Truth Of The Fight

Maybe I should just sit that one out… There is no need to do this every single week, is there? I’ve been at it since, what, April? Everyone needs to take a break, to step back, breathe and reflect.

But it was going so well! Don't you worry that taking a breather will ultimately lead to quitting?

Not really. I worry more about not taking breaks leading to quitting, although it seems to be my pattern, doesn't it? I get passionate about things, then I experience a beginner's high, then I realize things actually require showing up, working like a mule and... oh yeah, drudgery! Drudgery is something I'm just not willing to go through.

But you still make art...

Yeah, I do it for fun but it's just another hobby, I guess. It's not going anywhere.

Where is it supposed to go? You’re not even a writer either! You just got into it to occupy your brain with anything other than worrying about the GOP and the whole pandemic mess… And the prompts are pretty helpful in getting your brain on the right track.

Yes. I also started writing more because I've been feeling overwhelmed with the lack of storage and the invasive nature of art making. It's ironic how we, the artists, admire coral reefs and nature but when it comes to dumping toxic paint water down our drains we don't even hesitate! At least with writing, I can just store my creation on a hard drive...

...built from minerals mined by the poor children from Democratic Republic of the Congo?

Exactly! Guilt free life is impossible at this point, huh?

So why do you write for a contest? Everyone knows how much you hate those.

Well, this one is pretty benign as far as contests go. The winner gets fifty bucks and five minutes of fame and there is no entry fee, plus I got my friend into writing. That counts for something!

But doesn't it make you a little self conscious though?

I guess... The format of a competition involves having to distort the way we express ourselves. If that happens, even a little bit, then what we create is not quite genuine.

Isn't everything we do a kind of show off though? Who would want to see an opera with the performers wearing sweat pants? That would rarely go over well unless sweat pants are part of the well thought out concept. Don't you think creating art puts you in a position of being tested in a way? After all we are our own most harsh critics!

Yes, I do think so but it doesn't change the fact that competing in an official contest makes me feel extra phony. That self consciousness is also one of the reasons why I don't read the winners!

You don’t read the winners? How can you get better at writing if you don’t read the winners!

You just said it doesn’t have to go anywhere so I don’t need to get better at writing if I do it for pleasure, right?

Sure but there is the sheer pleasure of getting better at a craft. It improves your own self worth. Plus if you don't read them out of worry about your "pristine style", it means that you do care about your form after all! You are affected by it, no matter what you do!

You got me there but the thing is, I don't often feel the pleasure of improvement. Instead I'm just getting frustrated with the lack of progress and my own mediocrity. When people say they're going to write or paint when they retire, I feel sorry for them. Good luck with the torment!

OK but you must get exposed to good writing if only to get inspired to do your own?

And I do, except for the fact that Virginia Woolf is not competing with me in the same contest which makes for much less stressful reading experience. I'm just aware of being way out of their league and it makes reading great writers that much more pleasurable.

You are overthinking it...

Well, it's just the way thoughts are being thought in my head.

You must be at least a little curious as to what the winning story was about.

I am extremely curious but I still can't bring myself to read them because I worry that I wouldn't be able to avoid writing the way they do only because “this is the kind of writing that appeals to the jurors' preference”.


How should you write then, for a contest or otherwise and what if there isn't just one style the jurors are picking? Aren't you concerned that now you will write like a self conscious person? How can you know without reading them? You’re turning yourself into quite a bigot, I’m sorry to say...

Well, that’s the thing… When I write, I have to ask myself whether I can afford writing directly from my heart with plain and simple language I enjoy or choose to wade in the warm honey of lofty metaphors crystallizing into chunky morsels of skillful innuendos like freshly polished diamonds woven into an ornate fabric of subtle and flavorful expressions, precise as a hawk's sure grip on its elusive prey, yet gracious as the cherry blossom petals in May?

Wow! Not bad! Why can't you write like that!

I don't know... I just don't feel it. Trying too hard will make me write "beautifully" that’s for sure, but that’s the problem. Beautiful writing style is just a form but it lacks content. It's like tentacles without the octopus...

Nice metaphor! So why not try harder?

When I try too hard, I aim to emulate the best version of myself but that will never be me. It’s like a dating app profile persona created only to impress random strangers for five seconds neglecting to inform them that my true self is an egotistic slob! Trying to impress people generates excess.

What do you mean by that?

Do you watch martial arts movies?

I watch some art movies but I'm afraid none of them are martial...

In martial art movies the fighters are doing their best to impress by unloading all the kung-fu moves they've ever learned in their entire lives while in real situations one simple punch might be just enough to defeat their opponent. That's because their performance is carefully choreographed to please the viewers while it has little to do with the truth of the fight.

OK, so throw your own punches! Just you! Without the audience! Write just for yourself! I dare you!

…

Well?

I don’t know if I can. It seems like at the moment this contest is my only motivation to write. But this week I feel tapped out and I feel like I need a break.

There is no crime in taking a break but if I were you, I would at least try to write something from the heart. Something you would write as if nobody was going to read it.

As in 'dance as if nobody’s watching'?

I'd say 'write as if everybody was illiterate'.

Ha ha! I like that, but I don’t know… I will have to think about it.

You’ve got a whole week to make up your mind but I must tell you this: having done something is always better than regretting not having done anything at all.