A Boy Named Cerulean

TW: Mentions of past physical abuse, flashback scenes

I ignore the looks and whispers that began I step across the deck, making my way to the captain’s quarters. I swing the door open and step in without a second thought. Most people would knock, or have some hesitance. I was just trying to keep myself from shouting again. Both the Captain and Soterios were here. They both share a look before meeting my gaze.

“Why did you do it?” I say.

Soterios swallows before answering. “I— I’m sorry, Cerulean,” He apologizes.

Miraculously, I wasn’t terrified at the apology, and kept my breathing in check. My heart beat, on the other hand, sky rocketed. “I just want to know why you did it?” I say.

Soterios nods before saying, “I got scared that you were going to push yourself too far. That something would happen, and you’d only get more hurt.” He looks down at his hands before meeting my gaze once again. “I am sorry, Cerulean.” He sounded genuinely apologetic. I took note of that, as I looked towards The Captain.

“I’m giving you another chance,” I say.

She scoffs, as though amused. “You say it as though you’re the one who has the high ground,” She says.

“Captain?”

“Yes.”

“I do have the high ground. Because in case you haven’t noticed, every nightmare, every upset thought, every single ounce of pain I feel, a wave batter’s your ship. Now, it’s completely accidental, but I don’t want to show you what happens when I purposefully do it. Now. You’re not going to bring up the idea of drugging me, and in return, I’m not going to push myself to my limits.” I say. My gaze darts to Soterios. “Fair?”

Soterios nods.

The Captain hesitates, but nods. I make note of the hesitance.

I nod, before turning away and beginning towards the door.

Outside, I heart the captain and Soterios speaking to one another.

“You’re taking orders from a teenager,” The Captain states.

There’s a small pause. “No. I’m not,” Soterios says. “He’s setting boundaries. He’s telling you he doesn’t like something you did.” A second small pause. “So no, I’m not taking orders. I’m respecting his boundaries.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a bit of relief from hearing that.

The night’s came and went. And with that, so did nightmares. Some were merely fever dreams, the sort of dreams that didn’t make much sense. Other’s were memories I wish I could lock away and toss the key away forever. But given that it was pretty late, nearly midnight, we were doing the only thing we could. Lying in the hold, quietly arguing over random things.

“What’re you three bickering about?” Esteban’s voice draws our attention.

“If being a grave digger, a mudlark, or a tavern bouncer is better?” Nikostratos argues.

“Wha— why?” Aiko asks.

“‘Cause we don’t want to sleep?” Kseniya says. “Cerulean, which one would you prefer?”

I ponder the question for a bit before answering. “I think a grave digger would be nice,” I say.

“But what about grave guns and body snatchers?” Niko asks.

“Eh, give ‘em a map of the newly dug up graves, save ‘em some time,” Kseniya suggests.

“Okay, hold on, what?” I say, frowning.

Niko laughs in the darkness. “Seriously, what?”

“I’m just saying, there dead,” Kseniya says.

“So… what, gonna let some body snatchers… snatch bodies?” I ask, and Niko’s laughing made me laugh.

“‘Here’s a map Mr. Bodysnatcher,’” Niko says through his heavy laughter. “‘That’ll be fifty Zakros’”

Now both of us were laughing.

“Mr. Bodysnatcher—?” I say through my laughter.

“I honestly don’t see what’s so funny about— oh come on!” Kseniya says as our laughter grows.

“Bloody bodysnatcher’s be creepin’ ‘bout, she’s over here offerin’ wee maps,” I say. “Oh, bloody fuck, Kseniya, that’s pure dead brillaint.”

“Cerulean?” Niko says.

“Yeah?”

“What are you saying?”

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean half the words that just came out of your mouth don’t make sense.”

“He said she’s offering maps, and it’s fucking brilliant, now go to bed,” Trevino grumbles, “it’s past you’re bed time,”

Esteban’s stifled laughter stops when something thuds near his hammock. “Did you throw a potato at me?” He says.

“Shut your effing mouth and maybe I won’t shove it down your throat.”

“Oh, I’d love to see you try. Won’t you lovely husband stop you before you get kicked off the ship?”

“Esteban, I’m tempted to do it myself,” Cas threatens.

“Oh, so they are an old married couple,” I whisper to Kseniya and Nikostratos.

They both begin laughing as well.

“Why’s Trev muttering about grave guns and bodysnatchers?” Soterios asks, gesturing over his shoulder to the staircase as he clips the lantern to it’s place on the banister.

“No clue,” Kseniya says.

“Maybe he had a bad dream?” Nikostratos suggests.

I smile softly, though I can’t bring myself to offer any funny remarks. The bothersome part about staying up so late, is how exhausted I feel the next day.

“How’re you feeling, kiddo?” Soterios asks, sitting down.

I shrug, grunting as I was too tired to even bother form words.

“Anything new hurting?” Soterios asks.

I shake my head, thankful that wasn’t a problem.

“Cold?”

I nod. And no matter how many blankets I had, I only got colder. “I don’t like being sick,” I murmur.

Soterios nods, offering a reassuring smile. “I know, kid. I know,” He says. “Ashanti mentioned something about stopping by Nancledra.”

I tense at the city name. I hated that city, more than anything. I’d spent most of my time in Iselion, hence why I had such a thick accent. You sort of learned how to fit in, at a place like that. But Nancledra had been the place, where something happened, not that I remember well. I mostly just remember a lot of people, as though there had been an event, the intoxicating smell of roses and liquor, and bright, ever changing lights. There was one other thing, but I didn’t dare delve into that horror.

“You don’t like Nancledra, do you?” Soterios asks.

I shake my head.

“Bad things happen?” He asks.

I nod. “Remember that thing I mentioned? About going west?” I ask.

Soterios nods.

“Yeah. Nancledra’s like that too,” I say. “Except a lot more people.”

Soterios’ gaze grows sorry before he sighs. “Get some sleep. It’ll be a week or two before we get there.” He says.

“What’s wrong with going west?” Kseniya asks.

I take a shaky breath as I glance at her, then back at the wooden ceiling above me. “Casino’s, Ball’s, events, lot’s of events,” I say. “And lot’s, and lot’s of people who see nothing but another piece of entertainment.” I yawn, closing my eyes. “Wake me if I look like I’m having a nightmare… please?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Niko says.

I sigh, relaxing for the first time in around five minutes.

The room was dark, with cold concrete floors and the infuriatingly rhythmic sound of water dripping. Everything hurt. I could smell blood. I lift my gaze, just ever so slightly, to look at who was speaking in front of me. I remember this. I remember why I was here. After walking for a week straight, in scorching heat, I’d collapsed. A combination of wounds, exhaustion, and heat had surely led to my collapsing. And now it was far, far worse.

“Isn’t Nancledra a month’s trip?” The taller of the two men say.

“Yeah, but you know the type of folks Lachlan likes,” The other man says. “Dark hair, blue eyes. Pays a lot for that.”

“And of his sister?”

“Not interested. She’s only going ‘cause then he doesn’t do anything he shouldn’t.” The man says. “At least, usually.” He casts a glance towards me, and I return it with a glare.

“By sea, I assume?”

The man holds my gaze for a moment longer. I was looking at The Wraith. “Lachlan’s willing to pay 25 Zakros if we get him there in three to four months, good condition.”

I clench my jaw, sitting up slightly only for a horribly pain to shoot up my shoulder.

“However, he’s said he’d add 5 Zakros the sooner he got here. So get him there by next month, you yourself will get 15 Zakros.”

The other man glances to me.

I hated how they just talked about this in front of me, like I didn’t give a damn.

“Let’s say he does get there in a month, quickest ship we’ve got. He’s a bloody mess, nobody would want a kid of skin and bones like this.”

“Then get a medik, I don’t care. But if you come back with less than 30 Zakros, you’re not gonna be very lucky.”

The other man sighs heavily, nodding. “Right,” He says. “I’ll go get the ship ready.”

I kept my hand behind me as The Wraith steps closer to me. I trace the hilt of a dagger under my thumb, my grip trembling but firm.

“And you, you’re going to make this easy, or else I’ll request you stay there for a year.” The Wraith threatens.

I knew where I was going, anybody with common sense would. Especially at the mention of a person liking a very specific feature in a person. And I wasn’t going anywhere without attempting to leave a scar on this terrifying person.

I wince as he grips my arm, just where the wound was, and practically as a reflex I slashed the blade.

I gasp as I sit up, practically falling out of the hammock before somebody carefully grasped my arm, keeping me from falling. I swallow as I sit up, looking at who was in front of me. I didn’t know this person. I look around me, my chest heaving. Where was Kseniya. Where was Niko. Saints, I was even wondering where Soterios was.

“Hey, kid, breathe,” The stranger instructs. He snaps his fingers, making me look towards him. “Hey, look, breathe. Come on.” He makes a gesture, and with mild hesitance, I listen, taking the first even breath that trembled towards the end.

“Yeah, see, breathing helps,” The stranger says. His skin was pale, and his dark brown hair in curls. He had a scar that went from the bridge of his nose to his jaw. “Nightmare?” He asks.

I swallow, but nod. Suddenly I didn’t want to go to Nancledra. Suddenly I felt like I was just reliving it all over again. Tired, sick, and haunted by nightmares, on a ship towards Nancledra. “How…” I swallow before trying again. “How far… from…” I couldn’t even say it.

“Nancledra?” The stranger asks. Only now do I realize the person in front of me was Esteban. I hadn’t spoken to him often, though I knew he’d also been in the crimson hand. He seems to notice either the fear of the nervousness, not caused by his presence, rather the prospect of making port there. “You spent a lot of time there, didn’t you?”

I swallow, looking down at my hands, then nodding.

Esteban tilts his head. “It does get better,” He says. “Takes a bit for the nightmares to chill, but it does get better.”

“Not if it happens again,” I say quietly.

He nods. “Yeah, but that’s just a what if,” he admits.

“A realistic what if.”

“Well,” Esteban sighs as he nods. He glances around, and I follow his gaze. I realize it must’ve been late at night, as most of the crew, including Kseniya and Niko, were asleep. Had I woken Esteban from my nightmare? Saints, I hope not. “Come on,” Esteban says, standing up now.

I frown, watching Esteban begin towards the steps. “Soterios says I have to rest,” I say.

Esteban peers over his shoulder at me with a soft smile. “We aren’t gonna spar. Beside’s, fresh air’s good for you,” Esteban says. “And I have the night shift tonight since Nori’s been feeling off.”

I swallow, glancing around myself, before deciding to follow Esteban.

I noticed how Esteban was fixated on the stars, and would occasionally write something down on a map. He seemed to be attempting to solve something? He murmurs something in Galfran as he sits back, then looking up at the stars. He glances at me, and seems to notice my curious expression. He nods for me to come closer. “you know any constellations?” He asks.

I shake my head.

“Well, you see the three bright orange stars?” He asks, pointing up to the sky. “It’s right in front of the ship.”

I nod. “It’s a spear, right?” I say.

Esteban smiles and nods. “I thought you didn’t know any constellations.” He says, tilting his head.

I shrug. “I just know that it’s a spear,” I say.

Esteban smiles and nods.

I look at the map. Many tools pinned it down. One reminded me of a compass, though it had no arrows. “What’s that?” I ask, pointing to the object.

Esteban sat on his knees as he looks at it. “That’s an astrolabe, helps me figure out how far we are from places.” He explains. “Did Nori show you the sundial?”

I nod.

“It’s basically like that.”

I look at it curiously. I glance at the map. I point at a spot, a few miles east of the Iselion coast. “We’re right there,” I say.

Esteban nods. “Yep,” He says.

I expected surprise from him. Instead, he seemed as though I’d said something obvious. He wasn’t a shipwreck, he didn’t have the same gill-like marks on his neck. So how did he know that? Maybe he was just freakishly good at navigation?

“My mom was a shipwreck,” He says. “That’s how I know.”

Since he specified, I assume his father wasn’t. A thought crept into my mind, and suddenly I really wanted to ask, but I also didn’t want to. “You were born into the trade… weren’t you?” I say. And if only his mother was a shipwreck… then…

Esteban nods.

“Is your mother alive?” I ask.

Esteban nods the corner of his lip smiling ever so slightly. “Yes. She lives in Kraljevina,” He says. “With my little sister.”

I nod. Kraljevina. As in Sirenska Kraljevina. Most people just referred to there as Kraljevina though. That’s nice. Too many people died in the trade.

“Do you remember your parents?” Esteban asks.

I look at him and shake my head. No, I didn’t. I’ve been in the trade since I was six, everything before is just so foggy.

“But you have a sister?” He asks.

I nod. “Her name’s Azalea,” I say.

“Like the flower?”

I tilt my head. “There’s a flower called Azalea?” I ask.

“Mmm-hmm. Their usually a pink and white, but sometimes their blue and purple,” He says.

I look up at the sky once more. I hoped she was okay. I didn’t want to be too late.

I frown as Kseniya hides behind me. I glance at her, then notice the smirk. “Did you—”

“She did it again!” Niko says, pointing at Kseniya.

“I… did,” She says. “It’s so easy though.”

“What’s happening?” Trev says, leaning back from the game of Skulls and Crossbones he was playing. He and Aiko always finished up their chores first.

“Look, look, it’s easy,” I say. “Just do a race. First one to the highest yardarm and back down first wins, ready, set, go!”

Neither of them hesitated.

“Can’t Kseniya just fly down?” Aiko asks as I sit down beside’s them both.

“Just give them a second,” I say.

Aiko and Trev share a look. Trev sighs. “Niko’s gonna jump, isn’t he?” He says.

I smile and shrug. “Maybe,” I say. And that’s exactly what happened.