A Moment in Time

“We’re here, just be here” he said to the woman sitting next to him to who had spent the last five hours of their bus ride together squawking on about how much she missed high school and college and the best years of her life were behind her . If she went on for one more minute he might actually implode. 

“We have a 20 hour bus ride sitting next to eachother we need to talk about something.” she responded sounding a little defensive. 

“I get that but you haven’t even told me about yourself you just talked about all the lives you’ve missed, not who you are now what you are now, what you love what song you listed to before you boarded the bus, you know, you.” 

“ I mean who I am now just isn’t who I was then, you know it was great I feel like that times past and now I’m just doing. Don’t you ever miss any of your old lives, lovers, friendships the moments that made you feel like life is all worth it?.” 

“No.” he said sending an easy smile her way 

“ Okay, so you’re a psychopath, or you had a really hard childhood that you never unpacked, so which is it?” 

“ Not a psychopath and I had an okay childhood, your typical money issues, parents divorced. Nothing I haven’t dissected every inch of the last 10 years of therapy” he replied 

“Okay, interesting that’s something, why 10 years of therapy?”

“ Because it taught me to be here, be present and that’s all want, all I need” 

“ There gotta be more to that, we’re young, but old enough to have a lived a few lives, there’s not even an ex or something that you miss?” 

“ There are exes but I closed those chapters, that’s why I’m here, present, sitting on this bus taking in this conversation.” 

“ That feels a little cynical? No? Just because they’re over you pretend they didn’t happen?” she responded clearly frustrated with his response.

“ I’m not pretending anything. They happened I know they happened and those feelings were beautiful,amazing, scary and entirely weird. They made me who I am no doubt. I’m forever grateful for that. But if I stay missing that I’m going to forever spend my life missing a moment that past and miss out every other beautiful feeling I maybe haven’t even experienced yet. 

“ Woah, deep you’re opening up I like it. I don’t get it though, I’m present, I love life I mean we’re both adventuring across the country on this rickety old bus for something right? But that doesn’t mean I can’t miss the beautiful moments that have happened.” 

“ If you’re missing it doesn’t that just mean you’re just lacking that feeling right now, what you’re wishing for is the person or place when really your just missing the feeling it gave you, and if it’s that’s the case that it was all so perfect and nothing can match it, why is it not still in your life?” he responded curiously 

“ I mean nothing can last forever, change happens I miss certain things like any normal human does point blank.” 

“ I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, but wouldn’t you rather look forward then back? Be present for for the moments right now, and the moments ahead? Rather than living for the moments that already happened, it keeps you in your head I think atleast. I bet you couldn’t tell me one song that has played over the bus speakers or even noticed the weird slightly opened can of tuna below our seats.” 

“Rude.” she replied clearly insulted. 

“No!!! I didn’t mean it in an offensive way but in a your choke hold on the past is keeping you from living right now kind of way. You’re missing beautiful little moments all because you're stuck on the ones that already happened.” 

“You and me might have different ideas of beauty, stale tuna and the same three nickleback songs on repeat, don’t exactly shout core memories to me”

“ Ah see that’s where your wrong that is the memory, come on. Just look out the windows take it all in, our view is going to change in a few minutes. Focus on your senses, and you can start to see the true beauty in the moment. When you describe this moment to your friends in three years you’re going to say the same three nickleback songs were playing, and it smelled like stale tuna but it was the moment I started let life happen for myself again” the words flew off his tongue with a unique passion for life beaming off of him.

“ Okay,okay I thinking I get what your saying, that’s unhealthy to just erase your memories though, erase all the people that ever made your heart happy to just be here?” 

“ That’s what you’re not understanding though sophia, you’re not erasing anything. All of those people that are not in your life anymore are still a piece of you that you carry everyday. Someone I used to be madly in love introduced me to my favorite songs, that I still listen to everyday. Not in any kind of reminiscent way, it's just something that stuck. Being present is keeping those pieces of you intact but it’s refusing to accept that you won’t feel all the things that made those memories so special. If you let it there will be more memories like that. Make you’re heart happy in this moment. Those moments aren’t coming back no matter how hard you try to run them in your brain.”

“ Okay, Augie, I’m hearing you but aren’t you scared at all of letting go like that, like you might never feel those feelings again?”

“A life in fear is a life unlived. Your memory of someone is just that a memory, but those stars above are head right now are real. The mountain air that we’re about to experience, the people you might meet along the way, that might make you love life in a whole new way are real and it’s all now if you let it be. But that’s just it you have to let your life be now. You have to let go no once else can do it for you.