When You Wake

“What will I say to him when he wakes up?”

“Tell him you love him.”

“He won’t believe that. He probably hates me.”

“Madison, Auggie can never hate you. He is still your baby brother, and he loves you.” 

“Look at him. I feel so helpless. I let this happen. He will never look at me the same way again.” 

“Okay, stop that. You didn’t do this to him — your ex did. You did everything you could to bring him home.” 

“But I didn’t bring him home, did I? He did that all on his own— and he called you to come get him. He doesn’t trust me, Alex. I ruined everything.”

“I’m going to remind you again. Your lying, deceitful ex is the one who put you both in this situation. 

Auggie called me because he didn’t know what he’d be walking into at home. He didn’t know if your ex was still at the house or if you knew the truth of what had happened. He was being smart.” 

“…You’re right. He was smart. I’m sorry.”

“No, I get it. But don’t be so hard on yourself, Auggie knows you. He will understand.” 

“You think? How do I explain to a nine-year-old, that his sister saved him from foster care, only to fall in love with a monster who… sold him? I…  I can’t explain that.”

“Maddy…”

“No, wait--let me say this. I let this person into our lives, Alex. I believed I’d finally found the one. I believed I could give Auggie the family he deserved. All the while, I was being set up and betrayed."

"When Auggie went missing, my ex was so supportive, and I was grateful. Can you believe that? Grateful. For every kind word, every touch, every moment he distracted me from fear—”

“Oh, Maddy.”

“I am a monster too, Alex. How did I not see It? How could I not see—”

“Come here. Shh... Let go of all of that for now. Auggie is going to need you, and you can’t be good to or for him if you’re tearing yourself apart. Cry it out now. Blow your nose — uh, ew, not on my shirt!”

“Look at me; I’m being serious. None of this will matter to Auggie right now. All he’ll want to know is that his big sister is here for him. Now, go wash your face so you look less… unhinged.”

“This is why you are my best friend. You always know exactly what to say. Thank you, and you’ll stay, right?”

“I will be right here. Go on.”

“Did something happen? Is Auggie okay? I only left for a second.”

“Maddy, take a breath.”

“Your bother is just fine, Ms. Berner. I am just making rounds and taking vitals. I’m so sorry to scare you.”

“No, I’m sorry for jumping to the worst conclusion. You are a nurse in a hospital… doing what nurses do.”

“Ms. Berner, if I may. The way you are feeling is normal. Everyone handles the stress of seeing a loved one in a hospital bed differently. It’s okay to feel helpless. That’s why we’re here. We’re doing all we can to make your brother well and keep him comfortable.” 

“Thank you, Nurse…”

“Jackie. Just Jackie is fine.”

“Thank you, Jackie. I appreciate that. You have very warm hands.”

“Comes with a warm heart.”

“Do you want me to turn the temperature up? There’s a control right there.”

“I think we are fine for now, but thank you.”

“One more thing. I know it seems like your bother is in a deep sleep, but talk to him. It helps him know that someone’s here. He’s been through a lot — let him hear familiar voices.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes, thank you, Nurse.” 

“Good. If you need anything, just push that call button.” 

“She’s nice. Do what she says, Maddy. Don’t wait for Auggie to wake up to talk to him. In the meantime, I’ll go score us some coffee and food — it’s lunchtime.” 

“Thanks, Alex. And… that doctor you spied on earlier probably won’t be waiting outside… just so you know.”

“Oh, you’re smiling. That’s good. I’ll be back…maybe.”

“Hey Auggie… I don’t know if you can hear me, but… I just want you to know I’m here. And… I’m sorry. I’m so damned s-sorry, Auggie. I promise I didn’t know. I didn’t know until the police showed up to take him away. I would have never p-put you in danger, Auggie…never. I hope you believe me.” 

“A-and when you wake up… I’ll tell you again. I’ll tell you until you believe me. I love you, kiddo. I love you so, so much.”

“So, the nurse said I should keep talking… I’ll bet you had enough of me crying, huh?  I will try to stop, okay?”

“I missed you. Worse than the time I thought you ran away, but you were helping Mr. Warren plant tomatoes in his garden. Remember that? You were only gone for two hours, but I felt… I felt like it was days. This time… you were gone for months.  I thought… well, never mind. You’re here. That’s all that matters.

“I think so much about the time before I knew you existed. I wish I knew you as a baby. I wish I could have saved you from Mom and foster care sooner. I don’t want any more time to be taken from us, Auggie. No one, and nothing’s going to come between us again. I promise.”

“I’m listening to the machines that you’re hooked up to, and at first, I was so scared. Now, I’m used to them, I guess. I’m watching you breathe. Your chest is moving up and down… your lips are in a pout, just like when you refuse to eat my famous oatmeal. I can’t wait for us to be arguing over oatmeal versus Oreos and milk for breakfast.  After everything…I’d let you win.”

“I left your room just as you left it. I don’t know if you’ll still want your boats or books… but they’re waiting for you. Uncle Alex is here. He has been keeping us company. He can’t wait to talk to his buddy.

“Mr. Blankie’s here too. He smells more like me now. I hope you don’t mind. He helped me when I couldn’t breathe from thinking about you. You said he calms you when you have too many thoughts, so I hope he still works. I want you to know you’re safe. You can wake up whenever you are ready. 

“…I’m here, and I love you.”

“One black coffee for you and a chai latte for me.”

“Right on time. I take it you didn’t find the good doctor?”

“Le sigh! Regrettably, after much surveilling, I came up empty.” 

“Oh my God, Maddy, look!”

“What?  What am I looking… oh. Oh! Auggie — Alex, get somebody!”

“Maddy…?”

“Yes, I’m here, Auggie. Oh, don’t cry, sweetheart, I’m here. I’m never leaving you again. I’m here…I love you, Auggie. I love you.”

“You know, if you keep staring at him like that, he’s going to wake up again just to tell you to quit being weird.”

“I’m allowed to be weird. He’s back with us.”

“Yeah, he is.” 

“Maddy?”

“Auggie? Hey, I’m right here, it’s okay.”

“Maddy?”

“Yeah, kiddo. I’m here.”

“Is…is he gone?”

“He…he’s gone. You’re safe now, Auggie. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I… I thought you weren’t coming…I thought…”

“No. No, Auggie! I was looking for you the whole time. I never stopped. I never gave up. I swear.”

“I was so scared, Maddy.”

“I know, baby…I know. But you’re safe now. I’m never letting anyone take you away from me again.”

“Hey, bud. You gave us quite the scare, but you are tougher than all of us.”

“Hey… Uncle Alex…did you…bring snacks?”

“You think I’d show up here empty-handed? I’ve got cookies, rice crispy treats, and even those weird sour gummies you like.”

“Seriously? Snacks? That’s what you two are thinking about right now?”

“But I’m hungry, Maddy.”

“And Uncle Alex is always prepared. Welcome back, kid. Dig in”