The Roughest Red Letter

I am living in what feels like a sea of sadness and bitterness with the way that my life turned out.

Specifically the family I had after Bernice Newmont.

We broke up because we met different people.

She met someone who treated her better than I did apparently.

She ended up marrying Darius Newmont.

The guy who I could never live up to even though I was good at surpassing the others.

Bernice thought the world of him and he certainly thought the world of Bernice.

But I think that Bernice was so hurt with what happened when we were 16.

I screwed up and completely destroyed my chances of being the guy that she thought the world of.

Oh how she was the woman who I would have died for.

Yes I loved Ira Sheridan because she loved my first born Adele Sheridan.

And dare I say it, she saw the good in our Ruby Sheridan when it was almost impossible for me to do the same it seemed.

But Bernice was definitely my first love and the woman who I never stopped caring about.

Even though a word of her was never spoken to Ira.

She was constantly on my mind, even after I wrote the roughest red letter, and she wrote her reply to the roughest red letter.

We never spoke again, wrote again, made contact again, after The Roughest Red Letter.

I was incredibly thankful for the season of The Roughest Red Letter because it was the very last time that I was allowed to speak to her.

At least we didn’t end things on a negative note.

But at the same time, for that very same reason, The Roughest Red Letter, was the hardest letter that I have ever written to anyone in my entire life.

The thoughts that would play in my head over and over again about how I could not mess up a single word of that letter because Bernice was the mother of Adele.

She was certainly the woman who I longed for but never got.

I definitely did not get what I wanted in the end out of The Roughest Red Letter.

I still weep every single night about my failures and regrets.

As it is dark outside, I am laying in my bed having doubts constantly racing through my head.

I say what I wrote to her out loud with her reply one more time so that way even though it will be the hardest thing to let go, Life will be easier.

“Dear Bernice, I know that I can never take back what I did to you.”

“I know how much that hurt you when we were 16.”

“When I cheated on you, I was young and foolish.”

“Not a day goes by where I regret all of the heartbreaking things that I said and did to you.”

“I don’t know if you love me but I think that no matter what happens from this letter, there will always be a part of me that will still love you.”

”Regardless of how life goes from this point forward, you will always have a special place in my heart.”

“How has life been for you in this past year Bernice?”

“A whole year after we had our sweet Adele.”

“It’s so mind blowing to me that our baby girl is one year old.”

“She reminds me so much of you.”

“I try to be extra gentle and loving to her because of that.”

“I hope I can show her that her Daddy wants to give her the absolute universe and never ending love.”

“She is honestly such a bundle of joy and is developing well.”

“Thank you for helping me to have the brightest and best piece of you.”

“If I can’t have you then I am more than happy with our beautiful Adele.”

“I hope that even though the only time that you were able to hold her was when she was a day old, you can remember her as someone who is better than her Dad ever will be.”

“If I don’t hear from you again, Happiness to you and your family and I will never forget you.”

“Thank you for everything, - Felix Sheridan.”

About two weeks later from the letter that I wrote her, as I anxiously read her reply, and as I am rehearsing it now, I think it is safe to say that the letter that I wrote her was definitely the roughest red letter.

One of my worst fears had come true.

It was my worst writing in my entire life.

As I take a deep breath, I dive in to these words that I am about to say.

Written by Bernice Newmont.

I say the last words that I heard from her ever again.

“Dear Felix, it brings me great pain and heartache to tell you the truth, but there is nothing I can do that would be upright other than to just come out and say it.”

“I had another baby girl just a few days ago.”

“I married that Darius guy.”

“You know the one that owns the prestigious Newmont Construction Company over in Birnam?”.

“Yes, Darius Newmont.”

“The one that it felt like he treated me if I were one of the members of The Royal Family over at Buckingham Palace in London, England.”

“The one who never ever hurt a fly and always had a positive outlook about everything.”

“And the baby girl that I had with him.”

“Her beautiful blonde hair with her gorgeous green eyes just like the features that Adele had that you and your whole family loved and cherished.”

“My precious Ruby.’’

“However, I miss our Adele like you would never believe.”

“I hope that someday I can reunite with her whenever she is an adult.”

“Just like how you stated that I would always have a special place in your heart, Adele and you will always have a special place in mine.”

”In the meantime I have my Ruby, Yes Ruby Newmont.”

“And you have our Adele which that is the greatest gift that I can give you Felix.”

“I cannot have contact and communication with you again unless it is a life emergency like a death in the family or something tragic.”

“Where we would only talk about something that is not our troubled past.’’

“So please don’t speak to me for a while.”

“Unless, but only if our paths cross again someday.”

“Best regards and well wishes with prosperity for you and Adele in addition to the rest of your family.”

“Thank you for your wonderful and heartfelt apology letter Felix, - Bernice Newmont.”

I know to never speak of the letter that I wrote to Bernice ever again.

It is a secret that is kept safe and tucked away in my head.

Which will never come out.

A secret where many years have passed and I have still never admitted or said anything to anyone about.

A secret that will be going with me when I am on my deathbed and about to die.

Taking it to the grave where even the spirits won’t be able to find out.

I do however want to speak about someone who should never bring anyone pain but who brings me grief and suffering.

It bothers me since she was the child I had after Adele.

I am her father after all.

Ruby Sheridan.

Most parents love their children no matter what they look like or even if something is different about them.

Basically they love their children more than life itself.

I mean that’s for sure how I am with Adele.

Ruby however, not because of her, even though she was definitely not as pretty and eye catching as Bernice’s Ruby.

Because of her mother, Ira Sheridan.

It would have been easier to like her if we didn’t name our child Ruby.

Out of all of the names in this entire world and Ira picked Ruby.

What a massive disappointment.

There is a part of me that regrets not telling Ira about Bernice.

But there is a possibility that Ira could have left me too.

I have never seen a woman in this day and age shoot with a gun more precise than Ira Sheridan.

If she even knew for a millisecond that I was that in love with someone else, I would be shot dead faster than a frog catching a fly.

She would have accuracy, precision, and the incredible speed of light with every single bullet.

The absolute only reason why I allowed our marriage in the first place.

So actually, I don’t regret my decision whatsoever and I decided that it was for the best not to tell Ira.

But of course since Ira had no idea, Even though I did not want to hurt her in that moment since she really took to Adel, I just gave up and gave in to the name.

I definitely despised Ira’s Ruby.

I also kept a lot of secrets from Adele too because she was one of the few people that I loved so very much and was trying to live for.

Ira passed away shortly after the birth of her Ruby due to having leukemia while she was pregnant.

I didn’t feel like that I had a complete allegiance to Ira after her death.

I took it out on her Ruby, beating her up a little bit every now and then.

All of a sudden I had to serve eleven years in prison.

I definitely hated my life even more so at that point.

Thankfully, when I got out, the most ironic thing happened.

Darius Newmont helped me to find out where Ira’s daughter Ruby Sheridan was living.

That was the one time he was useful to me.

I got the sweetest revenge.

Felt like such a massive and triumphant breakthrough for me.

I was able to kill Ruby Sheridan and have a valid reason to as well.

She stole these really important earrings.

I think that was what happened from what Adele told me.

The thing felt the greatest about my revenge on the hurtful past was that the person, my first born daughter Adele, who I love more than life itself, was my sidekick.

Basically she did all of the dirty work and I just made sure that Ruby Sheridan would not have a place to escape to.

Since Ruby Sheridan was nowhere to be found for ten years. I helped Adele do what mattered the most to her.

Gave my Adele what she deserved.

What was rightfully hers.

What that awful brat stole from her.

Her dazzling, shiny, bright, red, ruby earrings.

And as I have kept myself awake for the past four hours trying to calm myself down, what I have been trying to do every night with great hardship.

Stop thinking about what is The Roughest Red Letter.

I need to push myself harder to not think about my past.

Quit letting things get to me.

Go to sleep and have a peaceful rest that I have not had in the longest time.

As I am dozing off in this very moment, I do not know what the future holds for me.

I will make better choices and decisions.

I say one last thing before I am officially in the deepest sleep that I have had in ages.

“My name is David Sheridan and I was the writer of The Roughest Red Letter.”

“The one that definitely ruined my life at first.”

“But now I realize that as I bounce back and learn from my mistakes, I can come back harder and stronger.”

“Repairing my life in a better direction.”

“Thinking from a more positive point of view versus a negative one.”

“I have screwed up plenty of times but every step I take for change equals one less time that I screw up and let myself down.”

“Even though it’s rough to swallow and digest, I am understanding my mistakes that may be hard to mentally hear and take.”

“I am officially sound asleep.”

“Finally content with myself after a long time.”

“What a peaceful sleep I am in.”

“Dreaming and believing and will never stop fighting for the good.”

Asleep.