A Girl's Guide to Mending A Defective Heart

Trigger/Content Warning: Mental Health, Body Image, Mention of Scars.

An easy recipe for recovering from open heart surgery - valve replacement edition!

Cook time: 4 - 8 weeks.

Ingredients:

For the body...

2 packs of hospital grade bandages or 1 box of gauzes,

1 bar of antibacterial soap,

4 sports bras or 2 velcro binders,

1 bed,

1 heart shaped pillow,

As many rectangular pillows as needed,

3 over the counter medications (aspirin, tylenol, and ibuprofen),

1 loop diuretic prescribed by doctor,

1-2 breathing tubes (for lack of better words),

As many back massages as needed,

As many rolls of paper towel as needed.

For the mind...

1 set of headphones,

1 phone or laptop,

2 legs or 1 mobility aid,

1 stress ball (preferably orange),

As many affirmations as desired,

As many additional hobbies as desired.

For the soul...

1 journal,

1 pen,

2 - 3 good friends or family members,

Endless laughter,

Occasional Tears...

Variations and Alternatives...

A recliner for easing the pain of laying down too flat,

A full body heating pad for all in one tension release,

Recording voice memos in place of journaling.

* Feel free to adjust the amount of any ingredient based on pain levels*

How to prepare

1. Assess your Pain

When she wakes up, she asks herself “how bad does it hurt from a scale of 1-10” – the answer is always a 6 or more; 4 on a good day.

Depending on the pain levels, she takes 1 tylenol or 3 ibuprofen; rotating between the two every 3 hours. If she’s not careful, she can get stuck in the routine– eventually numbing pain that isn't even there.

Regardless of the pain levels, she takes 1 aspirin and 1 loop diuretic to ensure no clotting or build up of fluid occurs (the fact that it can, keeps her up at night).

2. Observe and Clean the Wounds

As hard as it may be, she looks at the scars and holes that were left behind; trying her best not to cry as she traces the bumpy surface that once reigned smooth.

With a clean hand, she lathers the damaged surface with antibacterial soap. Although it stings both the body and the mind, she knows she must push through the pain.

She pats the wounds dry with a clean paper towel to reduce risk of infection – though the affliction has already begun to attack her state of mind.

3. Cover your Scars

Taking a bandage or gauge out of the pack, she places it gently over the open wounds; feeling herself relax now that the scene of the crime has been covered.

She moves – slowly, cautiously – to put on a sports bra or binder to press her chest and reduce the tension of gravity and mental anguish that weighs heavy on her heart every time she has to repeat this step.

4. Distract the Mind

She grabs her headphones and her device (phone or laptop depending on the day) and turns on some tunes. This helps her to drown out the buzz of spiraling thoughts about how the pain and restrictions will probably last forever (p.s. they won’t).

Affirmations also help to reframe these ruminating thoughts that sneak through her head like a snake in the garden – stealthy and quick. In the midst of the storm you may hear her saying: “My scars do not define me” “This too shall pass” “I am beautiful both inside and out”... Only with time does she start to actually believe these chants.

As she pushes through the days of arrest between home walls, she picks up hobbies both new and old; not just to keep herself busy, but to reconnect with parts of herself she didn’t even realize were lost.

Using the two legs God has given her, she takes long walks outside. The change of scenery reduces the incessant threat of clotting, and also improves her mood.

But when all else fails, she squeezes the hell out of her stress ball.

5. Feed the Soul

This is where true healing begins – when she picks up her pen and journal, and writes about how this recovery has made her feel. From all of the negative and angry thoughts she’s had, to the reflections and wisdom that sneak to her in the night. When her hands can’t bear the weight of a pen, voice memos do the trick. They’re always there to lend her a listening ear.

You know who also listens? Her family and friends. She calls or texts them when her suffering feels like it has no end. Though she may not be able to go outside right now, the right ones bring the fun in. They gift her with cards, and snacks, and often rub her back when she’s in pain. They make her laugh while watching cheesy reality TV – their jokes easing the brain.

Whether she’s with company or by herself, she always tries to laugh out loud. It hurts but the release helps her to heal faster; reminding her that all things aren't bad.

Recovery still sucks though, so she welcomes the occasional cry.

6. Battle with the Discomfort

This step is the most frustrating for her. It requires a lot of readjusting and sleeplessness. If she didn’t cry during the day, it most likely comes at night... or whenever she coughs…or sneezes…or basically does anything that causes her upper body to move or shake. But that's what the pillows are for!

Any time her ribs rattle with pain, she hugs the heart shaped pillow so graciously given to her by her doctors. Its soft filling and “save the ocean” quotes provide the same unexpected satisfaction as finding a needle in a haystack.

If she needs more support, she uses as many rectangular pillows as she can find. Although they rarely help to ease the discomfort she feels, it's better than lying flat on a bed; her sore chest bending to the will of gravity as it concaves toward her back.

7. Breathe It All Away

Using the 1-2 breathing tubes she has access to, she exhales all the grief, heartache, and phlegm from her body; making room to inhale expansion, clarity, and healing. Though this step seems simple, it's just as painful as the last. However, it gets easier with each day.

Before she knows it, she is better than where she started; enjoying her mended heart!

(Little does she know, she’ll have to do this all again…)