The Idiot's Guide to Invisibility

The Idiot’s Guide to Invisibility

By Amelie Lynn Peterson

I threw the hood of my jacket up over my sopping wet hair. As I speed walked down Donna Drive, I passed under the yellow glow of a street lamp. I exhaled with gusto and watched the steam dissipate - illuminated in the artificially generated light. As I rounded the street corner off Donna, I stopped for a second to get my bearings.

Was that the almost inaudible rhythm of another pair of shoes, somewhere far behind me?

I felt my lungs hastily expand for a gasp of oxygen; simultaneously, my stomach contracted with anxiety. Then I very quickly went straight from speed walking to running. As the blood began to pound in my ears, flushing my face and flooding my arteries with the warmth of adrenaline, I ran faster. Soon my backpack was making a thud, thud, thud as it bounced up and down against my back. I could hear the water sloshing around in my water bottle as I ran.

When I got to the corner of Beach Boulevard and Goldenwest, I blasted across the crosswalk - without a moment’s hesitation. The streets were eerily empty at this time of morning anyway; but if worse came to worse, I knew that I’d rather be run over by a car than kidnapped and murdered. (Wouldn’t you?)

I’ll make it, I thought. Once I get on the bus, I’ll be safe. I am not a distance runner, by any means. But we all do strange and otherwise unthinkable things when adrenaline rushes through our arteries, don’t we?

When I thought I couldn’t hear the footsteps behind me anymore, I slowed down to a fast walk so I could catch my breath. I’m thin, but not particularly fit - and running for two and a half blocks with an overstuffed pack on my back is more than enough to wind me, even on a good day.

As I came up on the next corner, I glanced at Google Maps on my phone. This was where I needed to turn and head in the direction of the bus station. I scanned my environment for any signs of danger approaching. I sighed in relief when all I could hear and see was the sound of a car far away, and a small tree waving in the morning breeze. I stood still for a couple more seconds - just to gather my wits.

That’s when I heard it again: the unmistakable sound of footsteps! There was no denying it now. Whomever it was, they were wearing boots - or some similar item of hard-soled footwear. I say that because the footsteps of the stranger made one sound each, not two. (In other words, I could not discern toe from heel by listening.) There was only the repeated and unmistakable “clomp” sound, as each boot of my stalker made contact with the sidewalk. The sound made me sick with terror.

I was literally frozen in panic. I could feel my heartbeat in my teeth. I was so afraid that I couldn’t move. I have no idea how many seconds it took for the footsteps to catch up to me - but I waited for my stalker there, like prey in a trap. I knew that as far as this situation was concerned, I had already lost. My pepper spray was still sitting on my nightstand where I’d left it; I’d forgotten to grab it on my way out the door.

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The fact is that if you know how to be invisible, your trick will never be discovered - because humans, in general, are trained from a very young age to chalk up extraordinary things to things that are ordinary. It's a survival mechanism. (Luckily, being extraordinary in an ordinary context can also be a survival mechanism.)

The following guidance is for anyone who spends a lot of time alone, but especially for women. As a woman - even if I’m wearing the least provocative outfit I own, and I don’t make eye contact with anyone - I attract unwanted attention. The Art of Invisibility has saved my life - how many times it’s saved me, I can never be sure. I’m quite certain that most of the time when I become invisible, I am unaware of it and my body regains its visually perceptible properties before I have noticed anything amiss. That is the beauty of invisibility; there’s nothing more low-profile for a physical being than the ability to spontaneously disappear.

The first step to becoming invisible is to know - beyond even the five o’clock shadow of a doubt - that it can be done. Given the current state of our society’s ignorance, lack of education and serious shortage of curiosity for the unknown, chances are that if anyone hypothetically were to witness your disappearance, the phenomenon would be attributed to any number of nonsensical rationalizations rather than the simplest and most obvious one.

The second step to the process of becoming invisible is also the final step: just decide that you are going to! Also, just keep in mind always that the trick won’t work unless you are in dire straits, and you know you won’t survive unless invisibility is achieved. In my experience, this is all that is necessary. Please don’t put yourself in harm’s way just to try it: that’s the catch 22. If you try to pull something like that, the trick won’t work -even when you really need it to.

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I can’t explain how (or why) the thought fell into my head, right at the moment of utter panic - but in a sudden, life-or-death epiphany, I realized that because I was alone, unexplainable things were more likely to manifest. I knew in my gut that if ever there was a good moment to become invisible, now was the time. I also realized that if it ever would happen, this was the moment.

Having no idea what would happen but knowing that it probably wouldn’t have a good outcome for me, I put my palms over my face and kept my back turned to my stalker. There was nothing left to do but hope that the end would be quick. At this point, I couldn't hope for anything better. I stood completely still, and hardly dared to breathe. I was perfectly quiet, and I found comfort in imagining that I had become one with the nearest street lamp pole. A street lamp is useful but inanimate; there is something appealing about being inanimate, when I am feeling like a vulnerable animal.

A few seconds later, I was stunned to realize that the boots had passed me up - and were now crossing the street. Afraid to break the spell of my silence, I kept my hands over both eyes and held my breath until I heard the footsteps reach the sidewalk on the other side of the street. Then I pulled my hands away and looked across the street - just in time to see the dark outline of a broad-shouldered man, slowly getting smaller as he walked away. I saw his head turn wildly, a few times - like he was looking for something. It didn’t make sense! How could he have missed me?

This was when I realized that sometimes, the laws of physics can bend.