In An Instant

When Sidra wakes she appears to be in a very dark and dank room surrounded by what or who she does not know. She can hear very soft, very muffled noises that sound vaguely to her like whispers but no matter how hard she tries she cannot hear the noises any better nor can she see well enough to distinguish anything about her surroundings. To make matters somewhat worse she doesn't know how long she has been here nor does she remember how she got here either. She is completely disoriented by the darkness. So she does all she can manage and lays on the cold stone floor waiting to see what will happen next. To see who comes into the room and for what will happen when they come.  

As she lays on the floor she tries to remember what happened to her, how she had ended up here but nothing really comes to her that could be of any help. She does however remember that she had been out with friends but she doesn’t remember the night ending or even making her way home. “Had something happened to her on the way home?” She thinks even more confused and lost. Eventually unable to figure out what had happened and exhausted from the effort of trying to figure it out and from being so utterly cold she falls asleep.  

At first there is just blackness as she sleeps but then she begins to dream. Her dreams are more than a little scary and extremely concerning. In her dreams various hooded figures approach her as she is laying on the cold stone floor. Each figure, draped in black from head to toe, has a purpose and their purpose is meant to inflict pain, both physically and mentally.  

In her dreams the figures take pleasure in the physical pain they cause and revel in the cacophony of screams that escape her throat with each figure’s assault. With each cut, scrap or punch she is dealt she can swear she feels it in her waking world. The dreams are so real she is certain that she will bear the scars from the assaults when she wakes. Finally they stop their assault and leave her to suffer alone in the cold dark room.  

Again she wakes, after how long she has no idea but she is still surrounded by the darkness of the room around her. This time though she can detect something more than just the darkness. The room has taken on a smell that had not been there before. She can’t quite place the smell at the moment but it is vaguely familiar all the same. She realizes then that she is sore and she feels the sting of open wounds on her body as the cold air brushes over her exposed flesh. Then she recognizes the smell as well. It is the mixture of blood and sweat with an underlying salty smell. She doesn’t want to think about what the salty smell means, she can’t not right now, not trapped in this room with no hope for freedom. The idea that what had happened to her had not been a dream but a reality was more than she could handle at the moment. “Those figures had been real. They had actually done those things to her. They had hurt her but she didn’t remember any of them raping her.” She thinks as she takes inventory of her injuries as best she can in the dark; mostly and unfortunately by touch. God only knew what was on the floor around her but she had to check herself everywhere. Arms, legs, stomach, breasts, back, butt; everything had some kind of injury. They ranged from bruises to cuts but she didn’t feel any soreness in her genital area so she didn’t think they raped her. Happy with that at least she cried both with happiness and sadness. Happiness because they hadn’t hurt her in that way and sadness because of her current situation and that they had still hurt her in other ways. She cried because she feared she would never escape her current situation, at least not alive. When she had cried herself out she fell asleep and this time if she dreamt she didn't remember it or she didn’t dream at all.

The next time she opens her eyes she is in a field with emerald green grass, trees, a sky clear blue with a scattering of wispy clouds and a light refreshing breeze. She rises to her elbows to look around at the beauty and sees a group of deer across the field munching on the grass. As much as she doesn’t want to move, for fear of scaring them off, her back and neck begin to ache before long and she has to move. When she does move, the deer take no notice of her and just keep on eating as if she were not there in the first place. Standing now she is mesmerized by the deer as well as the scene before her. She remembers as a child having a field much like this one behind her house. Smiling at the memory she recalls the hours she spent running and playing in the field as often as she could no matter the season or weather outside.  

“I have to be dreaming.’ She tells herself but deep inside she really hopes she is not. The serenity of the field and its surroundings give her a peace she hasn’t felt since she was a child in the field behind her house. So she accepts that she is dreaming and walks around the field and eventually into the trees on the other side. As she walks she realizes that she is barefoot when she feels the grass between her toes. “Just like when I was a child.” She says as she looks down and watches the blades of grass caress her feet and toes with each step she takes.  

When she steps through the trees she comes out back into the field instead of the forest like she had at home as a child. She is definitely in a dream and she hopes she never wakes up. She wants to stay here and never leave because this dream is far better than what her reality truly is. She wants to open her eyes and see this place every single time instead of the cruelty she faces in her waking world.  

As fate would have it though she begins to get sleepy again as she looks around at the beauty of this place and before she is even close to being ready to leave she falls asleep and into the blackness once again.  

As with before when she opens her eyes she is greeted by darkness and the coldness of the stone floor beneath her. She knew she had been dreaming all along but that didn’t help make any of this any better. She had needed, craved more time in her happy place, more time in the sun and warmth surrounded by all of its beauty and serenity. Disheartened, she rolls over and tries to go back to sleep so she can dream of her happy place again. However, even before her eyes are completely closed she knows that will not be the case if she dreams at all she will dream of the horrors she had before. Maybe she will even stay conscious, not in her dream state and face the horrors she had hoped were just a dream. Either way she would not be in her happy place for some time yet.  

Her days continue in much the same way as they had in the beginning. Truthfully she is unable to tell the difference between her dreams and the real world any longer. She is so lost in the darkness and pain that she no longer even attempts to differentiate between the two. Every day the figures come to torment and take from her and each night when they finally leave she just lays in the silence and darkness and waits for the next day to come, for the next knife blade on her flesh, for the next fist on her body. She no longer makes a sound when they come to her, her throat is too raw from her screaming and with no real rest between visits it can not heal.  

So here she sits perhaps two months after she first awoke alone in the dark, she’s not really sure how long it’s been since she can not see the rising or setting of the sun and can only judge the passage of time by her tormentors' visits. They have just left her bleeding and broken on the cold stone floor. When unconsciousness claims her she welcomes the oblivion, the escape from her current reality.  

At first she just floats through the darkness enjoying the light pain free feeling of her body floating. It doesn’t last long though and when she opens her eyes her heart leaps with joy, she is finally in her happy place again. She weeps with happiness as she sees the trees, grass and deer before her. She weeps for the fact that she has missed this place as much as she weeps with the happiness of just being away from the dark and pain. She had so needed to be here to help her make it through. She stays for a long time, how long she does not know nor does she really care to know. She is safe, this place is safe and she will gladly stay forever.  

Some time later as she sits in the grass she hears her name being called on the wind. At first she thinks that she is mistaken, just hearing things, but when she keeps hearing it she turns to where it appears to be coming from. That’s when she realizes that it is coming from all around her. She can’t pinpoint the direction the voice is calling from but there is something about the voice that is familiar. The closer she listens she hears it say, “Sidra my love come back to me.”, then she hears sobbing. Sobbing and someone calling her name over and over again. She feels the pull to go towards the sounds and she begins to walk towards what direction she thinks they are coming from. Before she can make it to the trees though darkness descends upon her again and she is no longer in her happy place. She is back in her new hell, back to the pain and suffering.

When she wakes this time though it doesn’t seem to be near as dark and the noises she thought had been whispering sound more like whirring sounds from machines. She still can’t really see enough to tell anything about her surroundings but she can see the parade of dark cloaked figures approaching her. Again there is pain. Again there is degradation. Again she tries to scream through her raw and bloody throat until they finally stop and leave her be for the moment.  

Later after each figure files out of the room Sidra tells herself that she has to find a way out of this room and to freedom before she gives up completely and dies. The pain in the voice that had called her name and the person who had been sobbing have given her a little more fight, more of a will to live than she had before she had heard it. It is going to be hard. It is going to be difficult and she knows she may not make it out but she also knows that she has to try. Because if she doesn’t even try then she will definitely die in this god forsaken room at the hands of the evil people that have taken her. With her pending freedom on her mind she falls asleep and sleeps better than she has in what feels like forever.  

This time when she wakes she is not in her happy place but then she isn’t in her cold dark room either. She isn’t really sure where she is actually but as she looks around and sees that everything around her is white she instantly knows that she is in a hospital. She looks to her left and sleeping in one of the chairs is her husband, Jameison. She recognized him and her heart soared. He was with her. He had been here to keep her safe. Yet he looks so tired despite the fact that he is sleeping and she still smiles brightly at him. Smiles at her love for him and his obvious love for her. As she is looking at him, all doe eyed, he wakes up and seeing she is awake he jumps out of the chair and rushes to her bedside. “Oh my love you’re awake. I was so worried.” He says through his tears. He cries with joy as he holds her hand and somehow he is still able to manage calling for a nurse all at the same time.  

Moments later a nurse rushes into the room and sighs in relief when she sees that Sidra is finally awake. The nurse approaches Sidra’s bed and gently takes her wrist to check her pulse and her other vitals. As she counted the heart beats the nurse said, “You gave us quite the scare Sidra but we are so very glad you are back.” Sidra was confused. “What happened?” She asked her husband and the nurse. “Wasn’t I just sleeping?” She watched as her husband and the nurse exchanged equally worrying glances across her bed. Jameison, more than a little concerned by her lapse in memory replies, “Don’t you know? Because no one really does know. All we know is that I came home after work a little over two months ago and you were unconscious on the living room floor. It looked like one instant you were fine going about your day, walking around the house then the next instant you were unconscious on the floor. Nothing was disturbed in the house at all. You did have a head wound when they checked you over here but it was blamed on your fall.”  

“I don’t remember being at home. I thought I was out with my friends when the evil people took me.” Sidra says starting to become scared. She doesn’t know if this is real anymore. Starting to freak out she looks at Jameison and says frantically in short bursts, “Are you sure I was at home? I don’t know what you are talking about. I was out for the night. I..I was having a drink with my friends. I was out when they took me. They took me somewhere dark and scary and did things to me.” She completely loses it and begins to hyperventilate. The nurse acts quickly and calls to the nurses station for one of her co-workers to bring a sedative. 

When the sedative is delivered Sidra feels herself become light then she is out and floating in the blissful darkness. The darkness between when she is awake or dreaming is somehow comforting to her now than it had been before. Here she doesn’t have to worry as much about what comes next, what she will wake up to. She just floats. 

She wakes some time later and discovers that she is still in the hospital. She is happy that she is not back in the dark, dank room laying on the cold stone floor as she previously had been but unhappy that she didn’t wake up in her happy place. Her life had been changed in an instant but she doesn’t know what that instance was. What she had thought had happened appears to not be the case. Now that she is awake for real this time she has to find the answer. For her own sanity as much as anything else.  

After spending two more weeks in the hospital Sidra is finally able to go home. Jameison packs her belongings and the flowers she had gotten while in the hospital into their truck and they head home. As they drive Sidra begins to remember some of what had happened. She had gone out with her friends but she had made it home safe and sound. When she had woken the next morning things had been fine. Jameison had gone to work and she had begun her usual morning routine. Whatever had happened it had happened shortly before lunch. She remembers she had decided to have a salad for lunch and had placed the lettuce and fixings out to begin preparing her salad when she was ready to eat. Before she could even get started though she felt a hard blow to the back of her head. After that nothing she remembers had actually happened. None of the pain or the suffering. It had been her brain sending her the wrong messages because of the injury she had suffered. Knowing this she prays that she can heal and move past her trauma. Knowing this she also hopes that she will eventually find out who had struck her but only time would tell though. What can be lost in an instance can be found the same way after all. An instance is all you need.