Hard Knock

Trigger Warning: Mental health, Physical violence, gore, or abuse

Hard Knock

In a crowd full of strangers, the silence was heavy, the tension as thick as my head, both hard to cut through. He could hear the ice cracking beneath his feet, ready to swallow him whole. Did they know my secret? “Now Mr. Bane,” the judge said, “As you well know, a condition of your plea deal is to give an account of what transpired on the day in question.” “Your honor,” I looked around loosening my tie hoping that may ease my struggle to find the right words. “Mr. Bane, you need to take responsibility for your actions.” “Your honor, I stand before you today to apologize for what I’ve done to the family and friends of Ms. Sandra Day, and to my wife, whom I have hurt in ways that I couldn’t understand until the day that I took the life of Sandra Day. “Details, Mr. Bane, we need the details.” I turned to face my wife. A hurt and broken woman. A deeply disturbed woman, but the woman that I loved. How do I stand before these people and tell them that I didn’t know Sandra, that I didn’t kill her, that the last person to see Sandra alive was my wife. I had no choice but to betray my wife “once more.” “Sir if you can’t abide by the terms of your plea deal, I’ll be forced to charge you to the fullest extent of the law for the crimes you have committed.” I took a deep breath. Please forgive me for what I’m about to do, I thought to myself. “A party, just a party for fun, family and friends.” My eyes never left Laila, I spoke to her and only her to make her understand. “Sandra was a guest invited by my wife, Laila. She introduced me to Sandra. We exchanged pleasantries and then went our separate ways. She was nothing special to me, nothing about her stood out, she was nothing memorable. But Laila, my Laila, she saw something different, something no one else saw. Midway through the party she let me know that Sandra was calling it a night and that she volunteered to drive her home. We hugged, kissed, and said “be back soon”. We were always so in sync. She snuck my keys out of my pocket and left out the door. I never saw Sandra leave.” I shook my head. “When she returned, she was a mess, I didn’t recognize her. The woman standing before me was drenched from head to toe in blood. The woman that stood before me wasn’t my wife. Everyone in the room could hear the wet squishing with every step she took.” “They all stared in astonishment, and she went to take a seat I warily followed suit. I couldn’t find the words to ask the questions that needed to be asked, no one could. I just examined her to find out if the blood coming from her in any way. When she finally spoke, the words hurt more than bones breaking. “20 years,” she said, “10 years I spent being your friend, 10 more I spent being your wife.” “Through all of our ups and downs and hardships I stood strongly by your side never showing my weakness, hurt or fear.” She sniffled and said, “But now I will, I’ll let the tears flow down to cleanse the sin from my face,” she cried, her hands holding both of my cheeks. I held my hands on top of hers and let my forehead fall on hers. She cried some more and said, “You hurt me so bad,” she took a deep breath in and groaned. She broke our embrace and when she did, she tried to wipe the blood from her skin and clothes. When I tried to help her, she pushed me away and wiped the blood on me. “I wore the sin, burden and shame on me, now you do the same.” I grasped her hands in mine tightly and I asked her “What are you saying? I don’t understand. Please talk to me, I pleaded with her.” She clutched at her stomach tightly and closed her eyes. “When I lost our baby, I could tell that it destroyed you more than it destroyed me. But instead of you trying for another baby you betrayed me farther and destroyed me more.” At this point I was trembling, shaking and crying. It was a first for me. “Tell me, tell me what you did,” I said to her. She pressed her hands to her stomach again and said, “Because you stole my baby and gave it to her, I cut the baby from her and gave it back to the Earth.” She then pressed a folded-up piece of paper in my hands. Carefully I unraveled it and inside was the face of Sandra.” I turned and pointed at the judge with tears in my eyes, “I told her, I told her I never…. I would never cheat on her, but she insisted that I did.” “It was my baby, Laila said. I could tell I just knew. I recognized it instantly. It was my baby.” “Your honor I may not know the full extent of how Sandra and her baby suffered but I do know that it’s my fault for not fully comprehending how devastated my wife truly was by our loss.” “Our loss? Laila asked, how could it be our loss? I’m the only one who carried that life inside of me and felt the kicks of life and joy. I’m the only one who felt that life slip from me, you didn’t. Only I felt it, it was my loss.” “Judge, in all your wisdom you must understand why I made the decision to confess to something I did not do. My wife she is not a well woman she is not in her right mind, and you can’t punish her for that.” I pounded my fist on the table, the sound echoed through the entire courtroom. “Please I am begging you allow my wife to walk free, take me in her place. I’ll take the punishment I just want her to get the help she needs. She won’t get it in a cell.” “Mr. Bane while I sympathize with you and your wife the law needs to and will be upheld in this courtroom. This time I took both fists and banged them on the table not being able to bear the sight of Laila being taken away. “Sir we will take your wife’s mental health into consideration.”