I Remembered the Light

On the slopes was a young man and young woman, skiing together. Daniel, under his helmet and mask, had short brown hair and bright blue eyes. He would have liked to think he was striking, but really he was just an ordinary sort of handsome. With him was Darla, who had come along as his ski buddy. They’d also come with a friend, Alice, but she was actually afraid of skiing and admitted she had just come along for moral support. The three had laughed about it, but it did leave her alone in the lodge waiting for them to be done.

“What’s going on with you and Alice?” Darla asked as they went down the hill, as close as they could to talk, but not wanting to get in each other’s way.

“I’ve told you, it’s nothing,” Daniel said. “We like hanging out together, nothing more.”

“I still don’t believe it.”

“And what about you?” Daniel asked. “When are you going to get a job?”

“Once I have my degree,” Darla iterated. “You know that.”

“Art is not a job,” he remarked. “They’re called starving artists for a reason.”

“I’ve got talent,” she said, exasperated. “I just need the skill.”

“It’s a ruthless field.” He moved away a bit to get off to the side, and she followed. “Too many artists, not enough patrons.”

“I’ll just have to prove you wrong.”

There was a split that they could see up ahead, with a path going toward the right, and Darla went toward it. “Looks like a trail over here,” she said. “Why don’t we check it out?”

“Are you sure that’s a trail?” Daniel asked as he followed, but they came up on it quickly, and they both wound up going down it before his question was answered.

If this was a trail, it had certainly led to a more difficult branch. But it soon proved to be more than they bargained for. They followed ski tracks left by others who had come this way, but the area obviously wasn’t groomed, as there was fresh snow in many places.

They tried to keep up conversation, but their attention was often diverted by concentrating on following the apparent path that other skiers took. He wound up behind her at some point as the “trail” narrowed. When it widened again, he kept behind her, and it seemed a little easier to follow. They wound up falling into easy conversation as distractions waned.

#

As they talked, Daniel had barely been paying attention and almost didn’t see the rock ahead of them. He moved to dodge it and didn’t realize how close he was to a tree. Thoomp! He fell into a deep pit of powdered snow and found himself partially buried in a tree well.

“Hey!!” He shouted as loud as he could, hoping to get his partner to hear him and realize he was no longer there.

He could her a muffled and seemingly distant reply. Was it even a reply? Why was her voice so distant? He started trying to unbury himself, though more snow seemed to just keep taking the place of the snow he moved.

“Darla! I fell down a well!” Damn, did that sound strange.

He could hear her voice again, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. He continued shouting her name and various iterations of “over here!” to attract her to him, but when the sound of her started growing closer, it soon started going further again. He could clearly hear her shouting his name, however, but he realized it would be hard for her to find him at this rate. His mind raced. They were already lost. How far were they from the bottom? It didn’t matter. They would need help one way or another.

While they could still hear each other, he shouted out at her, “get help!”

“I can’t just leave you!” she shouted back.

“You can! I’ll be fine! Get back down the hill and get someone!”

“Alright! Hang tight!”

He could hear as she passed by him again and then the faint sound of her leaving.

#

It didn’t take long before Daniel realized he could exhaust himself trying to dig out of the tree well, and could even possibly bury himself further. What most people don’t know is that snow could be amazingly insulating. That was why igloos actually worked as shelter, after all. Well, that was part of it, anyway. Working hard at trying to unbury himself could have the opposite effect and heat him up as well. Possibly too much between the layers of outerwear and snow. He did his best to get close to the trunk of the tree instead and hold onto it.

His mind started to wander as he stood there, hugging the tree. He realized that however long it took for help to arrive, he would have time to think. And the first thing he thought about was Darla, chasing her dreams.

She seemed to be pursuing her degree with passion and conviction. He had tried telling her the art world was ruthless, and there were starving artists for a reason, true, but he really did hope for the best with her.

He wondered about himself, and what he would do if he really was willing to give up his accounting job. It was true, he thought, that he didn’t have any great love for the job, but what did he have a love for? Guitar? Singing? He sighed to himself. That would never work. What would his family think? What would his friends think? What would… what would Alice think?

He had a stable job right now. The company was doing well, he was only a junior accountant but had no fear of losing his job, and it certainly paid the bills; really and then some due to the way the company treated their employees. If only his boss treated him as well as the CEO encouraged in the training videos.

He tried to rest against the tree the best he could, but there was no way to get comfortable and remain on his feet at the same time. But he didn’t dare try to sit, lest he find himself further buried by the wrong movement or find himself unable to get back to his feet.

He thought about Alice. What would she think if he left his job and pursued a musical career? He knew his friends and family enjoyed his talents, but they weren’t really good enough to make a living off of, were they? And she seemed to enjoy that they were able to go out together and hang out.

The more he thought about her, the more worried of how accepting she really might be. She had a good, stable job as well, and acted as though that was the most important thing in her life. She might even look down on him for no longer having a lucrative career path. Perhaps even not being able to provide for himself.

But what did he care? he thought to himself. It wasn’t like they were together. They were friends, sure, but why should it matter what she thought of him? It wasn’t his responsibility to please her. He scoffed to himself, then sighed. What was he even thinking? His mind seemed to have wandered too far.

Then he really considered it. What did she mean to him? Anything? Nothing? … Everything? He knew he liked it when she was happy. He enjoyed when she smiled. But… she seemed a little shallow. But was that really her, or what he imagined? Did he ever really get to know her that well? Their conversations were all small talk. Just chit chat over drinks. And when he thought about it, really thought about it, he realized he wanted to get to know her better.

He took a deep breath. Then another. How long had it been? Where was Darla? His sense of time was skewed. He let his mind wander a while longer, this time continuously re-hashing what he’d already been thinking about.

#

He had started to ruminate before he realized it had started getting dark. Panic was starting to set in. He was wondering if Darla had made it down the mountain safely. That the bottom was close enough she would have been able to get help and get back to him before he passed out, buried under snow. His legs had been ready to give out a while back, but focusing on his thoughts had distracted him from it. Now the fatigue was starting to set in.

“…!!” came some sort of shout from someone.

He felt his heart skip a beat. Then was another call. And another. “Here!!” he shouted with what strength he had left, boosted by the adrenaline of a possible rescue.

The snow was still muffling sound, and the shouts sounded so distant, but he knew they were closer than they seemed. ‘Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.’ He laughed as the thought came to mind, and he momentarily thought he was going crazy. Or perhaps delirious.

“Over here!!” he shouted again. “Hey!!” His voice cracked a little on that and he coughed. It was then he realized that despite his mask, the cold had settled into his throat, just kept warm enough by the rest of his body heat.

He could hear something approaching and barking. A snout appeared over the edge of the well and sniffed at him. They’d brought a snow dog! And how happy he was to see it!

The dog barked again, and he could faintly hear, “over here!”

People approached and he could soon see heads above him.

“Hang in there,” one of them said. A man. “We’ll have you out soon.”

One of the others, he couldn’t tell if they were a man or woman, started packing down the side of the well with a shovel so it was more solid. Another two used their shovels to start getting other mounds of snow up and away from him.

As they cleared things a little, a woman, by the sound of her voice, reached for him. “Can you take my arm?”

Daniel nodded and reached out. He hadn’t realized just how unsteady he was before he nearly fell. He just managed to grasp her at the end of her coat, and she took his arm as well. She grabbed his sleeve with another hand and started pulling. He could just see that there was a rope tied to her, someone likely at the other end making so she didn’t fall in as well. He grabbed her with his other hand, holding on for dear life.

After what felt like a long while, but was probably only a few minutes, they pulled him free. He fell to the packed snow and found he could barely keep propped on his hands. He could just hear Darla saying something, but he was exhausted. He assumed she had been staying out of the way and letting the rescue team do their job. Someone helped him onto a sled, and they started downhill.

#

Daniel was brought into the rescue station, some few miles from the ski lodge. To his surprise, Alice was there, and she rushed over to him and took his hand. Somewhere along the way his skis had been removed, and he barely wondered where they had been put.

He took Alice’s hand and held it, not saying anything, and not making out anything she was saying. He realized his grip was weak, but somehow her presence was comforting.

The adrenaline was long gone, and he had barely managed to stay awake on the way down, which his tired body protested. He thought he may have dozed off somewhere along the way, because it had seemed shorter than he expected. But now… now he was certainly safe and warm.

He was brought over by a heater, just close enough to feel its soothing presence. He thought he heard someone else talking to him, but he couldn’t make them out. He gave in to the fatigue of his body and mind and fell asleep.

#

He was sharing a cup of hot cider with Darla and Alice in the lodge the next day, after he had been cleared to return, though told to take it easy. Really, they didn’t have to say that; he could feel in his bones that he needed to rest.

Darla stayed with him and Alice, not having anyone to ski with and not wanting to go look for a partner. Daniel was fairly certain she wanted to stick around and watch over him, and he was grateful for it.

After a while of random bits of talk, they grew quiet, each one contemplative. Daniel looked over at Alice, who was looking down into her mug with a troubled expression.

“What’s wrong, Alice?” Daniel asked.

“You could have died,” she said quietly. She teared up a little. “I don’t know what I would have done if you died.”

“I’m alive. Darla got help and managed to find me. That’s what matters.” He smiled softly and took her hand. “You know, I was thinking back there that you and I talk, but never about important stuff.”

She smiled in return. “For me, it was all important.”

He had a quizzical look on his face. “What do you mean?”

She squeezed his hand, then looked up at the rafters. “I guess… Because we talk, no matter what it’s about, it’s like a little peek into who you are. The things you complain about at work, the things you enjoy about it.” She brought her attention back at him. “Even though it’s all only ever work talk, it kind of tells me who you are.”

He hadn’t thought about it that way. “There’s more to me than work, though. Aren’t you ever curious?”

“Sometimes. But I don’t like to pry.”

Darla smiled toward the two of them. “Don’t worry, the rest of him is just a pain in the ass.”

“Darla,” Daniel chided. “On that note, however… I was thinking about you pursuing your art degree—”

“Don’t start,” Darla said with exasperation once again. “I know you don’t approve—”

“Let me finish,” Daniel countered. “I was thinking about it, and I was thinking I might do something similar.”

Both women looked confused.

“Pursuing an art degree?” Alice asked.

“Pursuing music.” He nudged Darla. “You’re following your dreams… Maybe it would be good for me to have a dream that doesn’t involve accounting.”

“You’d leave your cushy job?” Darla asked with skepticism.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Daniel shrugged. “But I think I would start with some actual guitar lessons. And vocal lessons. And maybe play here or there afterward.” He chuckled at the thought. “Accounting isn’t a great job anyway, I guess.”

Alice gave his hand a squeeze. “I can help out, if you want,” she said. “I mean, if you want to pursue music. I’ve heard you before. Maybe if you gain real skill at it, you can at least pay half your bills.” She giggled a little.

Daniel smiled at her. “I’d like that. Not that I want you to support me financially, I’d like your support.” He looked at Darla. “Both of you.”

Darla and Alice both nodded.

Darla put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m with you.”

“So…” Alice started. “Daniel… while I’m supporting you… want to…” She seemed to be getting uncharacteristically shy.

“Go out?” he finished for her. “I would love you.” He caught himself after her head it and tried to correct. “Love to. I would love to.”

Darla laughed loudly and shoved him a bit. “Freudian slip!”

“Shut it, Darla,” he snapped, though it was good-naturedly.

Alice blushed a little but gave him a wide grin. “Just remember, you said it first.”

“You shut it too.” Daniel glanced away with a blush, but realized it didn’t really matter. Alice hadn’t rejected him, hadn’t said it was too fast too soon, and hadn’t made much more of it than it was.

Things were going to be okay.