A mother's pain

He knocked on her door, waiting patiently for her to open. He spent 30 minutes yesterday in front of her door. But she wouldnt open. He saw a shadow it had to be her. Her son had been dead for 3 months now. She was all by herself. An elderly woman in her late 60s. Here was a 20 year old man, over 200 pounds she wasnt going to open tthe door for him. He knocked for over na hour today still no answer. This time he decided to leave all the groceries he got for her in front of the porch, vegetables and fruit was not his thing. Why let it go to waste he thought. I hope she enjoys and he went home. He lived on the other side of town so this was a big commute. It took him 3 hours to get here and another 3 hours to get back and that was if buses were running on time. He didnt mind he had heard about this brave woman and what she had been through and he had to help any way he could. He walked down the steps took one look back to see if she would open. the door. His big sack of groceries sat there untouched. He came home and his girlfriend wanted to know where he had been. "You were over at ms. Smith's house weren't you". She inquired. "He didnt want an argument so he told her he was over at the bakery shop filling out an application. Which was partly true he did do that first before she stopped over at ms. Smith's home. "You sure you didnt go over to her place." She wanted to know the truth and had a way of sending when he was lying. "No, you dont listen I told you I didnt go over there. Stop nagging me. I went to the cupcake central bakery and come right back." She saw him getting mad so she decided to drop the subject. She didnt want to agitate him he had finally started getting his life together, she was so proud of him. "I made your favorite steak, and mash potatoes". "Thanks". They sat down and ate dinner together enjoying this time. It wasnt that long he was out in the streets doing god knows what. She worried about him night and day but she was glad it was all over and she had a partner now. They finished dinner and she suggested a movie let's watch "titanic". He knew it was her favorite movie so he said " sure, I will watch it". He hated that movie his interest were more to action and comedy but loved making her happy. He has made so many mistakes and hurt so many people that the loved it was time to make amends and make others happy.

He got up the next morning and told his girlfriend I'm going to burger king I know they are looking for a prep cook. "Sure sweetie". She said trying to be supportive of his new attitude. Looking for work, going to church, buying groceries for others she was proud of what he had become. He took the same bus, same time. Again. To see her. He stopped buy the local supermarket and got her the same thing, bag of carrots, bag of celery, peas,okra, apple juice, orange juice, onions, beets, watercress, watermelon, peaches, mangos, and blueberries. Always the same thing. It was hard getting a dossier on her. She had to find out where she lived which was hard to do. He secretly went to the funeral and found out from family members who she was and what she liked to do. No one knew who he was he didnt exactly announce himself. They would made sure there would have been another funeral if they knew who he was. Keep a low profile. It was a mistake. Didnt even realize what he had done it wanst until he saw the news and looked at the man on the grainy camera that he saw himself. Saw what he had become. A vagrant, unshaven, ripped clothing vagrant. A mess. A complete disgrace. He tried to forget that night. Drinking. Drugs. But he had an epiphany why not take this time to become the man he should have always been. He knocked on her door again saw her rustling behind the kitchen curtains. But he didnt say a word he left her the groceries and a note. With a simple message we need to talk. He was tired of hiding and wanted to let her know who he was. Every day ms. Smith stepped outside to throw out garbage she would come across his gift and think to herself why this person was doing this favor. She was going through a hard time with the death of her son. She didnt go out, she wasnt receiving any visitors. At first, family understood to give her her space but it had been 3 months she needed to move on with her life. They were getting worried about her. How long was it normal to mourn they wondered. She stepped out to throw the trash and picked up her bag of groceries. She appreciated the gesture from this stranger but what could this person want? Why is he doing this for me? She read his note and wondered what was going on she heard him knocking on her door every day but she ignored him. She was leery of letting a stranger into her home. But maybe he knew something about her son and what happened that night.

He got up early and decided to try another time to go over her home. He 0had to lie to his girlfriend again about his whereabouts when he first told her what he was going to do she felt it was a bad idea. "Dont do that to that women, she might kill you. I dont think she will ever forgive you". He didnt say much he understood where she was coming from but he wanted to atone for what he had done. He knocked on her door again with groceries this time he wasnt expecting her to answer but to his surprise she did. " hello. Sir. Can I help you? She said. "Yes you absolutely can" he replied emphatically. Well come on in she took the grocery bag from him and led him to the living room where she told him to take a seat. He did. He was nervous he didnt expect her to welcome him today. He thought I'll knock a few times she will act like she is not in and then he would leave the bag in front of her doorstep. He hadn't rehearsed this so it came straight from the heart. " I am the man that was responsible for your son's death". She began to cry. " I am not looking for you to forgive me, I just want you to hear what I have to say. I was on drugs, I was a mess and I got paranoid I thought someone was chasing me. So I saw your son right there on the train's platform and I pushed him. I thought he was trying to do me harm. I ran after that under a sense of confusion. I didnt even know what I had done until later in the day I was so out of it. I want you to know how sorry I am and if is anything I can do to help you through this difficult time. I will do it. She couldnt believe in not in a million years did she expect to come face to face with her son's killer. She got up out of her sofa and told him in a calm manner get out of my house and never ever step foot in here again. I hope I never see your face again.