Finding Yourself

“Hello Mr Maseko!” The new security guard said with a bright smile, Mr Maseko offered a distracted wave as he spoke on his mobile device. He entered into his car and drove off, heading home. The following day, the situation was similar, the new security guard offered greeting, but with a pause ,making way for conversation. “How are you Mr Maseko?” He asked as he made his way towards him. Mr Maseko slowed his pace as he offered a glance at the security guard, only now noticing how old he actually was. Probably three years older than his mother. “Hello Baba…” He left the sentence hanging loosely, the bright glint in the old man’s eyes dimmed slightly but they quickly lit up again. “Mr Mabaso. Yes, eh, you always seem to stay here until late, Mr Maseko. And if you don’t mind me asking, why sir?” He said with furrowed brows, Mr Maseko chuckled at the question as if it were rhetorical. “I’m the CEO, I have to stay here later ,because I have more work to do. And if I go home, no work will get done. My kids, yah neh, they are very loud and energetic and love shouting at each other and their mother at them. So I prefer leaving the office later knowing I’ve lessened my workload.” He says as he begins to unlock his car door. “Eish yah neh. So you are the boss of this business?” Mr Mabaso asked with a sense of pride in his tone, and Mr Maseko nodded hesitantly, “Kind of Mr Mabaso.” He says and Mr Mabaso nodded before saying with a sigh as if he wasn’t ready for their departure, “Well let me not keep you from your family, I’m sure your wife is waiting for you.” He said and Mr Maseko nodded. “Yes she is actually, at this rate I’ll be a few minutes late for Generations, she loves watching it with me.” He says as he begins entering throwing his briefcase somewhere in the backseat. “Okay Mr Maseko, I’ll see you tomorrow!” “Yes I’ll see you tomorrow. And please call me Sifiso. Bye now.” He says as he begins to reverse out of the parking area and on his way home.

The next few weeks Mr Mabaso and Sifiso had their daily talk every time he was about to knock off. They had developed somewhat of a friendship over the few weeks due to Mr Mabaso’s talkative nature and friendly persona. Mr Mabaso enjoyed the short conversations they always had and always felt a little blue every time he had to depart, but he felt more grateful speaking to him ,and the promise of talking to him tomorrow made the act all the more enjoyable. 

“Yes, no I haven’t set up the meeting with Coke. I forgot to call Cindy to do it, don’t worry I’ll talk to her right now. Okay, thanks. Bye.” Sifiso had just knocked off, and was walking to his car in the empty parking lot. He looked around and noticed something eerie. Where was Mr Mabaso? He thought to himself. Maybe the old man had knocked off early this time, chuckling to himself, he couldn’t imagine the man ever taking a rest day even if it were presented to him on a silver platter. He reminded him more of himself honestly. 

“Hey you! Hey! Get down! Now! I said now man!” The scruffy voice shouted from behind him and Sifiso had no time to turn and see who the culprit was, instinctively he went to his knees. “SEARCH HIM!” The first one shouted. Sifiso couldn’t believe it, he was getting ROBBED! The men, about three, cornered him with guns staring at him as they patted him down. They found his car keys as quickly as they found his wallet. His heart rate was accelerating by the minute, he only prayed to his ancestors to see him through this. But when the robbers were about to do more damage, trigger a finger away from being pushed, a gunshot was sounded which scared the robbers off. It so happened that they had dropped all the items they had tried to steal.

“Are you okay Sifiso? Did they hurt you? Did they take anything?” Mr Mabaso asked quickly as he ran towards him with concern laced in his tone. “No I am okay Mr Mabaso. Thank you, you came just in the nick of time.” He says with a relieved sigh grabbing his keys and wallet from the floor. 

“Thank you for saving my life there.” “It’s okay my boy, anything for you.” He says and smiled , something familiar about the smile, but Sifiso couldn’t put his finger on it. He said his goodbyes and left.

“Ah Mr Mabaso, how would you have done it?” Sifiso asked with a humored smile. “You see me my boy, I have a very sweet tongue. I know my way around words, and to get women you need a sweet tongue. Women listen with their hearts not brains, that’s the beauty of it!” He laughs through his belly as Sifiso smiles in amusement. “So does your wife know she has a player on her hands?” He asked. “Yes, she knew. But to some extent she loved that about me. She hates how easily I could turn her mellow, but she loved saying how I always brought out the gentler side of her.” Sifiso remained silent for a moment, noticing the change in tense. “I am sorry for your loss, Mr Mabaso.” He tried to console, but the old man simply smiled with genuine happiness. “what loss my dear boy? I had been give a chance to share time and space with a woman specially designed for me. Not many get that opportunity. I have been highly blessed and divinely favored. My wife was a very special woman to me and before she died she begged me to make amends with my past. That was her dying wish, and I hope I’m able to fulfil it.” He says lowly, the mood dimming slightly. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. If it is any consolation, sometimes the past deserves to stay there. I never knew my father and I turned out pretty great, I didn’t need to make amends with my past to better myself.” Sifiso says and this deepens the lines on Mr Mabaso’s forehead. “Really? Did you ever wonder about him? If he ever wanted you?”

“Yes and no. I don’t know how to feel about it, but I think my mother did a pretty great job. I turned out half decent, minusing the nonsense I put her through.” He chuckled before continuing in thought, “But I’m glad that’s one person who never gave up on me. Or, I don’t know where I’d be.” He thinks wistfully. “Well, from a man’s perspective, I commend your mother. You are the son I never had, any man would be honored to be your father. And even more moronic to not want you as their own. I’m sorry you had to go through that my boy. But certain things happen for a reason, it may not make sense, but in the end it will. Your mother is a very strong woman for filling the shoes of a cowardly man.” He says with a sense of pride. Sifiso nods in agreement. “Well, I have to go home to my wife and kids. This was a very nice talk, thanks for listening to me and talking to me.” Sifiso said and Mr Mabaso nodded. He started to walk off whistling this tune that had been engraved into Sifiso’s memory. He always whistled the same tune ever since he started working at this job about a month ago. “Can I ask, where did you learn that tune? I find myself whistling it sometimes, it’s strange, because I have this weird vague remembrance of it.” Mr Mabaso smiled before saying “My mother taught it to me. Goodbye Sifiso, enjoy your evening.” He said before he walked off, whistling the same tune.

During the weekend, Sifiso decided to go visit his mother with his children. The conversation he had with Mr Mabaso had stricken curiosity on the topic that is his father. “Hi ma, how are you?” He asked and the mother smiled at her son with pride and glee before taking a seat beside him. “Mama I know I never ask about him, but, who is my father?” He asked with confusion and reluctance. She sighs a heavy sigh. “I knew this day would come, hoped it wouldn’t, but deep down I knew it would. Well, your father is Refiloe Mabaso. I met him when we were just high schoolers, him in a higher grade than me. I was in grade ten and him in grade 12. He was a little older than his peers. He was very funny, very sweet and caring and was very slick with his words. The one thing I loved most about your father was his smile, his easy going personality. His ambition, and his drive. And sometimes I think his ambition kept him away from you, but I know that is not the case. He was scared, very scared. He had big dreams and he couldn’t handle responsibility. Never really could. But he loved you, he loved you before you were born and he loves you till this day, he gave you that name you know? Sifiso. He said if it is a boy, name him Sifiso, which you of course now means gift in our culture, and if it’s a girl name her Lerato, which means love, to remind me of the love that we both so strongly shared and cherished. To forever remind me of the love I had for him that lived in my heart once. I guess he knew what hate would develop in my heart, before he left. He was very good at reading people.” Sifiso didn’t know how to feel, he was feeling so much he wasn’t sure which to feel first. Anger, hurt, betrayal, hate, love, wonder.

“And he always did this thing, and so did his mother, your grandmother, they’d always whistled this tune. Every time, everyday they whistled this tune. His mother taught it to him and him to me. It goes something like this.” She began whistling the oddly familiar tune. And out of nowhere he found himself whistling along with his mother. Shocked his mother stopped and watched and he finished the tune til the end. “How did you know that tune? I have never taught you it. And only your father and his mother knew of that tune, it was like their little thing. One secret they both shared. Where did you hear it from, because I haven’t whistled it in years.” She asked and only now where the dots connecting.

The similar surname, the last conversation they had, the constant need to talk to him, the similar traits he possessed that his said father possessed as well. Could it be? “I—I think my father taught me the tune, indirectly though. There was this new security guard who started working for the company not long ago, Mr Mabaso. He always whilsted the same tune over and over and over everyday. He said his mother taught it to him. I—I think he’s my father.” His mother was at a loss for words. She couldn’t believe her ears, Refiloe was still alive? She wanted more than anything to see him. So she proposed to come with his son to work the following week.

“Yes, where can I find Mr Mabaso?” Sifiso asked one of the security guards on duty. “Oh, he no longer works here, passed away during the weekend. Sad tale I tell you, passed away in his sleep. Apparently he had lung cancer. But, he made me promise to give you this letter, I think the old man knew his fate. Anyway, here you go boss, I’ll be petrolong the parking lot if you need me.” The security guard, Mr Anders said before walking off. Sifiso looked to his mother who stared at the letter eagerly. “You ready?” He asked her ,but she kept silent, waiting for him to open it.

It read

Dear Sifiso

If you are reading this, then I have been found deceased. I’m sorry I was too cowardly to tell you who I really was. After the conversation we had about your father, I assumed you didn’t bother to know who I was or what I did, and it is understandable. I too am ashamed of the pain I have caused you and your mother. I regret the day I left you, but I don’t regret the day I made you. You were that one good in all my bads. But my bad habits consequences have caught up with me, I am dying. It’s lung cancer. I promised Tshidi, my late wife, I’d make things right with you. And even though to you I didn’t, getting to know you in the little time i had was enough good for me. You have turned out way better than I imagined and I have no one else to thank other than your mother. Tell her that she still lives in my heart, and I am sorry for deserting her when she needed me most. She will forever be the woman that owned my heart, I was just too terrified to let her know that. I will not let my cowardlyness be my excuse, but I did really try to find you. And I thank god I did. Thank you, for giving me a chance, even if it was short, I will treasure every waking moment of the conversations we had and the laughs we shared.

I love you Sifiso.

Yours truly

Refiloe Mabaso