A Broken System: My Struggle with CRPS

I've been forced to confront the harsh reality of a system that prioritizes power and greed over people's lives. I've been marginalized, ignored, and dismissed. But I refuse to be silenced. I demand accountability, justice, and compassion. I urge those in power to walk in my shoes, to understand my struggles, and to act with humanity. I will not be defeated; I will rise above the corruption and continue to fight for my rights and the rights of others. Together, we can create a better world, a world that values empathy, kindness, and justice.

In 2017, my life changed forever. The injury left me with chronic pain, numbness, and a dependency on medications. I went from being a strong, independent person to relying on others for simple tasks. Stepping up and down curbs, walking up and down stairs, and even walking for short periods became excruciating challenges.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, I became increasingly depressed. I felt like I'd lost myself, and the reflection in the mirror confirmed it. My friends became support workers, and I became a client. The humiliation and frustration mounted, leading to breakdowns and outbursts.

Relationships began to fray, and friends and family started to leave. I was alone, struggling to cope with the physical, mental, and emotional changes. Medical requirements, like check-ups and medications, were often neglected due to financial constraints, adding to my stress.

I felt like Alice in Wonderland, lost and mad. The saying "as mad as the hatter and as lost as Alice" resonated deeply. I was 26 when it happened, now a broken 33 year old, with no family, no friends, and no means to support myself. The mercy of my ex-husband, who provided me with shelter, but at a cost of the last shreds of my sanity.

Leaving me to to the harsh reality of the world and how it runs.

It seems that even in today's Politically Correct society, accountability remains a myth, where justice is still elusive, and pain is all-consuming to the victim, while everyone else turns a blind eye. I find myself trapped in a never-ending nightmare, a symbol of the broken system, a victim of a dystopian world where power and greed reign over righteousness.

Once a strong and independent person, I now live a measured life of limbo, chained to the memories that broke my soul, my foot pinned to the ground by an eccentric contraption. Several pains inflict unimaginable agony, relentless and with no reprieve; inner hope and peace no longer exist. It all started with a simple act of not being listened to, which led to a lifetime of suffering.

Pinned in an abundance of outrageously drawn-out legal battles, my violent fatiguing pain is reduced to a mere decimal point on a degrading check. As the days turned into years, my body, once training to be a power lifter, deteriorated to a declining body, aging before my time. My mind is clouded by a cocktail of medications that promised relief but delivered only numbness.

The relentless pain of CRPS ravaged my once vibrant spirit, leaving behind a hollow sorrowful shell of who I used to be. Sleep became a distant memory, replaced by restless nights filled with sweat, restlessness, hot, and cold, only causing further discomfort. The changing of seasons felt like a cruel joke, as my world shrunk, often chained to the confines of my bed.

I fought for mobility, for relief, for justice, but found only betrayal and abandonment at every turn. The legal system, once a beacon of hope, now felt like a twisted game of cat and mouse, with me as the helpless prey. Reports and evaluations lost their integrity, as the pursuit of financial gain trumped any semblance of truth or justice.

My cries for help fell on deaf ears, as those who held the power turned a blind eye to my suffering. In my darkest moments, I contemplated ending my own life, seeking relief from a pain that seemed never-ending. But even in my desperation, I found no solace, no escape. The system that failed me refused to let me go, trapping me in a cycle of torment and despair.

As the days turned into weeks, my resolve began to wane. The once fierce fighter now felt the weight of the world bearing down on my shoulders, crushing my spirit with every passing moment. I longed for accountability, for someone to take responsibility for the pain and suffering they had caused.

But in this dystopian world, accountability had proven to be a myth, a precious gem lost to the sands of time, where once accountability did reign. And so, I remained trapped in my own personal hell, a symbol of a broken system that refused to acknowledge the harm it had laid at my feet.

It has been a really tough time to just be alive, but to add more impairments and daily obstacles, I have found myself pushed to the brink emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have been in survival mode for so long now, it seems the world has moved on, and I am still here. I feel so very neglected, and my personal, social, professional life have been completely railroaded.

Since my injury in 2017, I haven't really lived; more often than not, my life this past four years has been on hold and in survival mode consistently. I have had to give up many things and learn to adapt to permanent pain, as well as sudden pains and random sensations shooting through my foot, my leg, my knee, thigh, and lower back.

There are significant alterations in my life since this injury. For example:

- Cold weather causes awful pains and sensations

- Walking barefoot is unbearable

- Wearing socks or shoes is a challenge

- Sitting in water (bath, pool, spa) is excruciating

- Having showers is a painful experience

- Standing for longer than a few minutes is difficult

- Sitting for longer than a few minutes (depending on the position of my foot and leg) is painful

- Walking on uneven or different textures (grass, sand, path, gravel tracks) is a challenge

- Having sex (some positions I can no longer do) is now uncomfortable

- Orgasms (which cause leg spasms, burning, and discomfort) are no longer enjoyable

Not being able to land a job took a massive toll on my mental health, as well as my financial situation, and then, of course, impacted my physical situation, compromising my emotional state. Having no work caused a lack of finances, creating significant losses.

Missing out on strength training for my leg and foot (which has proven to have a positive and effective development both physically and mentally) has further limited my abilities.

Medical requirements, such as check-ups, medications, etc., weren't always able to be maintained due to finances, causing physical, mental, emotional distress.

Since my injury in 2017, I simply struggle to survive, not live. years have passed, and my life remains on hold, constantly adapting to permanent pain, sudden pains, and random sensations in my foot, leg, knee, thigh, and lower back. Simple tasks now pose significant challenges:

- Cold weather

- Walking barefoot or on uneven textures (grass, sand, path, gravel tracks)

- Wearing socks or shoes

- Sitting in water (bath, pool, spa)

- Having showers

- Standing or sitting for longer than a few minutes

- Intimate activities (some positions are no longer possible)

- Orgasms (cause leg spasms, burning, and discomfort)

The inability to work has devastated my mental health, financial situation, and physical well-being. I've missed out on strength training, which had positively impacted my physical and mental health. Financial constraints have made maintaining medical requirements, like check-ups and medications, a challenge, adding to my physical, mental, and emotional stress.

Socializing is difficult, often embarrassing, and fills me with guilt and shame. I'm limited in many ways, making things hard. I can't carpool or camp with friends due to my pain tolerance and mobility issues. Sometimes, my foot swells, becomes discolored, or I'm unable to move, leaving me dependent on others and unable to socialize.

I have had to give up many things and learn to adapt to permanent pain... But the pain went beyond physical suffering. It consumed my mind, eroded my sense of self, and left me a shadow of my former self. I stared at my reflection, struggling to recognize the person staring back.

No other choice, I stared at my reflection, struggling to recognize the person staring back. The injury had taken everything: my independence, my self-worth, and my sense of purpose. I felt like a ghost of my former self, trapped in a broken body.

years have now passed since the injury, anchored, chained and stuck in limbo, the delays, excuses, and procrastination have taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I'm stuck in a broken body, lost in my mind, with no escape. The humiliation and heartache of not being able to provide for myself are overwhelming.

I'm left with questions: What happens when there's nothing left? Where do you go when the game becomes full of barriers that just won't knock down? Does anyone ever really win? Will karma ever be a thing?

The burden of my heart is heavier than a thousand bricks in a small suit of skin. Time drags on, and I'm left with rotting memories that meant nothing. I'm scared, overwhelmed, and panicked. The opioids have taken their toll, blocking my insides like cement.

CRPS has destroyed everything; it's on par with being as damaging and debilitating as the broken down system!

I was a phoenix risen from the ashes, a flower blooming in the mud. I had overcome the challenges of my past, achieving greatness through determination and hard work. My life was a testament to the human spirit, a beacon of hope and resilience. But now, I'm a victim of a system that thrives on corruption, greed, and a lack of accountability.

The collective indifference, the blatant disregard for my well-being, is a stark reminder that my struggles, my triumphs, and my life mean nothing to those in power. How dare they attempt to diminish my efforts, to erase the progress I've made? How dare they try to break my spirit, to reduce me to a mere shadow of my former self?

It sounds like you've experienced a deeply frustrating and unfair situation. Your lawyer's actions, Centerlink's response, and the time constraints have all contributed to your struggles. It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed and disappointed in the system.

I was taken advantage of by my lawyer, who exploited my vulnerable state in a mental health rehabilitation program. While I was medicated, he had me sign paperwork, claiming it was for a criminal case, but it was actually the settlement for my CRPS case. Months later, I discovered I was broke, in debt, and had lost my job. Centerlink showed no compassion, disregarding my explanation and imposing a $20,000 debt. I tried to fight it twice, but they refused to listen.

The system's limitations are a joke. I was alone, heavily medicated, and unable to comprehend what was happening. By the time I regained cognitive ability, it was too late due to time constraints. It's as if they intentionally make it impossible for people like me to navigate.

I'm left wondering if those in power are truly oblivious to the struggles of others or if they're simply indifferent. The experience has left me feeling isolated, frustrated, and disillusioned with the system.

Thank you for sharing more about your experiences. It's clear that you've faced significant challenges in accessing support and adequate medical care for your CRPS. The fact that CRPS is not classified as a disability despite its debilitating effects is a significant issue.

"I've struggled to access NDIS support because CRPS is not considered a disability, despite its crippling impact on my life. This oversight is devastating, as CRPS is a life sentence that alters everything about a person. The lack of comprehension and compassion is staggering.

To make matters worse, I've been forced to attend mandatory appointments hours away at my own expense, exacerbating my pain and struggles. The worker's compensation claim has led to a never-ending cycle of visits to over 20 specialists, many of whom had never heard of CRPS. Finding my own medical team was a three-year battle, hindered by conflicting opinions and a focus on childhood traumas rather than my actual experiences.

The prejudice and hypocrisy are overwhelming. It's clear that those in power are more interested in dismissing my struggles than providing adequate support. I demand change and recognition for individuals affected by CRPS. We deserve compassion, understanding, and adequate resources to manage our condition."

I dare them to walk in my shoes, to face the obstacles I've overcome, to endure the pain and the suffering I've endured. I dare them to maintain their integrity, their compassion, and their humanity in the face of such adversity. But I know they cannot, for they are driven by a desire for power, a thirst for control, and a contempt for those they deem inferior.

Their actions are a regression to a medieval era, a time of barbarism and cruelty. They attack what they do not understand, simply because it threatens their status quo. But I will not be silenced, I will not be defeated. I will rise above their malice, their greed, and their corruption. I will continue to fight, to resist, and to demand justice.

For I am a survivor, a warrior, and a force to be reckoned with. I am a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there is always hope, always a way forward. And I will not let them take that away from me.