The Road Take Me

“Thanks for driving me home.” Jenn leaned on Abby, eyes half mooned, breath ripe and sour. Abby gripped the wheel tighter and squinted out into the foggy night. It was nearly 2 AM on a Sunday, but even so she’d never reject an S.O.S. call from her best friend. “That was some intense shi—”

“Jenn, lean that way.” Abby grumbled and shoved her off a bit. She tried not to let her frustration surface. “I can’t believe you drank so much, again.” She lectured, but Jenn was so out of it, she only erupted with laughter and somehow… it transitioned to sobbing. Abby rolled her eyes. How many times am I going to continue doing this? Her efforts always felt wasted on someone who’d never even really appreciate her humanity. “Next time, I’m going to just call your mom.” She added, but knew it was no use. Jenn was in no position to retain any words of wisdom at this point.

“Oh look!” Jenn pointed. Abby searched and saw a guy walking on the side of the road. “That looks that that one kid.” Jenn observed a moment more. “It is! That’s Andrew Fisher – the kid in our biology class!” He was bundled in a winter coat – backpack weighing him over in a hunch. What’s he doing out in the middle of the night? He threw his thumb up. Oh… As they passed him, Jenn rolled down her window and leaned her head out. “LOOOOSERRRRRRR!” She bellowed and Abby nearly swerved. 

“Jenn, what the hell?”

“Oh stop.” Jenn rolled her head back in, smiling. “He deserved that.” Abby caught him in the rear-view mirror, just … trudging on. “For one, he never talks to anyone. Like, that’s a total red flag. He’s a total creep, Abby. Savanah Crishaw said she found a hidden camera in her car after he and his dad worked on it. Like, what the hell? She never should’ve taken her car to that crap hole mechanic shop.”

“Savanah lies about a lot of things.” Abby felt the need to mention.

“Uh, she wouldn’t lie about that.” Jenn scoffed. “D’aw, why, do you like creep boy?” She laughed.

“Shut up, Jenn.” Abby rolled her eyes. “I just think talk is cheap. You know like when she told everyone that I—” Abby sighed. “Never mind.” She tuned the radio on, hoping it would steal away any more chances for Jenn to talk. It worked. Thank God. As they pulled down Jenn’s street, Abby turned off the lights. They’d done this a million times it seemed. Abby came to a slow stop—four houses away—not wanting to wake Jenn’s parents. 

“Gosh, girl, you’re such a lifesaver.” Jenn smiled at her a moment before quietly getting out of the car. “I’ll get you back.” She whispered before closing the door and swaying towards her house. Abby nodded sarcastically to herself and made sure Jenn got into her backyard before u turning away. Coming back out onto the main road, Abby took a moment to strengthen her eyes with a few hard blinks. It was a long stretch of nothing until she hit her little neighborhood.

“This is getting old.” Abby whispered. She’s just using you. Abby ignored that thought and glanced north where they’d passed that boy. Andrew. Something inside her wanted to go find him and apologize. “He’s a creep, Abby.” Jenn’s warning played back, and Abby turned south, towards home instead. But she turned right into the deepest pothole she could find. Great! The front of her car slammed into the pavement and Abby’s adrenaline lit up.

“Damn it!” she growled as she drove off, nerves buzzing. Her hands held the steering wheel tight, and her eyes flashed back in her mirror, cursing that damn pothole. She got about a quarter of a mile before the car began to pull right. “What the hell?” She slowed to side of the road, rotated her wheel back and forth as if that would magically fix the issue. She tried to drive away again, but there was just no way. Pulling over again, she threw the gear in park and just lied her forehead against the steering wheel. Why didn’t I charge my damn phone last night? She’d left on a quarter of a battery and used it all up, summoning Jenn out of that stupid party. With a sigh, she pressed her hazards on and got out to see what the damage was.

A flat tire. Not so bad. I think … She huddled to herself and glanced up at the foggy sky. It was one of those nights where everything was silent. A yawning right before a winter storm. It’s so cold. She frowned.

“Are you okay?” Abby quickly turned, startled. It was that boy. Andrew. His face was dark, hidden by the shadow cast from his jacket’s hood.

“I’m… fine.” Abby lied.

“Do you need help?” His voice was coarse and gentle at the same time. He sounds tired…

“No, I’m okay.” Abby looked at her car. “I’ve changed a flat before.” During the day. When it wasn’t freezing. With my dad… She slowly glanced back at him, wanting to be genuine. Wanting to tell him sorry. But she didn’t. She ignored her intuition and just stared at him.

“Okay.” Was all he said on a fogged exhale, walking past. She pretended to wander to her trunk, but her curious eyes followed him. As the hazards lit up his face in repetitive blinks, she saw he carried bruise around his eye. Talk to him. Bring him back…

“Hey…Andrew.” She called out to him, instinctually. He paused before turning to look at her. “Do you want to warm up?” She couldn’t fight that voice inside of her. “Look, it’s freezing out here. Come warm up a little.” She could tell he didn’t want to turn down the offer, the way he pondered. Abby could see him fight the trembling.

“Thank you.”

Abby turned the heat up on max as she sat in the driver’s seat. Andrew opened the back door. “No, come sit up front.” She allowed. “You’ll feel it better up here.” He left his backpack and joined her. She gave him a small smile as he sat next to her, pretending not to notice his black eye. “Hey about earlier, I didn’t know Jenn—”

“Don’t worry about it.” He cut her off, not wanting to talk about it. Abby frowned to herself, and he must have noticed, because his voice softened. “You should really let me help you change your tire.” He offered. “Get you back on the road quicker. You shouldn’t be out here alone. Let me.” A light flutter swept through Abby and that fear Jenn had put in her about him was instantly crumbled down. 

 “Okay.” Abby nodded. “Thanks.” He gave her a small smile before dropping his head and focusing on warming his body. “Are…” she heard herself say. Damn it, Abby. She had to finish now because he was looking at her again. “Are you okay?” Andrew tightened his jaw and looked back down.

“I’m fine.”

“Do you need help?” Abby let herself study his black eye.

“I’ll be okay.” He assured her. 

“Where are you going?” There was a pause between them.

“I… I don’t know.” It seemed like he was talking to himself in that moment. “I guess I was just going to let the road take me.” He let out a light laugh, mocking himself. “Silly, huh?”

“Not really." She assured him. "It's actually really brave." He thanked her with a small smile. "How did you get that black eye?” Abby didn’t realize how blunt that must have sounded until after she’d asked it. Her damn mouth was always outrunning her thoughts. “Sorry…” She whispered as another pause cut between them. Andrew took in a deep inhale.

“Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, no matter how hard you fight, something is always pulling you in the opposite direction you’re going?” His voice was so smooth; rolling out that relatable truth and Abby deciphered it fluently. Other people might have laughed at him. But Abby wanted to… hug him. “Let’s just say something’s been trying to get me to leave this town and I’m not going to ignore it anymore.” He lied his head back, closing his eyes. “Tonight, was the last straw.”

“I think I understand.” She’d never open up to anyone so quickly. But she realized, he wasn’t just anyone. He was standing in the same type of lonely room she was. And he found a way out. “You don’t feel like you belong here…”

“No.” He agreed. “I don’t. But I’m fine with that.” He nodded, almost lecturing himself “It just means I’m needed elsewhere. So, I’m going to finally listen to... this voice inside of me.” He was either the wisest and bravest person she’d ever heard, or the craziest. “Why do we ignore it? That voice?”

“Maybe because we don’t trust ourselves enough.” Abby blurted out. Andrew nodded in thought. She watched how he took in her words, felt them, related with them, and didn’t just give her a concrete response. He absorbed them. “Everybody is so wrong about you.” She felt the need to say. Andrew gave her his eyes and held them tenderly. She saw a bit of herself in them in that moment.

“They’re wrong about you… too.” Abby was taken aback when he’d said that. What? Who? What are they saying about me? She wanted to throw a million questions his way as anxiety began to blacken any confidence she held. But she realized, in the back of her mind, she…wasn’t really so surprised. Talk is cheap. She remembered telling Jenn. “Thanks.” Abby smiled. “For the record; I don’t really believe you put a hidden camera in Savanah’s car.” She could tell that bothered him.

“Everyone thinks the world is revolved around them.” He groaned. “She was angry because we wouldn’t lower the cost for her. But I mean at that point, we would’ve just worked for free. I have more important things to worry about than spying on some little brat. Her mom called up the shop and my dad believed her. He didn’t even ask her to bring the camera as proof.” Andrew sighed. “Can you believe that?” Abby felt angry for him. “He’s come down on me before. But this time… this time it hurt more than usual. I just… I can’t handle the fact that he believed them over me.” Andrew ranted; and Abby let him. “I know I do it to myself. I don’t really talk to people. I don’t try to make friends. But I just … I’m just mentally exhausted. I don’t really see things the same way as everyone else does. Talking to people is the loneliest thing in the world. I… I’m not like them. I wasn’t presented with the same opportunities as most of them. They’d just never understand me. After my mom died, I just, nothing makes sense anymore.” He caught himself. “Sorry. I’ve never really opened up like this before. That… that was a lot to put on you.”

“I don’t mind” Abby understood. “You needed to rant.”

“Maybe… only to you.” He mentioned and Abby felt, honored. “You’re like the easiest person to talk to. And I’ve only been here for like ten minutes.” He smiled at her. “For the record—” he continued, “—I don’t really believe you’ve slept with half the school. That’s such a dumb thing to say about someone. Whoever started that rumor is obviously inferior to you. You’re just always there for people, as far as I’ve seen. That humanity in you shouldn’t be punished.” He smiled. “Don’t stop embracing that.” Abby could feel herself blushing. Of all the people she’d been trying to live for, none of them saw her. Not like he does.

“Wow.” Was all she could say.

“It’s true.” He smiled. “Give yourself some credit. And just by stepping out onto the road and letting it take me, I bumped into you. I needed this talk. And now I’m feeling like I’m finally heading in the right direction. For once in my life, I feel like I’m in the right place at the right time.” Abby smiled for him. “Maybe you should start following your intuition, whatever it’s been saying to you. Don’t follow the crowd. Follow yourself. I can see it in your eyes too. You’re trapped too. Set yourself free. This life is yours. No one else’s.”

“I really needed to hear that.” Abby realized.

“I think most people do. Just from the right person with the right words.”

“Are you scared?” She wondered.

“I… am.” He admitted. “But maybe that fear we all have is a beacon lighting us towards the right direction. Change is scary, but sometimes it's is needed. My change is pulling me out of a toxic situation. Realizing that was enough for me to follow. I have a cousin in Nebraska. I’m 18 now and he has his own shop out there. I’m just going moment by moment. But if I don’t leave now, I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance again…” Abby understood. The world was caving in on him here, he had to take the leap and she was so inspired. “It’s about to start snowing.” He glanced out the window.

“Oh, right.” Abby reached down to pop the trunk.

He gave her his jacket to layer up and wouldn’t let Abby decline the offer. She watched as he lifted the car with her old measly jack. He was quick, rolling off the flat and replacing it with a sense of pure passion. Was this night supposed to happen? She wondered. Did everything happen perfectly, leading me right to him? To hear those words.

“Make sure your change your tires soon.” He warned her, wiping his hands on his jeans. Abby handed him his jacket back and nodded. “Your tread is low on your other three and it’s about to get really icy soon. Make sure you get an alignment too.” He finally met her eyes and she smiled big and bright. He surrendered one shyly and dropped his gaze as he opened the door to get his backpack. Abby’s heart raced. She didn’t want him to go. But how selfish would she be to keep him?

“You should let me drive you into town.” She insisted. “You shouldn’t be walking in a snowstorm.” He pondered, but she could feel it was because he wanted her to get home as soon as possible. “Let me.”

“Okay.” He answered. “Thank you.”

They pulled into the train station and luckily there was an indoor waiting area. Abby watched Andrew stare at his way out and she could see the fear in him as his thumbs fumbled. Finally, he unclicked his seatbelt and looked to her. She felt so connected with this boy, damn it.

“If only we could’ve met under different circumstances.” He said. Abby realized their energies were the same in that moment.

“Maybe—” Abby began, “we met under the right ones.” She smiled. “Maybe I’m not that far behind you. On finding myself, that is. Half a year left of school… who knows what might be next.” He held hope in his eyes. For her, she realized. “Can… can I have your phone number?” Abby braved.

“I… I don’t have a phone.” He seemed embarrassed. “I can write you though. Until I get one.”

“Yes. Please?” Abby opened her arm compartment and wrote down her address and phone number on a piece of pad paper. She handed it to him eagerly. “Please…” She repeated. He took it, letting his thumb sweep gently across her handwriting.

“I will.” He assured her and she smiled contently. “Don’t let the falsities of this world mold you into something you’re not.”

“I won’t.” Abby promised. “And I have you to thank for that.” Panic grew stronger in her the closer they got to parting ways. She didn’t want to let go of the energy he held. That… sense of freedom, that sense of raw humanity.

“Goodbye.” He whispered. She wanted to kiss him as they stared at each other. But she knew the timing wasn’t right. It would probably keep him there. She could sense it. But Abby was thankful, however for the time they’d spent together. Now she had something to look forward to. Something to inspire her again in a place where she felt so alone.

“Goodbye.” She gave him and he…left. Abby watched him until he disappeared inside the waiting station. That energy slowly began to fade. It was up to her to keep it alive, to remember it. It was a calling. An awakening. If she lost sight of it, she’d slip back to where she felt trapped and forget how to find it all over again. She needed to stay focused. She needed to stay awake and fight against that overwhelming wave of pressure, forcing her to be something she wasn’t. She glanced down at the pad paper and picked up her pen.

           Tonight, I felt so real. This life is mine. I live for me and no one else. I live for me and no one else. I live for me and no one else. I’ll grip this wheel of life and let the road take me. Set me free.