Lingering Shadows

He woke up to the feeling of a soft hand gently caressing his face, a hand that he could recognize within a second.

“Good morning sleepyhead” she whispered.

He opened his eyes with a slight smile on his face, the morning sun reflecting on her eyes through the window, they were pitch black which he always liked to call them his precious “void”, he kept admiring her gentle face that he even forgot to reply.

“Good of you to join us so soon” she said again sarcastically.

“Us?” He asked.

“The kids are waiting for you by the lake, I’ve prepared the stakes for you to barbecue, I know how much you enjoy grilling and watching the kids swim” she replied, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before standing up, she leaned on the doorframe looking back at him “Don’t keep us waiting again” before heading outside.

He laid there looking at the window, the sun shining through that he couldn’t see what was outside, and he wasn’t focused on it either, only one thought was running through his head, “What’s today?” Before the sudden realization hit, he facepalmed, “Our Anniversary!”.

He jolted outside, standing by the farmhouse door he noticed that it was already late in the morning, the sun rising up almost to noon, he looked over the golden cornfield then headed towards the small lake by the house, he walked by the old rubbles of the house fire that happened five years ago which he never managed to get rid of.

“Watch out!” He yelled before jumping into the lake with the kids, water splashed all over them as they giggled.

“Daddy!” Grace yelled “it’s right in my nose!” She added before splashing him with the water onto his face, he always wondered how a seven year-old girl could make such a fuss, Willie, her older brother, then proceeded to splash her back.

“it’s rude to splash!” Willie yelled back

“But you just did!” She replied, splashing him back.

The kids then started their own water fighting as he made his warrior escape swimming back to land before Anna kills him, it’s already noon and the stakes aren’t even on the fire yet!.

Anna was sitting by the lake watching them with a wide smile on her face before he walked towards her all soaked up “Anna my dear! How much I’ve missed you!” He said with his arms wide open for a hug “Don’t you dare!” She yelled out as her hands got in the air trying to stop him “You better Stay back Andrew Stevenson!” She yelled again to no avail, his body was already on top of her wiping up all the water on her soaking her too “You Bastard!” She yelled giggling hitting him on his shoulder, he got up giggling rubbing his arm heading towards the grill “Damn woman! You hit hard” he said, giggling again.

He stood by the grill slowly barbecuing his stakes to his own taste, as all fathers do. He watched as the kids played and how Anna kept scolding them every now and then for not playing under the water.

The sun was now slowly setting, the orange sky reflecting over the cornfield as the kids laid asleep with stake-filled bellies by the lake, Anna and Andrew sat on the floor watching the sunset, Anna turned to him, looking at his wondering expression.

“You’re still thinking about it aren’t you?” She said in a soft tone.

“How could I not?” He replied.

“Life hasn’t been treating you very nice lately huh?” She asked, placing her hand on his back caressing it softly.

“No, not since that day, and don’t act like you don’t know now Anna, i know you’re watching, you just want me to talk” he replied with a smile, she smiled back, before he continued “it’s not the same, nothing has been the same, it’s like a piece of me have been ripped off, and you know it has”.

“You know it just as much as I do, but you’ve always been a sensitive asshole who needs reassurances, It’s not your fault” she replied.

“This one’s different” he replied “I can’t let go Anna, and you know that” he added, looking down at the ground. “The mess, the giggles, the piles of plates in the sink, the kids’ morning jumps on my belly, and your eyes waking up next to me…I can’t let go of any of them” he added.

A few minutes passed silently before he continued again “That damned house fire…I regret every second of it…if only I had taken you all with me that day…”

She cut him off by gently smacking the back of his head “Baby! Stop that! You know damn well you couldn’t have known! There was nothing you could have done for it” she replied holding his head into her arms, “you need to be easier on yourself, or else you know i would be watching you AND frowning” she replied giggling, but he didn’t react, he could only focus on the feeling that he missed, the warmth, the safety, how those arms could make him forget the world.

“Please stop…you need to take care of yourself” she added, placing a soft kiss on the top of his head “we can’t keep doing this every year, you have to let it go, to let us go…”

“I can’t!…” he jolted from her arms resting his back on the chair “That old rubble is all I have left of this…of you…” he replied.

“And your beard is graying, it’s time to let it go before it’s too late darling”

He looked up at the sunset again, the orange sky started to fade into darkness, he knew it was time, he leaned back laying on the ground, his hand on his forehead closing his eyes for a minute, he felt a soft kiss against his left cheek before jolting back up again “No! Not ye…”, he looked around, it was only him left, the empty lakeside, the three full plates sitting on the table, the night sky shifting to dark only hinted that his life was back to being a quiet night now, for another year, before he looked over his shoulder at the house fire rubble…perhaps for another lifetime.