Welcome back, Da

Snow fell peacefully outside the window. I loved watching the snowfall, especially when it was so close to Christmas. It looked happy to me, and it made winter my favorite season.

“Looks like we’ll get a white Christmas!” Jordan laughed, jumping up on the couch next to me. I giggled as he breathed on the glass. “I haven’t seen a white Christmas since we were young.”

“We still are young, Jo,” I said. He made a face at me.

“Come on, Jessie, I am not young anymore. Next year, I’m going into the fifth grade. You are still young, being eight. But I’m ten. That makes me old.”

“That’s not fair,” I said, pushing him. “I am old too!”

“Hey!” He grabbed my hands and put them down. Looking straight into my eyes, he said, “I never said it was better to be old! Grandma is old too and she is always whining and complaining. As my dad always says---” Jordan launched to his feet, mimicking his old man --- “Enjoy your childhood while you can, kiddo.” He patted me on the head. “Enjoy being young, Jessie.”

I smiled as Jordan strolled out of the room. The twins scurried in. Both stared at me as I watched where Jordan had been. 

“Jessie,” Caroline started, “you’re not crushing on Jo, are you?”

I screamed, jumping down from the couch. Both of them shrieked as I chased them down the hall. Catching Caroline, I yelled over at Meredith, “Won’t you save your sister?” Meredith shook her head hard before running up the stairs. Caroline shrieked over and over for help as I held her down.

“What makes you think I like Jo?” I sneered. “He’s just as annoying as you. Nothing like a filthy cousin to remind me why I hate the holidays.” I pulled her hair a couple times before letting her up. She raced up the stairs immediately, putting as much distance between me and her.

Steps approached me from the behind. I spun quickly, ready to fight another child who would mess with me. Instead, I ran into my uncle’s leg. “Hey there, kiddo, what’s up?” he said. 

“I was just teaching Caroline a lesson --- “

“JESSICA ANN MARIE BAKER.”

Both my uncle and I looked up the stairs to where the call came from. “Looks like your mother found out about your little ‘lesson’ too,” he said, chuckling at me. I frowned. He patted my hair apologetically before walking away.

Jordan ran up behind me. “What happened?” he asked. I waved him off. 

“Nothing. My mom is just being controlling.”

“Don’t speak about your mother like that.” One of my aunts stood behind Jordan, hands on her hips. “She’s looking out for you.”

“I don’t need to be looked out for,” I snapped back.

“You’re a child.”

“I am not! I’m a young woman.”

“A little too young. Go upstairs to her ---” The doorbell cut her off. She spun, looking for who’d get it.

“Judice, grab that,” a call responded from the kitchen. My aunt sighed, turning and walking for the door. Jordan and I discreetly followed. 

Swinging the door open, Aunt Judice gasped. I leaped in front of her, excitement bubbling off of me. “Kaden?” she asked the person in front of us.

“Dad!” I cried. I reached for the glass door’s lock, ready to let him in.

“Hi, Judice,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s been a while.”

My hand slipped from the lock as my aunt took my arm, dragging me behind her. “We weren’t expecting you this year,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “How did you know we were celebrating here?”

“Daniel told me,” Dad said, his eyes downcast. I watched the two of them, confused. 

“Auntie, let Dad in,” I ordered, fighting her grip. She turned partially, shooting me a glare.

“Jordan, take Jessie to her mother.” Jordan nodded, taking my hand. I fought him as well, but he was much stronger than me.

“Stop fighting me!” he growled at one point as we struggled up the stairs.

“I want to see my dad!” I snapped back at him.

“You don’t even understand, Jessie,” He sighed, grabbing my other hand and pulling me up another stair. I twisted away from him. Dropping to one knee, I tumbled out of his grasp. “Jessie, wait!” he called as I ran for the front door.

“Judice, please, just a week,” I heard my dad beg as I rammed into my aunt.

“I don’t want to ruin everyone else’s holiday,” she said, turning as she finished. “Jessie! Dear Lord, go upstairs now!” She grabbed my wrist, holding me in place. “Jordan? Where the hell did you go?” 

“Don’t talk like that in front of her,” my dad said. My aunt shot him a glare.

“Give me a moment, Kaden. Let me deal with your devil-of-a-daughter before I respond.” 

“Don’t call her that either. But fine. Please be quick. It is cold out here.” 

“Wait!” I whined and screamed as Aunt Judice hauled me upstairs. “No! Stop! I don’t want to!” I started crying as she swung open a door.

My mom looked up, a dark look on her face. “Jessica,” she said, disappointment in her tone. “Get over here. What took you so long?”

“Kind words, Sasha,” another of my aunts scolded. “No child grows with hateful remarks thrown at them.”

“Says you, Ava. You have a criminal son.” Aunt Ava frowned, dropping what she was doing to shoot my mom a glare.

“Ladies, not in the presence of children,” My aunt Rylee sighed. She was fixing up Caroline and Meredith for the dinner in a couple of hours. Caroline was still crying. “Leave your petty arguments for when you are alone. Your negativity will affect them.”

My mom rolled her eyes, then stood up. “Jessica, what did I say about getting into fights?”

“I know,” I hiccupped. “I wouldn’t have done it if Caroline hadn’t ran her mouth.”

“Control your actions, and watch your words!” My mother grabbed my arm and walked me over to her chair. “They are your younger cousins. There is no reason for you to be so rude!”

“But Mom, she said I liked Jordan.” I glared over at Caroline. She shot me a raspberry, quickly turning away as the adults attention went to her. “I can’t like Jordan, he’s stupid and my cousin.”

“Don’t speak like that!” My mom pinched my cheek. I whined in pain as she turned me to Caroline. “Say sorry.”

“Not before she does!” I cried, tears running down my face.

“Jessica Ann, don’t be rude! If you are rude one more time, I’ll spank you.”

“But Mom!”

“No ‘buts’ little lady! Say sorry.”

I turned back to Caroline, sniffling. “I’m sorry, Caroline, that you are a little wuss who can’t take a punch. Stupid sissy.”

“Jessica Ann Marie!” My mother’s hand hit the back of my head. I collapsed as she shouted above me, “That was not an apology! Please do better!”

I stood up slowly, holding my head. Sobs shook my chest as I tried to force words out. “Jessica, we can’t wait forever,” Aunt Ava said. “Hurry up and say it.”

“Butt out, Ava,” Aunt Rylee said. “And don’t hit your kids, Sasha. That most certainly won’t help her not be violent.”

My mom searched for words. At loss of them, she huffed, “What would you know? You have none.”

“And never will,” Aunt Ava cackled. “Not with who you sleep with!”

Aunt Rylee turned to me. “Baby, do you know what you did wrong?”

“Y-yes,” I stammered. 

“Do you know why you acted like that?”

“Because Ca, Caroline said something r-rude and st-stupid.”

“Because you were hurt by her words?”

“Yeah.”

“So we need an apology on both sides.” She looked at Caroline. “You’ll say sorry for saying what you said to her, and Jessie will say sorry for hitting you.”

“But she hurt Caroline! That is worse,” Aunt Ava interrupted.

“Plus,” my mom said, “stop telling me how to raise my kid.”

“I’m trying to help you, Sasha,” Aunt Rylee said carefully.

“I didn’t ask for your help, Rylee. Leave us alone.”

“Ask the kids. As long as they are happy --- “

“This isn’t about them!” My mother strode over to Aunt Rylee. “How would you know what is better for children when you will never have any?”

“I have never said I don’t want children --- “

“You’ll never have a man, resulting in never having children. Case closed. Leave us be.”

Aunt Rylee pursed her lips, then looked at me. “Don’t break your spirit, Jess,” she said as she exited the room. I watched her, not wanting to look at my mom.

“Say sorry, Jessie, before we all grow beards from having to wait.”

“Girls can’t grow beards,” I muttered.

“Jesus Christ! Is it so hard to just do something right?” My mom grabbed my chin, making me look up into her eyes. “Just do as I say and you would be happy! We would be done! You would be downstairs, playing with the other kids. But instead, you make everything difficult!”

Spit flew from her mouth and hit my eye. I clapped one of my hands over the eye, crying from the pain. Her rant continued as I dropped to my knees. I heard Caroline laugh as my mom dragged me to my feet.

“Just say sorry!” she yelled. “That is the final time I am saying this.” She turned me to Caroline again. “Come on. Do it. NOW.”

“Caroline,” I started, barely squeaking out the word over my sobs. I lost my breath as I continued crying. My mom shook me, prompting me to continue. I heard Caroline and Meredith giggle again.

Anger flared up inside of me. It was unfair that they could laugh and mock me while I was trying to do my best. Clamping my mouth shut, I turned to my mother. I stared up into her eyes before saying, “No, I don’t want to say sorry.”

She slapped me. “I’m not giving you a choice.” I straightened as the twins guffawed behind me. I knew when to switch targets. 

Turning, I grabbed Caroline’s hair and threw her to the ground. She rolled, screaming the entire time. I reached for Meredith, crawling onto the bed to reach her. She also screamed, scrambling backwards. 

“Jessica! Stop that right now!” My mother’s arm wrapped around my middle. I wiggled out of it easily and raised a fist to hit Meredith.

“No, stop, I didn’t do anything!” she sobbed, curled into a ball. 

“Don’t laugh at me, you little idiot!” I yelled, punching her. She continued to cry as I hit her again and again.

“Jessica!” My mother and aunt pulled me off the bed and tossed me into the chair next to it. I didn’t even sit as I slid away from them, reaching for Caroline. 

She stood in the corner of the room, terrified. I grabbed and dragged her out the room. She kicked and screamed, but couldn’t break from my hold. I held her right in front of the stairs.

An audience gathered at the bottom, staring up at Caroline and me. “Never laugh at me,” I snarled, holding her above the fall only by her hair. Her weight made me want to tumble, but I didn’t want to hurt her, just scare her.

“Okay, okay,” she sobbed, “I won’t laugh, I’m sorry.”

“You are a loser --- ” I was jerked back mid-sentence. My hand went to my head as someone tugged me. The voice of my mother scolded me over and over, but I couldn’t listen as I watched Caroline drop. 

She screamed and tumbled, her shrieks blocked out by the other cries of my family. My uncle, Daniel, raced up and caught her before she hit the bottom. Sighs of relief floated up, followed by remarks to my behavior. My mom still held my hair, but now she watched everyone else before doing anything.

“Sasha.” It was my grandfather. He stood at the bottom, dusting Caroline off. She clung to him, hiccupping and shaking. “Do something about that daughter of yours.”

“Any recommendation, Dad?” Mom asked, pulling me against her chest. I stood perfectly still next to her.

Grandpa waved his hand in the air, dismissing the question. “Just something that works.” He glared at her. “If me and your mother could raise you so well, do the same for our granddaughter.”

“Of course.” My mother began to pull me after her. My eyes burned as I wondered how hard it would hurt this time. 

“Stop! Sasha! Don’t touch her!” 

Everyone in the area turned, staring up the hall. My dad stood at the back of the crowd, his face terrified. “Don’t hit her, Sasha, you crazy witch,” he cursed. 

“K-aden?” My mother said, her voice falling. She let go of me, stumbling down the stairs. “What are you doing here? Who let you in?” She stopped at the bottom. The rest of our relatives split between them, leaving a part. They whispered among themselves. I sat myself on the top stair, knowing better than to run.

My mom’s hand went up to her chest. “Are you … coming back? To us?” Her eyes dropped, a smile on her lips. “Possibly, if I may say, back to me?”

The look on my father’s face read nothing but disgust. “No. I would never do that. Plus,” he reached behind. Another woman stepped up, a frown on her face as she looked upon the rest of my family, “I have a wife now.”

The smile on my mother’s face disappeared. “What?” I saw her redden and knew Dad was in for it. “You dared show up uninvited to show me your new wife? Why would you do that? Just to hurt me more?”

“Wife and family,” Aunt Judice mumbled. “The woman had three kids when Kaden married her. He brought them all here.”

“What?” my mom screamed. “Why? How much more pain do you want to cause me? After all we had, you threw it all away and then dare to strut back into my life, ripping open all the wounds I have worked so hard to heal?” Tears fell from her face as she turned away from him. “Leave us alone, Kaden. Let us celebrate happily out of your presence.”

My relatives swarmed my mother, comforting her with “He never deserved you,” “Such audacity,” “May his new chick leave him too,” and other jabs at my father. A muscle jumped in his jaw as he stepped forward.

“Wait, Sasha,” he said, stopping before the mob of family members glowered at him. “You didn’t let me talk. I came for Jessie.”

“You can’t have her!” Aunt Ava laughed. “Not after you lost in court.”

“We agreed to many terms, most of which you have been ignoring,” he continued. His eyes found mine behind the railing. “You were to have her for two holidays, then she’d spend one with me, remember? The judge ruled it.”

“Then why don’t you just take it to court,” Mom snapped, “instead of dragging my heart through the mud again?”

“Because the judge wouldn’t listen to me.” He glared over at my grandma. “Not with whatever she bribed him with.”

“No such thing happened,” Grandma squawked, laughing at my dad. 

“Stop lying!” My dad yelled. “I have always been pitted against in this family! Why do you think I left in the first place? I thought I could save you, Sasha, and I thought I could help all of you, over time.” He chuckled darkly, face palming himself. Talking around his hand, he said, “I was an idiot, driven by my savior complex, trying to heal an abusive family. What was wrong with me.”

“How dare you say that, Kaden,” Mom yelled. “We are a perfect family, just fine and growing without you. You should really have stayed away.”

“I wish I did!” He shouted back. “God, what was I thinking!”

“You obviously weren’t!”

“I know! I just wanted to see her!” His hand shot up, pointing at me. Silence followed as eyes turned to me. I pulled my knees against myself, wondering when they would be done. My dad looked up at me too, his eyes sad. “I just came for Jessica.”

“You can’t have her.”

My dad’s mouth was set. “It’s either you give her to me until January, or I stay for your Christmas.”

“You’re not in the position to make deals.”

“Make a choice, Sasha,” Dad snapped, malice in his words.

Mom shifted uncomfortably. “Kaden, you’re being inappropriate.”

“Just like your abusive tendencies?”

“Fine.” My mom looked up at me, her eyes just as sad as my dad’s. “Come on, Jessica.” She turned back to Dad. “Let her pack. Give her an hour.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“I know that.” Mom spun and began for the stairs. I scurried back. “Calm down, girl. You’re staying with your father.” She yelled over the railing, “Only until January 10, when school starts again!”

“Fair enough.” He beamed at me. “I’ll see you in the car, Jessie.”

“See you, Dad!” I called, jumping up and running for the room I was staying in. I spun about, throwing my clothes back in my suitcase.

“Happy to leave?” Jordan leaned against the doorframe, watching me pack.

“I’m so excited!” I giggled. “I love staying with my dad.”

“Sounds fun.” He walked over to the window, looking out. We didn’t speak as I finished my work. Dragging my suitcase to the door, I watched him watch the snow. “I’m just thinking,” he said, as if he noticed my gaze. “I’m thinking if maybe my dad would let me go?”

“Only way to know is to ask,” I said merrily, skipping through the hall. Jordan jogged next to me. “That’s what my father has always said.”