Embracing Tomorrow

“We have all the time in the world. At least that’s what he told me. But now he’s gone, isn't he.”  One moment your life’s perfect, and the next, everything seems to be falling apart. 

“I’m so sorry Liv.” she leaned in for a hug, “I’m here, I’m always here.”

Obviously I was thankful for Eliana, she always seemed to be right there when I needed her. But I just couldn’t believe her, she may not always be here. He wasn’t. ‘Always’ seemed like a blissful lie now. 

“I was working when it happened.” I started slowly, “Just a normal day, the sun shined on my phone and made it  hard to see the screen when I got the call.”

Eliana exhaled deeply, leaning back into the passenger seat of my car that remained in the hospital parking lot.

“I rushed in,” I continued, “he was on a bed. All these machines hooked up to his body.” I remembered his eyes meeting mine. I had felt so many things at once, “I got down beside him as doctors hurried around the room. I held his hands as I sat there on the floor. Those hands had held me close so many times, but now they felt cold.”

I could hear my voice starting to quaver. “The thing was, he never looked scared. But I guess that was just like him. He never seemed to be able to find anything to be afraid of. He would always take the risks. Said ‘there’s no point in living if you never try anything new.’ ”

“That was his motto,” Eliana agreed, “Like the time we all went on a road trip, he was determined to find a shark cage to go in while we were near the coast. ”

“Yea I remember, ” I laughed sadly. 

“One morning, he got up and said he was finally going to do it. We were all scared for him as we sat on the deck of the boat while they lowered him down, but a look of fear never crossed his face. ”

I remembered that day, wondering why he would want to do it.

“When he came back up we were all glad, and all he said was that he made friends with the sharks!” 

He would always make jokes in every situation, no matter how scary for everyone else. 

“Yea, he really was crazy.” I grasped Eliana’s hand as we laughed and cried at the same time, a strange feeling, but refreshing nonetheless. 

“He did all these crazy things because he always thought about it like ‘Why wouldn’t I’ instead of  ‘why should I’ ” Eliana explained.

I think I understood his reasoning a bit more now. “While I sat there on the hospital floor with him, ” I opened up, “I stroked his hair, and  just remembered how many times I had done that before, but in much better circumstances. ”

The both of us really had tears streaming down our cheeks now.

“I saw you do that to him all the time, ” Eliana admitted, “When we would go out with our friends to the park for a picnic. I remember you two laying on the blanket together. I had never seen two people who loved each other more. He was making you a crown of dandelions and you were playing with his curls.”

I recalled all those afternoons spent under the shade of that oak tree in the park. How carefree and relaxed we both were. We were together, and that was all that mattered to us. He gave me that little flower crown and called me his queen. I was always impressed at his patients when he would make those, how his fingers could move so delicately and not break any of the stems.

“Then, I started to hear  beeping on a machine, ” I said, going back to reliving that alarming moment, “the doctors all started talking frantically, but all I could hear was him. ” I stared down at my feet, “He just kept saying ‘I’m ok, I’m ok.’ Reassuring me even then.”

My mind went to a time when we were at the beach. The waves were huge that day, but he still insisted he wanted to surf them. I was watching from the safety of the warm sand, content with my book. I watched as he rode a mountainous wave, and I saw him fly off it weirdly. Staring out at him, I saw his friend start to tow him back to the beach with his board. I met them at the shore, it turned out he had fallen off his board and hit his ankle. And he told me ‘I’m ok Liv, I’m ok’ as I drove him to the same hospital where we are sitting right now. 

It turned out he had broken his ankle, but even after he was stuck in a cast for a few weeks, he never regretted surfing that day, ‘Those were some of the biggest waves I’ve ever surfed! It was awesome!’ He could always find the good in a situation that anyone else would perceive as bad. 

I jumped back out of my thoughts, seeing Eliana reach for my hand beside me. “Then he looked me in the eye and told me that I was gonna be ok and I was trying to believe him. Then he said he loved me. That's when I heard that one, continuous, beep. And I knew it was over.”

I just sat there with Eliana. For how long, I can’t remember. Finally allowing myself to process what had happened. Understand what it ment.

Until finally Eliana broke the silence saying, “He really did know how to live.”

It hit me that she was right, “Yea he really did.”

“He tried all these new things,” she continued, “he truly lived more in his lifetime than most people have, who were much older than him. Had more happiness, more adventures, more excitement, and more love than a lot of people I know.”

“Because he wasn’t scared,” I concluded, “He didn’t let the fear of risk dictate his decisions. I want to live like him.”

“I think everyone should strive to live like he did.” Eliana remarked, “We can. It’s the best way to remember him.”

And I completely agreed. From then on, me and Eliana decided to help each other to live life as well as we could. To fall in love with being alive, while we were still here. And so I could tell him of our adventures when we met again.