"I can't sleep."

"I can't sleep."

After learning that I was selected to enter King Chivkeeb's consort elimination cycle, I took a cold shower to help scald away my frustration. Regardless of how much I look like a woman on the surface, I am still male, through and through. Each household had to send one woman to participate as young as 17. My older brother Adas entered my name in the drawing because participating would mean that our family would receive food rent-free until I got eliminated. The goal was to stay in the run for three months, but that wasn't the case.

Regardless of how much I tried to get voted out during each task, the more I showed how uninterested I was in the running, the more people voted for me to stay.

I stood nervously beside two petite women, hoping to go unnoticed while breathing in the cool air. Each day consists of waking up before dawn to meet with royal teachers and develop his skills to become a good wife. After that, each woman is to dance elegantly, then sing, then sketch, then finally meet with the King in his chamber hall, where he sits on his throne, just tracing his eyes over each individual. He recites a few words, and whoever responds with the wrong answer gets eliminated. I answered incorrectly a few times, but someone else always gets the luxury of going home. Today, there are only 7 of us standing before his majesty. It isn't very pleasant.

King Chivkeeb took a deep breath as he rose from his throne. As he slowly descended, everyone fell to their knees except for me. Today is the day I will be eliminated, but I don't care; I just want it to be over with. He bent down and observed each woman's face, and nodded silently as he stepped between them. As he finally made it to me, his eyebrows rose as he glanced at the pillow by my feet.

"Get on your knees now," King Chivkeeb says,

Seconds ticked on as I stubbornly refused to get on my knees.

"It's disrespectful to stand in my presence." He whispers,

My apologies, Your Majesty; I do not wish to be disrespectful, but I am not interested in you. Please eliminate me."

King Chivkeeb's dark eyebrows lifted, his mouth firmly closed. He walks back to his throne and asks the woman in charge of elimination to begin the voting process.

"Rise." King Chivkeeb says,

Sweat glistened on the contestants' foreheads, but I couldn't see the worth in being selected. It's exhausting to live as a puppet. Two others were eliminated in the end.

My stomach tightened.

I deliberately oversleep and intentionally make mistakes. Something about this situation seems off. Although my errors were recorded, it's unjust to eliminate diligent women who are putting in their best efforts to succeed.

It would take some effort, but I'm done with all of these blisters on my feet, and hell with these hair extensions. 

Today, we were given a shovel to dig a garden for planting flowers. As everyone elegantly lifted their silk dresses to avoid getting them dirty, I, on the other hand, ripped mine off, took off my tight shoes, and stepped into the dirt barefoot. I grabbed a shovel and began digging, working my muscles to relieve my frustration. 

King Chivkeeb and his number of bodyguard casually passes by; he stands from a distance and watches as each individual suffers from becoming his potential consort. Every scoop of damp soil I shoveled was out of angst. King Chivkeeb approached and I accidentally dumped soil on him.

"Why are you behaving aggressively in my presence?" King Chivkeeb asks,

If I had a choice I would be digging a grave for King Chivkeeb. It's clear that I want to get out of this, but he's treating this elimination like a game

"I apologize, your majesty. I didn't mean to obstruct your path."

King Chivkeeb brushes the soil off himself, takes the shovel from my hand, and tosses it aside.

"Don't you have any respect for your king?"

I blinked.

"Don't you have any respect for your people?" I returned,

King Chivkeeb's body tensed, his eyes piercing directly into mine.

"Oddly enough, I do; when have I not?" King Chivkeeb says,

"I respectfully asked to be eliminated, yet I am still here. Have you ever asked any of the women here to be your consort, or is today's word for it, your wife?"

King Chivkeeb smiles.

"Contestant number 214, are you trying to lecture me?"

"My name is Khayee, not contestant 214,"

King Chivkeeb nods.

Khayee, I like you. If you don't become my consort, I'd like to offer you a high position as a concubine."

The way he said those words ran through my ears like a cold breeze. I really don't want any position in this palace. If he finds out that I'm a man, it will create chaos. I need to be firm with him.

"I'm flattered, Your Majesty. However, I decline."

King Chivkeeb steps back with his bodyguards, smirking, and returns to his throne room.

That evening, two others were selected again, leaving me with another chance to become that man's potential wife. I refuse to accept this. If all else fails, I need an escape plan.

Living inside the palace for almost six months now, I know every route; however, there's always security in each wing. Tonight, to avoid getting caught, I should dress as a bodyguard instead of a woman. This week we observed the maids in the west wing where the laundry unit was. I swear, I'll get out of here. The maids finished hanging up the laundry at 5 PM. At night, there is a bodyguard who patrols the area, but I can easily avoid him since he follows a set route. Sneaking in wasn't the hardest part; getting out of that west wing was.

I wore a face mask to conceal my identity.

As I watched the bodyguard pacing back and forth, I realized that he was blocking my way. When he turned his back, I quickly made my way through the garden from earlier and almost reached the front gate entrance when someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me back with a firm grip.

"Where do you think you're going?"

From the reminiscence of the moonlight, I could see that his uniform was shinier than the others, meaning that he worked under an aristocrat; well, whoever he worked under, I am determined to leave this place, so I will fight no matter what.

"I'm heading to another post," I said.

"Which unit are you from? Who is your boss?" He asks,

He traced his eyes on me as his eyes scanned my uniform. He reached for his device and began to speak into it, but I swiftly knocked it from his hand.

“What are you doing?” He asks,

“Don’t call for backup,” I say,

“Who are you?” He says, as he draws out a sword, “Are you here to rob his Majesty?”

"Pfft, he has nothing valuable, but now that it's come to this," I say as I sigh,

He narrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you…disrespecting his Majesty?"

"So what if I am, what? Are you in love with him or something?" I say,

His feet slid across the ash as he circled around me. It's unfair that I don't have a sword on me, but from the looks of it, I think I can take him on. I followed his every movement, and I jumped back when he started swinging his sword. He moved quickly, and I did my best to avoid getting slashed. I dodged, and whenever I saw an opening, I elbowed him from behind, kicking him whenever I was further from him, returning a punch when he came too close in range for one. After getting pushed around by me, he finally put his sword back and used his bare hands. He tossed me over his shoulder, and I rolled on the ground, coughing up the dirt. He didn't hesitate to stop as he placed his knee over my waist and pulled down my face mask, revealing my face. 

He paused.

"Why'd you stop?" I ask.

As he placed his hand under my shirt, violating me.

"Y… You're one of the contestants," He whispers,

I slapped his hand away and shoved him off of me.

"What the hell are you doing!?" I snapped,

"So… you're flat-chested?" He asks.

I narrowed my eyes.

"No dumbass, I'm a man!" I screamed,

He pulls the fabric belt from my pants.

"I…I don't believe it,"

I slid underneath him and allowed him to see the evidence as the moon aimed its light on us.

"100 percent, so let me through; I'm not marrying King Chivkeeb, eliminated or not; I'm out."

He gets off from sitting on top of me and observes me.

"I… I'll help you out, but…only if you're willing to become my boyfriend,"

"What the hell is wrong with you, I don't even know you!" I shouted as I got back up.

"My name is Ntuj, I'm 21, and I'm his Majesty's personal bodyguard."

I blinked.

"Oh hell no."

"I'm a good cook, and I've been rooting for you; you're contestant number 214, right,"

"Khayee," I sighed.

"And…?" Ntuj says,

"I'm 19," I say,

Ntuj smiles.

"So, will you trade your freedom to become my boyfriend?"

I rolled my eyes.

"What freedom? I go out of those gates, and then what, I'm confined to you, you're a personal bodyguard, and you could lose your job,"

Ntuj ticks his head back and forth.

"Then, I'd just come out and find you, and we can move into a small town and live quietly, away from the palace,"

I laughed.

"Okay,"

Ntuj's eyes lit up as he helped fix the fabric belt around my waist.

"Sorry for the bruises. Do you want me to grab you some ointment before you leave?"

I shake my head.

Ntuj took me through a secret passageway and snuck me out as soon as I got outside. I wasn't sure if this was cruel on my part, but I didn't wish to return to the palace, and Ntuj, being a high-ranking royal Palace bodyguard, made me feel uneasy. My goal was to get out of the elimination selection before they discovered that I'm a man, and that's been accomplished.

I'm sorry Ntuj, but I'm not coming back, but as I returned home and lay myself to sleep,

"I can't sleep."