#MonstersOnline

Date: September 23 at 11:42pm

Thread: Introduction Night

I didn’t respond to the first post on time, so forgive me for my lateness. Truthfully, I convinced myself that online groups aren’t my thing. A very old friend of mine said it would be wiser to stay quiet about who I am. What I am. And to be painfully honest, I usually don’t spend this much time on the internet.

But allow me to begin this introduction with a little about me. I’m male. European-born. I’ve lived in the same neighbourhood for over three centuries (though never in the same house), I enjoy walks at midnight (obviously), a good bottle of red wine mixed into my O-negative blood bag in the mornings, and my favourite pastime is carpentry.

I see that others in this forum have talked about what they are. I suppose I’d be called a vampire. Well, I’ve certainly been referred to one such creature over the centuries. My teeth are sharper than yours. I do have eyes that glow in the dark. And an appetite for human blood, which is a big one. But I’ve never hunted, or dragged anyone into the shadows to feed. Not like some of you here.

So, why did I join this online group? Because it seems that some have invented a space for “misunderstood monsters.” I don’t know if this is a joke, or therapy, or both. But it’s the first room I’ve entered in a long time where I don’t feel immediately unwelcome. So: hello there, my name is Roman, but I prefer to be called OldNight.

Logging off.

#

Date: September 25 at 1:00am

Thread: Re: Feeding confessions

Some of you have left me questions under my post regarding my feeding routines. Allow me to appease your curiosity and get this part out of the way.

Crowmother2 asks, “How many kills do you have?” and Bloodybill73 wants to know, “How often do you feed?”

To answer Crowmother2’s question, I haven’t killed anyone in over two-hundred-and-fifty years. It’s hard explaining to most humans I meet nowadays that I don’t hunt and kill for food. It’s even harder telling that to another monster out there. So, if I’m being brutally honest in this forum, the only murders I’ve ever committed happened in 1773, in a war, when I was still human.

I was just a boy, really, with a musket in my hand and orders in my ears. When I crossed over into what I am now, I took an oath to never again take another human life for survival. And it’s stuck for the most part.

As for the other question, I feed only in the summer months. I’ve never understood why the hunger starts then and why in winter, autumn and spring it stays satiated. Perhaps it’s the warm, humid air drying out my skin or the long evenings that make restraint feel intolerable.

I hope that satisfies everyone’s questions.

Logging off.

Crowmother2: thank you for your honesty tonight, OldNight.

Bloodybill73: Yeah, you may be the oldest monster in this forum, but you’re a real softy. Feeding only in summer? What do you even do the rest of the year?

Humangirl33: softy? he’s still admitting to kills like it’s a badge of honour just like the rest of you! how do u live with yourself?

Crowmother2: who let a human in here? this is a private group so please leave!

Bloodybill73: Yeah, this isn’t the right space for you, love.

#

Date: September 26 at 11:00pm

Thread: Re: Humangirl33?

You mistake my confession for pride. I don’t find any honour in speaking of killings that happened. Even if they were committed centuries ago. In all defence, I had no choice in becoming what I am. The best practice I could teach myself was to never repeat mistakes of the past.

Most nights, even when I must find willing victims to stop the thirst that boils in my stomach, I don’t take pleasure in it as you may like to think.

You asked me how I live with myself?

Well, it’s not lightly.

If you think we’re all alike, you’re free to keep believing that. But you wouldn’t still be typing here if you didn’t want to understand.

Logging off.

Humangirl33: My mum was fed on one summer and never came home the same. She’s a revenant now. You all write here swapping stories like you’re tragic poets or some shit, but you’re just predators!

Crowmother2: enough of this! i’m blocking you from this thread.

Bloodybill73: Second that. Sorry humangirl33 but this is our space. What do you say, OldNight?

OldNight: If she’s telling the truth, then she’s lived with more consequence than most of us ever admit to. I think we should let her speak.

ADMIN_MisunderstoodMod: Just a gentle reminder everyone: membership rules state that individuals whose family members consist of turned peoples are allowed to comment here. While Humangirl33 isn’t strictly a monster herself, her mother is. That grants her a commenting voice in this group. You may not like what she says, but she has the right to share it with the group.

Crowmother2: fine, whatever, but don’t expect me to agree.

BloodyBill73: Same here. Let her shout into the void as much as she wants.

OldNight: Tell us more about what happened to your mother?

#

Private Message

From: HumanGirl33

To: OldNight

Date: September 27 at 4:00pm

OldNight,

When I saw your comment last night I didn’t think I’d really thought about what I was hoping to find in this forum. I guess I just wanted to understand what happened to my mum. I hate what happened to her, but the way you talk about your guilt or maybe your regret, it doesn’t sound like something my mum feels. She seems to feel nothing about the people she’s killed. It’s like every time she feeds, another piece of who she was leaves her body or something.

I think I just want to know what makes you so different? Why not her?

-Humangirl33

#

Private Message

From: OldNight

To: Humangirl33

Date: September 27 at 11:00pm

Thank you for your private message. I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. I realise how hard it is to be so candid in a space like this, but I want you to know that I understand your anger towards monsters regardless of what shape they’re in.

Before I was turned, I was a soldier. I was seventeen and my mother thought I was misguided by the other boys in my village who thought marching into war would make men out of us. We were even promised a parade when we returned. I just remember that when I returned home I’d learned what it felt like to take a life. I never wanted to learn that again.

It took a long time to teach myself how to feed without crossing the line. But it sounds like your mother doesn’t live with those feelings. I see you wrote that she’s “a revenant.” That’s different from what I am. Revenants feed on anger and revenge. It’s what drives their hunger.

I hope you can give her time to adjust.

Regards,

OldNight

#

Private Message

From: Humangirl33

To: OldNight

Date: September 28 at 6:00pm

OldNight,

“Adjust” really isn’t the word I’d use for it. She’s way beyond “adjusting.” The other night she escaped out of her bedroom and visited the next door neighbours, slashing Mrs. Nichols’ washing line with her nails first, before she tore out the woman’s throat.

I spent the night cleaning the blood. I probably shouldn’t even be telling anyone this, but it’s like every grudge she had has unleashed something.

Do revenants always turn out this way? Or is there a chance of turning her back?

-Humangirl33

#

Private Message

From: OldNight

To: Humangirl33

Date: September 28 at 10:00pm

Humangirl33,

I’m sorry to tell you this, but revenants always turn out this way. Their hunger is tied to resentments, jealously, betrayal, and ordinary human grudges. Turning her back isn’t possible, I’m afraid. At least, I’ve never heard of it.

All you can do now is keep yourself safe, and protect her and others.

I hope this gives you some comfort.

Warm regards,

OldNight

#

Private Message

From: Humangirl33

To: OldNight

Date: September 29 at 12:00pm

OldNight,

I didn’t expect your message to make me feel relieved. The way you write is so encouraging, honest, and thoughtful. I feel like I’ve completely misunderstood what you are. I feel like you’re someone who doesn’t cringe at the truth when he hears it. Like I could tell you anything and you wouldn’t judge me for it.

I need to tell you something I’ve purposely kept out of our conversations. Something I couldn’t admit to anyone else on the main forum:

I was the one who brought my mum back from the dead. I thought I was saving her, but what I ended up doing was making a revenant.

So, I guess, we’ve both been monsters.

P.S.: Just tell me something, though. Have you ever loved someone, like really loved them and still let them die? Or do you only preach about restraint because you’ve never loved anyone in your whole life?

-Humangirl33

#

Private Message

From: OldNight

To: Humangirl33

Date: September 30 at 1:00am

Humangirl33,

When you told me your mother was a revenant, I already knew you were the one who’d brought her back from the dead. It’s never surprising how a revenant is created. It’s always a family member or a lover who is afraid of letting go. I’ve seen this all before. A person can convince themselves that death is a problem to solve and not a human ending to accept. I’ve felt the same, at times.

Your question is a harsh one, but fair. And I’ll answer it here. Yes, I’ve loved someone in my life. Her name was Emma. She was my childhood friend from my village back in the Carpathians. She was ninety-two years old when she told me she would love me “forever.”

That was in 1840. She died of a fever the very next winter. I could’ve sired her, but I didn’t.

I simply couldn’t.

If I were still human, I might have a name for this feeling. Guilt or regret. But I’ve lived with my decisions over the centuries, and no matter how unsettling it can feel, I’ve come to accept this is who I am and what I am.

That’s why I came to the forum. All I can tell you and perhaps you’ll learn the same way.

Warm regards,

OldNight

#

Private Message

From: Humangirl33

To: OldNight

Date: September 30 at 2:00am

OldNight,

Your honestly means a lot to me. In these last few days, I’ve actually felt this weight lifted from my shoulders. Like I’m not carrying this nightmare around with me on my own anymore. This forum actually helps process the bad or “misunderstood” parts of yourself in ways I didn’t think it would.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think we should meet. Is that okay?

I don’t know where you are, but if you’re anywhere near Victoria, I could make the trip to Hanging Rock or Bendigo.

I’m on the train most days between the two. There’s this long, winding walking trail there in between. If you’d be willing, I’d like to show you it.

My first name is Rebecca by the way.

What do you say?