Her

Every kid dreams about getting super powers and saving the world. The harsh truth is, it doesn't always work like that. For as long as I can remember, I have had the... ability... to stop time. I always thought it was a great gift but now... it's a curse. As a kid, it was always fun to play silly pranks and I'll admit that I stole a bit too. I never stopped time for too long, only for what felt like a few hours at the longest. But accidents happen. I've been here for days - or at least what feels like days - standing by her hospital bed. Reliving that dreadful moment over and over in my head. Maria... the love of my life. I knew for a long time that this would happen but that only made things harder. Her first diagnosis two years ago was difficult but I always thought we would make it through together. Now she is about to leave me. I can't let her go. Time has been still for so long, it's almost as if I've already lost her.

March 1, 2012. It's a day I remember perfectly. The greatest day of my life. I was out and about, messing with people using my ability when suddenly, I saw her, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Even now, I can remember every single detail of that moment. It took a lot of courage to ask her out on a date, but it has all been worth it. We had fun for years, going on dates and simply enjoying each other's company. After the best four years of my life, I knew I had to ask the question. We went to a remote beach that made us feel like we were the only two people on the planet. Once I got her to look away, I got behind her and said the four words I never thought I'd be able to say. "Will you marry me?"

2 years of marriage. I only had 2 years to be with my amazing wife before she was diagnosed with cancer. After she was diagnosed, I spent days, weeks, even months in paused time trying to study medicine. But it was never enough. Maria's health got worse and I couldn't keep up. She spent more and more time in the hospital, looking worse and worse as time goes on. It's always time. If only there was more. If only it didn't pass so quickly. If only. Now all I can do is watch, holding her weak, bony hand as she lies on the hospital bed. Even if time wasn't stopped, she wouldn't know I was here. My poor Maria hasn't opened her eyes in over a week. drip. Another tear falls down. How many tears have I shed in the past 2 years? Does it make up for the times I have failed her? Does she know how much I love her? Did I hug her and kiss her and tell her everything would be alright enough? Does she think I'm enough?

All these questions race around in my mind but I'll never know the answers. It was just one hour ago (in real time of course) that the nurse told me Maria would never wake up again. Surely that can't be true though right? Surely there is a way to wake her. I wouldn't have this ability if there wasn't. But I've tried everything. It isn't enough no matter what I do. I loved... no... I love her... so much, but I can't help her. Why am I so useless? Why was I given the ability to stop time when I can't do anything with it? Why did it have to be the woman I love that suffers such a terrible fate?

It's time. I've been like this for too long, holding her hand while the whole world is motionless. I've been telling myself for... I'm not sure how long... that I should unfreeze time. But I can't do it. Unfreezing time means giving up. Unfreezing time means losing her. If I do it, I'm letting go of everything I've loved and cherished for the past 12 years. I can't do it. I can't. drip. There goes another tear. It's weird to see something move when time is frozen. Maybe it's because it is a part of me that my tears can fall. I'm not sure how but I've managed to keep myself from losing control for a while. Only a few tears have actually fallen. Maybe if I hold them all in, it will be easier. I just need more time.

It's not fair. I'm not being fair. With this ability, I have gotten more time to be with Maria. Nobody else has ever gotten extra time. Maybe I should be greatful. Maybe... just maybe... it isn't a curse. With this... gift... I have been able to do more with her than anybody else. I shouldn't be selfish.

After several days of time being frozen, I take a deep breath... and let go. I let go of time, I let go of my selfishness, and I let go of her. I can hear. I can hear her soft breathing. I can hear the beeping of her heart monitor. I can hear the business of the hospital. I can hear... is that crying? It's hard to breathe. It's hard to think. I need to stop time again. I can't let go. Just as I try to freeze time, I pause. Is this what she would want? Maria always said she would want me to be happy and to be able to move on. It isn't right to torture myself over the inevitable. I grab her hand again. It's cold. Why is it so cold?

A squeeze... "Maria?". She was here. That one squeeze... such a small movement to give me reassurance in her final moments. Her way of saying that everything would be okay. Maybe I don't need to freeze time. I watch her face, still so beautiful even after all she's been through... and the heart monitor falls flat.

"Maria?" nothing. She is gone. My life, my everything... gone just like that. But yet, I feel no regrets. What a strange feeling. After spending so much time in the motionless world, I thought it would be worse. My heart aches for her but yet... I know she wouldn't want me to suffer. Now, I let the tears fall. It's okay to cry, right? I lean in one last time, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. The last time. It's always time. Now I say to her for the final time...

"I love you."