Is there a purpose to my life?

The sky filled the night with its dark navy blue hue. I look at it to find little beautiful yellow glimmers of other suns in our universe. I wonder what kinds of beauty is out there. My thoughts run wild as I think about the many crazy things that exist in our universe that we do not know yet. I get up from the top of my car and head back inside to start the engine. I drive down the mountain where I once was, passing by the dark sky that covers my surroundings. As I drive back down, sections of light begin to fill the night with the sounds of the city roaring. Stuck at a stoplight, I think, as usual. “How did we end up where we are now?” “What makes me feel the way I feel?” “Is there someone out in the universe who is feeling the same way I do… lost and confused?” 

I hear loud honks from behind me, easing into the gas petal. I turn my phone on to play some Lo-Fi music. As I turn my very last corner, I end up in my garage. I turn off the car and sit in silence. I stop for a moment in my life to catch up with the moments of this world that keep moving, losing track of my existence. 

The water runs on my face, standing in my thoughts as the warm water runs down my body. I cry. I cry about how I feel so out of place in this universe, and I can’t find a way in. I dry myself and lose track of time again. It’s the next day.

I wake up to my alarm on my phone, set at 6AM. I get dressed and head to my first client appointment at 6:30AM. My phone rings. It’s her. I call my client and she says, “I’d like to reschedule to tomorrow. I can’t make it right now. I’ll make sure to pay extra next time for the photography session.” I drive away from where I am supposed to be and head to a local coffee shop.

I walk in. The smell of coffee beans roasting overpowers my sense of smell. I love the smell of coffee on a Saturday morning. I’m next in line. As I walk up, I see this girl take my order. Before she lets me finish my order, she asks for the usual. I asked her how she knew it. “Gotta remember our favorite customer.” 

My name gets called out and it's her giving my coffee. As I take the drink, she kisses my eyes with a wink. I look down on the drink to check the order and a phone number is written on the cup with the words, Star gazing at 11? 

Who is she?

It’s 11. I’m at my spot where I was last night. No one is here. I wait and wait. No one shows up. I look up at the sky and sulk in sadness and regret. The thoughts of good fade away from my favorite spot because of one girl. I go home and do the same thing over again… lose track of my existence.

I see this guy walk into the coffee shop. He has handsome green eyes. Gorgeous brown hair. I wonder what this guy's deal is. He pulls up to order. Without hesitation, I say “the usual?” and he asks how I knew. I’m new here, but I could tell just with a glance of a guy what his order is. “Gotta remember our favorite customer.” Ewww. Why did I say that? I hope he doesn’t think I’m going to forward with this conversation. He just seems… different.

I go to the back to make his coffee. A straight up black coffee, I assume. So, that is what I make. Black as it could be. He seems like the bold type. I’ll add my number on there for him to see. I write, “Star Gazing at 11.” I give him his drink and wink. Ewww. Why did I wink?

The day goes by and a text appears. It’s the guy I gave my number to. We text and text for hours after I leave work. My boyfriend knocks on the door. I know it’s my boyfriend because he slams on the door, not just knocks. I quickly hide my phone and make sure everything looks straight. “Hey baby. How are you?” He grabs me tight, looking for reassurance through the tight grip of my hips. He comes in for a forced kiss, it seems. He whispers in my ear. I can’t think straight when he is around. His abs and his big arms wrap around my body. We go at it for hours. Bickering about how we hate each other, make up, make love, and repeat. He falls asleep after a while. It’s midnight and I walk out and head over to see the guy from the coffee shop. I see that he’s there, but not really mentally there. I watch at a distance to see him, scared if I should join him. I don’t.

It’s 6:30AM again. Hopefully, the girl with the photography session won’t leave me hanging this time. I get ready and head out. As I pull up to the shoot, it’s the girl from the coffee shop. The one who stood me up. “Hi, I’m so sorry about last night. I couldn’t end up making it.” So she couldn’t leave a text? What’s her deal? She’s like every other person on this planet? I tell her that it’s okay and we get started. We take some really good pictures of her and the sunrise. She’s beautiful and pure. It almost makes it easy for me to forgive her for last night. As the session finishes up, I pack up and get ready to leave. She calls out my name.I look up and she asks, “Hey can I just hang out with you for the rest of the day? I kind of don’t want to go back home right now?” I say okay and we head out.

The night goes by and we end the day like we did throughout the day, smiling. We went to the same spot she stood me up at. We lay on the top of the car and look up at the stars. She’s lying next to me. We share this little moment together.

I share this little moment with him. Too bad it’s going to end and I’m going to have to go back home. However, I look up at the stars one last time and ask the universe to save me from my demon that is my toxic boyfriend. Hopefully they answer back and give someone like him.

Hopefully my purpose was to be with her. Someone like her.