Submitted to: Contest #310

Diary of When I was Boricua

Written in response to: "Write about someone who self-publishes a story that was never meant to be read."

Christian Creative Nonfiction Crime

This story contains themes or mentions of sexual violence.

July 1, 2025 Diary entry:

Thank you God I'm so grateful that you put that right therapist back in my life.

Amen.

—-

That was three years ago, as my guides slowly revealed the insights I needed to step into my next timeline in this life on Earth.

I self published a story that was never meant to be read online, but it turns out that when you're writing, you have to write as everyone you know is dead.

I published my self identity funeral and before the day arrived I was living the reality of what I advertised, my life was shattered in the brink of a second.

You see, May 13th

Five

One

Three

These numbers keep surrounding me, reminding me of that little girl that I met on a mountain playing with all the dogs in her rain boots, enjoying the little things in life.

That five-year-old taught me more at 35 years old than life itself at that time.

You see, her life is in grave danger because of the karma following her mother.

No parent deserves to bury their child. And some children lose their parents too early in life.

The verse of the day on that fateful day, May 13, 2023 was Psalms 143, 10:

teach me to do your will, for you are my god.

Let your good spirit lead me on level ground.

You see, when you're doing God's work, you better walk into those rooms like God sent you in there, because you have to have a kind of gold level five star confidence in yourself, and you have to demand Jesus' glory and his victory in the Calvary at the cross over your name, your DNA, and your life.

There was a time when I was recovering from what seemed to be a few different conditions.

But it turns out after further research that you can actually send people maleventent energies that may cause them to appear or act sick.

If you're a good person, you may have never imagined that this was conceivable.

But to evil people, it's just another day in the park.

There was a time I was taking care of my mother, but it didn't seem to matter that I was following the commandments.

The world still wanted to break me apart for falling that basic command that the Lord asks of us, but why?

Why are you all so angry that I'm with my mom?

So what happens?

On April 22nd, 2023, I documented.

My husband warned me at the beginning of our relationship that he had family baggage that he did not think he could have a family one day.

I thought his baggage was relating to him having a disabled adult sister who had cerebral palsy, however, after 12 years of being together, I realized his sister is in a relationship with him.

Due to her limited brain capacity, I ignored the red flags.

For example, the family suggested she not attend our wedding nor tell her about it.

She attacked me when I announced I was pregnant with our first child.

Silly me thinking love could overcome everything.

I proceeded with the relationship.

Once my daughter began to express that she wanted to marry her brother in April of 2022, and that her brother was touching her and that it started when she was five and he was two… I got concerned.

I began to look into this behavior in line with the New Jersey State Police sex offender's website, I began to understand the behavioral and physical warning signs that a child has been abused.

At the time that I was writing this, I collected over six months of observations.

At the time that I'm sharing this with the world, I have over three years of observations that indicate over 11 categories that hit every single warning sign on the New Jersey State Police sex offender website.

I believe my husband is sick and I want him to get the help that he needs.

I want to rehab my kids' sexualized behaviors and I want to move our family forward.

But this is so taboo how do I do this?

Well, on October 19th of 2023, I boarded a flight from Puerto Rico to JFK at 4:50 in the morning.

And I decided to book my flight right back on Monday, October 23rd, 2023, because my life and prioritizing my safety was more important than fighting for my human babies on earth.

You see, I need to publish this story online.

It's the only way I'm going to get justice for them because behind policy, procedure and red tape, you wouldn't imagine how complex the world can make it for a mother who wants to run away with her kids that are being sexually abused.

This process has made me feel fragile and vulnerable.

It's horrific.

It's appalling.

I'm disappointed and I'm embarrassed that I was even in this situation.

I'm hurt, isolated, abandoned, all while discovering that my kids were being sexually molested all along , but no one wants to hear it.

At the time I thought the culprit was my father-in-law so I communicated that to my husband, his response, filing for a divorce.

There are multiple lists of interviews, multiple dates of reporting incidents, multiple organizations and nonprofits that are meant to help. But not one, not one authority, not one court jurisdiction, not one attorney, not one nonprofit.

No one has been able to help me.

So I turned to God.

I turned to God and I gave all of this to him because if he chose me from the womb, then he knew I was going to live this.

And if everyone has a purpose, then how can I rise from this medicine that he made me go through so that I could heal my soul and help others see what I also couldn't see.

So, sometimes publishing a story online might be the only way.

Might be the only route. Might be the only thing that will bring God's glory to life so that this world can see with their eyes hear with their ears, what these children have gone through, what this family has gone through, so they could use their voices to speak up against the audacity. The audacity of policy and procedure keeping children in vulnerable situations, all because of the devil's plan to take our world down.

But that devil didn't expect God to call his prime angel back.

And so here I am publishing my diary online because it turns out that you might also be in a family relationship with a pedophile and not be aware.

So hopefully this can help others who are in my situation engage and become the allies that we need to protect these young innocent children. And so that no one has to continue to experience sexual assault and further victimization by all the organizations that are meant to protect them.

Three years prior in the State of New Jersey.

June 29th, 2022

If the purpose of marriage is to do life together, you are missing out on what can be created with your partner when you choose to experience pieces of life without them.

A song begins to play in the background. The lyrics say, here sin doesn't exist. Mistakes are beautiful. Errors are pleasurable, just like your kisses.

Three weeks prior at Sequoia National Park.

With my eyes I am a witness to how Nature survived the intensity of change under the heat of father fire.The trees split, however, the foundation stays put and strong.

This gives me the confidence to walk the talk. Because like Mary Isis sings, “we are all fighting for our lives, but no one's going to make it out alive.”

You see, all we have is this present moment. We are truly so minuscule. Getting angry, being worried it's useless because you will never know your death date. My intuition sensed a murder scene in the backyard….

My angels whispered: Have courage and seek so that you will find what is next for you.

Healing occurs when you can find the light from within your darkness.

You see, it was revealed to me that I'm a divine healer here to bring peace. But what does that even mean? As I ask for more clarity, my inner child appears inside a white house, where there is an ancient library, and the angelic beings begin to deliver the message. You are of higher realms, and all the answers are within you.

You see, your most important lifetime you were a male female shaman with lots of native American times, lifetimes, and connection with nature. But after the white man came, you stopped.

I turned on the TV and there's a little boy who's laughing and playing and singing in a circle.

There's a warm area and the house feels like a desert and there's a mountain in the back. And this little boy, he feels like he was my sibling, two other times and other lives and that we help each other, and that we have both been the younger and the older in each other's lives.

We worked on our farm because our mom was sick. We were a total of seven kids, and our mom's body was worn down. I took on a lot of responsibility in that lifetime that wasn't mine, but it helped me to learn to set boundaries with my family and especially boundaries with that little boy. I would protect him, but he would do stuff to get in trouble. There was always an uneven balance of energy, and even though him and I have over ten lifetimes as siblings in other cultures like Mexican and Asian, I was stuck in this lineage of When I was Boricua.

You see, I needed to find a balanced energy with helping my family and knowing my limits. But there was one lifetime in particular in one lifetime I was his mom, and he would test my patience causing me to learn that I cannot turn a blind eye. People will repeat patterns, and we may do things together, but some people will have to learn gratitude in this life on their own.

There's a screaming man now that appears and he's slapping someone. He's had a lot of lives with anger. He always wants what he wants, narcissism in full control. He wants to control everything that revolves around him. And even though he might have worked through some of that anger in some of his past lives, he continues to be selfish and self centered. He was quite a Don Juan and made a lot of babies in his past life. He was abusive and he never lets others do what they want. And while he works through some of those things in this lifetime, sometimes I favored this parent. You see, we're both old souls, but we don't have the same anger. My anger is more evolved.

You see, I was a slave. I worked during a Roman time in his house. I would be whipped if I wasn't found cleaning and everything was perfect. But he was kind. He trained and educated me and he taught me music. He taught his slaves to be smart, so that he could show them off like a prize. In that lifetime I learned about the harp. I learned how to play instruments, and he awakened my love for music. He really is the person who gave me the gift of music, and I have it everywhere I go. I was respected as his slave, although he was controlling and very angry in many of his lifetimes, his karma to make up for how he made me feel I can't imagine, but I do remember that I'm the one who asked people from my soul group to be jerks so I could learn those lessons early on.

And now the channel changes and there's a girl's face, a fetus inside a mother, but before she comes down into my body, she's a brand new soul. She's only been to earth a couple times. She's a rainbow child. You see, I saved her life. She was a person of color during the civil war and I bought her with money from my husband's death. I bought all the female slaves and I taught them, but this girl was reading taro and she had psychic intuition and I bought her because she saw my dead grandmother. I bought her because I believed in her gifts. I had women in my house and I bought male slaves to guard my plantation. They all respected me because I let them live normal lives. But people found out about the slaves' gifts, and so while this girl had active skills, I needed to nurture her. Santaria was practiced, but inside in their own space, not for others. Because it would put others in danger. When you practice something, the other needs to be a ying yang relationship because you shift from expressing feminine and masculine forms. There is a strong need to balance our energies so that we can be in control of our power.I successfully raised generations on that plantation and I never remarried. I took one of the slaves as my lover and I had some mixed babies.

Whenever money would come in from the gifts from that young girl, I would buy stuff for them in town. I bought more land and I let people who believed move in.

Now the screen changes, and it' it's a new lifetime. It's in the era of gone with the wind. Like the Bridgerton timeline. There's this woman and I was her daughter. But only because my mother, which was her sister, had passed away. In this lifetime, everything was about appearances, and I had to align with what she wanted or punishment would come, such as holding weird poses for long periods of time. She tried to make me a woman of society, with music and culture, and she step into my head and made me do what she wanted. Again, control issues play out because she had abandonment problems. Her husband cheated and she stayed for status and money. She wanted me to get the same life with someone, someone that I loved, but I kept mindlessly getting attention of others. I had to learn to be my own person.I remarried and I had three kids and I didn't want to raise them in that society, always gossiping. The whole town would talk about me. For example, one time they talked about me for a whole week because I had a slit in my dress. So I decided to live two hours away, so the distance allowed me to regain my mind, I learned to be of the world, but not in it. This woman who raised me because my mom passed, she loved me, but being hard on me was the only thing she knew. I decided not to do things as they were done before.

Today my marriage has reached a point of uncertainty. My husband suggests I get an apartment upon returning from this trip.

Sometimes when it's both rainy and sunny, I wonder if nature can't pick sides, why do we? Sometimes our eyesight isn't seeing things, so we have to learn how to feel. And then follow that feeling, follow what's real, because that, that deserves a chance. No need to pick a side, simply take a stance!

That's a life of flow with no start destination.

I'm at the Yosemite forest.

I'm transported to that day where the baby cub is loose and is being scared back to his haven and I think, baby cub, but what if you stay wild will it cost you your life?

What other versions of life are there?

One of obedience or will you live a free life and stay wild?

This is the first time that I received the purpose of this book, reclaiming all the pieces of me. Through each lover I've seen different archetype forms within me, but it's important to be like a bee, leaving behind a legacy of honey, hard work, dedication and happiness, cause that little bear reminded me the strength in the grounding forces of nature.

So what's a girl to do? Take inventory.

My beauty is the tool.

My body is the bestie.

My soul is the essence.

My mind is the cloud.

My heart is the home.

My womb is the void.

My soul is the ancestor because my daughter will know she's a witch daughter of a witch daughter of a witch daughter.

The story is too good to not be true, reclaiming pieces of me through being paid for consensual pieces of me. Welcome to the chapter where I turn my dark into the light.

Posted Jul 10, 2025
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