Sacrifices

The quest for life. That’s what this had been named by the Statistical Intergalactic Exploration Data Association or SIEDA. 

I’d spent years in this spaceship. I floated between zero gravity and artificial gravity. I floated between hope and despair. 

I could not stop. 

I walked along the halls of the ship to the “party room” as the crewmembers had started to call it. I grabbed a “smoothie” from the “fridge” and started slurping. It tasted awful but I was used to that. 

I hated everything about this place. I hated the people despite them doing nothing wrong. I hated the food. I hated the creaks of the metal while you were sleeping. I hated staring out the window into the void. It had lost its mysterious beauty a long time ago.

The search for life on other planets had been going on for nearly a century and we had found nothing, seen nothing. It was hopeless and I’d known that the moment I stepped on this ship. 

But that wasn’t why I had stepped on this ship. 

I was a healthy thirty five year-old man and my body already felt decrepit. The human body isn’t meant to spend eight years in space. But I endured. I had to endure. I couldn’t back down. I couldn’t give up. 

Carl, another one of the astronauts, walked in. 

“Hey John,” he said to me.  

“Hi,” I muttered. Carl was a good person and the only one on this ship who was kind to me but I couldn’t like him. Not when he had worked for SIEDA and came on this ship because he wanted to. Because he could afford it. 

The United States of America had progressed a lot since it was first founded. We had created technology that no one else could dream up. We’ve had scientists, philosophers, artists and craftsmen that no one could ever live up to again and yet we still had poverty. We still had sickness, diseases, and people living on the streets. We still had hunger. 

I knew hunger. I knew it well. 

I quickly left the room and headed to the control room. No one was there thankfully. I stared out the window into space and wished that I’d had some way to contact my wife. 

In one year we would be back on Earth empty handed and I would have to try to piece together my life again. I would have to work hard to make things right with my family. To be there for my daughter as a true father. 

I had already failed her too many times. 

~ ~ Nine Years Ago ~ ~ 

Johanna was pregnant and I couldn’t be more happy. I was going to be a father. I was going to have a child. We started planning our wedding because we wanted to be married before the baby was born. 

Eight months later she was born. A beautiful baby girl and we named her Aria. She was beautiful with sparkling blue eyes and soft peach-fuzz blonde hair. I loved her more than I thought was possible. 

I held her in my arms right up until the day I lost my job. 

I had worked for a company that produced airplanes. But then it had been completely taken over by SIEDA and they had laid off nearly half the original workers. I had ended up storming into a meeting they were having and getting into a huge fight with them, yelling and saying they couldn’t do this. They retaliated by firing me instead and leaving a horrible review for anyone else who might try to hire me. 

Because SIEDA was so important and feared no one dared to hire me and I spent four months living on nothing but the savings that me and my wife had. 

Then Aria had gotten sick and I despaired. She’d been born a very small baby and sickly pale. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong. She had to live in the hospital and I struggled to pay the medical expenses. 

I’d lost all hope for my family until I saw the flier outside the grocery store offering monthly installments of $10,500 for anyone who wanted to take part in a nine year journey through space to search for alien life. 

I was desperate and foolish and I took the job. 

It had been eight years since that day and I had missed my baby’s entire childhood so that I could provide for her. I had missed her first words, the first time she walked, the first time she lost a tooth, her first day of school, all her funny childhood moments. I hadn’t been there. I hadn’t been able to care for my own child and now I was paying the price. 

I hoped she would forgive me for not being there. I hoped she would be willing to start over with me. To let me get to know her and be there for her. 

I stared out into space at the stars praying that she would love me. 

~ ~ One year Later ~ ~ 

Earth was in sight. We were trapped in its orbit and any minute now the team on the ground would give us the green light to land just off the coast of South Carolina. I was strapped into my seat with my full space suit on and adrenaline pumping through my veins. A voice came over the speaker telling us to take manual control and land. 

The ride down was bumpy and I sat completely tensed up as fire raged around our ship. Then we made it through the atmosphere and I saw the ocean rushing towards us. The spaceship slowed as we opened the parachute. And then we crashed into the water. 

We climbed out of the ship and opened our rafts. Helicopters arrived and pulled us out of the water. We headed to shore. We landed at one of the SIEDA bases on the coast. There was a huge crowd of people waiting for us. 

The whole crew was unsteady on their feet as we got used to walking on solid ground yet again. I looked around and took in the whole view. Earth had never seemed more beautiful. 

Then I heard something. 

“Daddy!” 

Instinct told me that I knew this voice, this person. I turned and there she was. My beautiful daughter. She was standing next to Johanna and waving her arms to get my attention. I stumbled towards them, tears stinging my eyes. She ran towards me and wrapped her little arms around me. I picked her up and gave her the biggest hug ever. 

“I missed you, my little girl,” I told her.