there is a car crash by the south lane…” I turn up the volume. “Victims of the crash were two children and one adult woman. The children are injured and the woman found deceased” I take a sip of my coffee. “The woman has been identified as Melissa Crowes,” I take a quick glance at the TV.

Melissa Crowes, that’s my ex-wife. I gather my things and rush to where the scene is. I have tears in my face and I’ve been whispering a prayer all throughout my drive. I can’t lose her this way. I get there and the media team were beginning to pack up and the roadmen were clearing the cars that were in the way. I found them wheeling in a body into the ambulance.

I ran there and pulled everyone off. I needed to see if it was really her. It was as if heaven and earth decided to fall on me when even I could confirm it was her. Her beautiful face has blood and glass but I don’t care. But they still do have to take her away.

I didn’t feel the weight of her absence until I saw her that way. It feels unreal. The pain crippled in slowly then all at once. I would see her in my dreams and wake up to find out she’s not here. I would dream happy dreams of her only to wake up to a sad world where she no longer exists.

Each night, it kept me up how maybe, if one thing had been different, would everything also be different right now? I spent all those times hating her when all she had given me was love. I received a mail this morning from her husband, it was handwritten.

“Dear my beloved Jack,

I wish I could tell you how proud I am of you in everything you’ve accomplished. This letter won’t reach you anyway but every time you’re on Forbes cover, I had to stop myself from telling everyone that you were my husband. I guess there are things that simply drift apart when left unresolved. I didn’t want to interfere with your passion. I guess I am selfish that all I wanted was you and not what you have. I’m writing this to tell you that you’ll always be a part of I’ll never let go. I love you then, when you had nothing, now, when you have everything, and tomorrow, even if we’re not a thing anymore. Live your dreams, you deserve it.

Love, Mel”

I don’t have a lot of regrets in this life but she surely is one.