No Regrets

I look at myself in the mirror and smile. I’m wearing a white top with colorful flowers lining the bottom and black pants. Normally I don’t care about my appearance, but today I’m meeting somebody important.

***

I reach the restaurant and see her in the back of the room. 

“Hey, Catherine!” I say and go in to hug Catherine.

“Hey, Julia! Oh my god, it’s been so long since we met!” Catherine exclaims. “It’s been like, what, at least ten years.”

“I know right? I feel like we just graduated from high school, though obviously, I don’t look like it!” We both laugh and I smile. 

“So tell me, how you been?” Catherine says.

I’ve been preparing myself to tell her the news for weeks now. I start, “Well, to be honest-”

I’m cut off by a message alert from Catherine’s phone. “I’m so sorry.” She says apologetically. 

“Oh it’s fine-” I say and see Catherine looking at her phone.

“Oh my god!” She squeals. “I and my husband put an offer on this three million dollar house and it was just accepted!”

“Congratulations!” I say, awkwardly.

Catherine continues, “You wouldn’t believe how long we’ve been trying to find a house. We just sold our penthouse, but have been trying to find somewhere to live.” 

“Penthouse.” I echo. “Sounds fun.”

“It was amazing! It was great, but you know it got a little bit small, so we decided to upgrade to this house.” She says, excitedly.

I think about my cramped one-bedroom apartment and smile.

“I’m so sorry, I totally interrupted you, what were you saying?”

Suddenly I don’t feel so prepared. But, I have to get it over with. “Oh, I was just saying-”

“Hello, I’m Robert and I’ll be your waiter today. Welcome to the Red Lobster. Here are the menus.” I look up and see a waiter, looking at us. He hands us menus and smiles.

“Oh thank you! I’ve eaten here before and the caviar is to die for.” Caviar? I couldn’t afford caviar in my dreams!

I take a sip of water and glance at the menu. I almost spit it out. Everything on it is above twenty-five dollars, and that’s just the appetizers!

“Oh um, I really can’t afford-” I begin.

Catherine nods and looks at my outfit, shaking her head slightly. “Oh, no worries. I’ll pay.” 

“Are you sure?” I say.

“Of course!” She giggles.

“Oh well, then I’ll have the cheese ball bites, I guess.” I don’t mention that it’s also the least expensive item,

“Sounds great!” The waiter says and jots it down.

“And, I’ll have the… let’s see, the blini with caviar and baked brie,” Catherine says.

“Excellent choice! Would you ladies like anything to drink?”

“Oh no, the water’s fine,” I say.

“Water? No! Do you have single malt whiskey?” 

“Yes we do, which one will you like?”

“Glenlivet for her, and-”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t drink alcohol.”

“Oh, well then, I’ll have Glenlivet.”

“Great! Anything else?”

“That’ll be all for now.” Catherine smiles. The waiter walks away and Catherine turns her attention back to me. “So, what happened with Freya?” She says.

Freya. Freya was my girlfriend in high school. “Wow, it’s been so long. I and Freya broke up after graduation.” I say. “It’s fine, though,” I add, after seeing her expression.

“Oh, so nobody special?” She says.

“Well, no. But I do have something to tell you-” I’m cut off, again, but this time it’s from my phone.

I look at it and see a call from my doctor, Dr. Fergenstein. “I’m sorry, I really have to take this.”

Julia nods at me and smiles. “Of course!”

I walk to a corner of the restaurant. I pick it up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Julia. I need you to come straight away.” He says, breathlessly.

“Yeah, of course,” I say.

I head back to the table. 

“Hey, are you ok? What was that all about?” Catherine looks at me, concerned.

“I’m sorry, something came up,” I say.

I have to go, but we’ll catch up later.”

***

1 Week Later

I’m awakened by a knock at the door. I see Catherine walk in, with a concerned expression. She walks towards me, slowly. She’s holding flowers, daffodils, I hate them, but it’s fine. Nothing to be done about that.

“Why…” she starts. “Why didn’t you tell me? That you were sick, that all of this was happening?” She asks.

 I tried. I want to say. The whole time we were eating, I kept on trying to talk to you. To say goodbye. But, it was always about you. About your house, your clothes, your marriage, your life. 

But, I can’t say that. Instead, I just look at her with a helpless expression.

After a moment, she understands. Her face softens. “You were trying to tell me, weren’t you? During our lunch. And I made it all about me. I just kept on talking about my life, and how amazing it was.'' She takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I know it’s too late now, and you probably can’t forgive me, but I’m sorry.”

I manage a small smile. “It’s all right,” I say softly. “I understand that you weren’t trying to make it all about you.” 

She comes closer, sets the flowers down, and hugs me. She steps back. Her eyes are happy but tinged with sadness. There’s not much time left for me.

She takes a deep breath, and I do the same.

“No regrets?” She says, winking at me. It was our promise to each other back when we were kids, back when everything was so simple.

“No regrets,” I say, and smile.

***

6 hours later.

I’m fading. I can feel it. From the tips of my finger to the bottom of my feet. My light is slowly fading away. 

It’s dying. 

I’m dying. 

It doesn’t feel like a burden. It feels like a weight is being lifted off of me. I feel lightened. 

“I’m ready,” I say, I think. I feel.

And then I’m still.