You and me: Us

I met her only yesterday. Wait, that’s not true. I’ve known her my whole life, but yesterday. Yesterday was different. You see she’s been a common denominator in my life. Through the tears, hissy fits and honestly nobody knows my greatest hits like her. She doesn’t just know those parts of me, she is those parts of me, because in those memories and moments you see, she was there. Always carrying a smile to match my frown, a laugh to match my scowl even tears when I am overjoyed. To call her a rock is just wrong because she’s done more, been more. She took me, my emotions in every moment of my life and she absorbed them. Felt them. Nestled and caressed them. Then she changed them. All this time I let her work on me. Form and shape me from good and bad. But yesterday…. Yesterday I looked at her and I smiled.

Growth takes time. And more than that growth is a choice an active decision that is a leisurely process until its suddenly there. Hers has arrived. Sweet and blissful I saw the face of her growth and I was in awe. She walked into the first day of school like it was the best day of her life. Maybe it was. Its high school, everyone says that it can be the best time of your life. Who does it hurt to start with optimism, right? We got to our lockers alone, we’re shy sometimes. It’s easy because we’ve had each other our whole lives but with others… a group walks past us and break into a run upon seeing the familiar faces of their friends, excited to see one another they erupted into a blur of shrieks and hugs. She looked at me sadly but I ignored her, not today. She smiled; I might’ve even spotted a tinge of pride in her smile if I had looked at her. Our morning conversation was all ecstatic chatter about stepping into our own and all the great things about finally being in high school. So engulfed in a new happiness, a brief joy that we felt would last forever.

Our first class was a sobering experience. A dull old lady with a heart as warm as her personality was bright. We didn’t care though. Our teacher may have gone on and on about the hard work ahead and focus required but she sat with me. She sat with me. She wasn’t scared or anxious about the road ahead, somehow, she could still be a little silly. Young and untainted by the world, I envy it. It’s my favorite thing about her, the youthful experience she has of the world. We are the same but I find myself grabbing for mine as it occasionally slips. Today I was young and I loved it. We couldn’t stop giggling and making little comments under our breaths, one escaped my lips as much more than a whisper and the people around me laughed. We made some more friends. No longer having to giggle alone. Its nice. There were a couple of us in a group getting to know each other as we navigated the hallways trying to get to our next class. A lot of them seemed really cool and had great stuff to say. The time flew by so smoothly that I almost felt at home, peaceful. Every laugh I uttered was true. If I thought she had been different in that first class those next few classes were staggering. I know her. I just never imagined everyone else knowing her like I do. She’s smart, a real curious mind. She used to spend hours in the library just consuming information but we’re quiet souls. Not yesterday.

She raised her hand. I heard the question, it wasn’t difficult. Revisionary, really. The moment her hand was up, I panicked. What will they think? Is it cool to answer questions, to know things? I know things so why not, its never that easy, can’t be. In a stressed craze I couldn’t help but think, wow. She’s gorgeous. She raises her hand confidently and with a smile. She answered, correctly. I figured she would. She’s smart. The whole package, if you will. We looked around, our friend’s fist bumped us or shot a little wink our way. She smiled, like that’s what she had expected. Little fraud I thought playfully she giggled and let out a breath. She had been scared. We are the same.

Lunch time was just the same all fun and positivity, answering so many questions about ourselves, what we like, don’t like, how the day has been… They cared enough to ask. As the day passed on, we held on to each other so tightly. Not because we needed each other so desperately but because we were proud of ourselves. So proud it was hard to say it and so instead I looked at her and smiled somewhere and at sometime throughout that chaotic, exciting day I looked at her and smiled because I couldn’t help but smile. Here we are I thought. She nodded. I smiled at my reflection as I passed by the screen door of one of the art classes. “You’re beautiful you know. Not in a vain way. Just beautiful.” We had a good day. A beautiful day. A day of growth. I walk with her down the road to my house. My mom will be there when I arrive, she’ll love the day I’ve had, my dad too. I walk the streets almost skipping. She pulls me back as I almost cross the street as cars are moving. “I can’t lose you.” I smile knowingly. We joyfully and safely continue on our path back home. My phone dings with a few messages from my new friends about a bunch of different things. I reply as I walk into the door occupied. I stop at the mirror just opposite the front door, it is a full-length mirror. I look at her and smile. “Thank you for today. It was a beautiful day. A new day. I have had an epiphany of sorts today. Something I can’t forget and don’t want to.” I smile. “Today and every day I fall in love with you. I love you. I am in love with you.” I look up and see my mother smiling at me. She is almost tearful. I turn away from the mirror and she hugs. “There’s so much to love baby.” She puts her hand over my heart. “But this, this is where we start.” I nod as we walk into the kitchen.