A Sincere Divide

***AUTHOR'S NOTE:***

Please be advised that this has allusions to drugs, violence, and sexual nature.

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"Why the hell are we out here again? It's so frigid out, I can see my breathe," I complain. Our ritual, done every year, has never been this cold out, even though it's midnight. What do they call it again? The Witching Hour? Yeah, makes sense.

With a small little laugh, Astrid replies, "Stop complaining RJ. We do this every year."

"Yeah, and the last thing I knew, there's this super weird thing called Google that I think can tell you the weather." The amount of sarcasm dripping from Spenser's lips flowed harder than what I assume Niagara Falls would do.

I couldn't really do much else but roll my eyes and continue to shiver. I'm wearing my hoodie, so I shove my hands in the middle pocket, but that doesn't seem to help. It's only around 50°F, 10°C. However, unlike my hoodlum friends, I did not grow up here. In the arid streets of Phoenix, Arizona, 50 was cold. Since my family moved to this rural landscape that is called Minnesota, this really weird thing called humidity just makes cold, colder. I kind of hate it if I'm perfectly honest, but, I've made my bed here and have been enjoying it.

Spenser was one of the first people to talk to me on the first day of my Senior year. It was the first day of a new school, so, needless to say, I didn't have any friends. But good ole' Spence just didn't care. He was always that way. Make friends with anyone and everyone if he could. Dude could spend days talking to a horse and still get his talking fix in.

Reid, my other friend, just kind of fell in line with Spenser, as they were childhood friends. Our friendship wasn't as close as myself and Spenser, but it was still good enough.

Another in our gaggle of friends was Helen. She was mostly around because her and Spenser had this on again off again thing going on for as long as I've been here. She was fine enough, but at times, she could be insanely annoying. Her voice would do this high pitch thing when she was annoyed, which it seemed like she was more often than not.

Astrid, however, was my lady in waiting. Well, I mean, she was to me. I'm not certain she knew, but I was completely in love with her. To me, she was probably the most perfect woman in the world. She was insanely smart, which wasn't saying all that much since she was literally studying at Harvard to be a lawyer. Her eyes where were I got lost. This beautiful shade of ocean blue, that I could get lost in for hours.

Again, I found myself staring at her while she was talking to Helen. I would give just about anything for her to really notice me, but the old adage of "out of my league" didn't fit this situation. We weren't even in the same universe.

After a few more moments, Spenser cleared his throat, exaggerating the whole time. For some reason, it was always louder than it needed to be, but he was really good at projecting his voice for some reason.

"Alright nerds, does everyone remember the rules?" Spencer asked.

"Pretty certain we all know how to play hide-and-seek Spence," Helen chimed in with a mock annoyance that we all knew too well.

He smiled a moment with a shake of his head. "Well, in our yearly tradition, I do believe this year is Astrid's turn."

All eyes shot over to Astrid as she mocked a curtsey and dress move, even though she was wearing jeans.

Spencer checked his watch, causing me to do the same for some reason. "It's almost time to go. Astrid," he said looking over at her. "You have until sun up"

She smiled, perfectly I might add and nodded, locking eyes with every single one of us. When she got to me, I tried my best to keep it casual with a small smile. I don't know if i succeeded, but I can at least say I made the attempt.

We were all standing in a bit of a semi-circle. It was just something we did sub-consciously. When the moment died down a little bit, Helen started to pull something from her pocket. It looked kind of like one of those little boxes you'd put a necklace in.

"I thought, this year, we'd have some fun," she said slyly as she turned to Reid, opening the box.

"Whoa," he said, louder than Reid was known for. "I'm, in."

I didn't see what he did outside of taking something out of the little box and putting it in his mouth.

She turned to me and Astrid, holding the box open. What I saw, didn't make sense. It was little squares of, what looked like paper. Colorful paper. Astrid smiled as she took two, turning and handing me one.

I stared at the little square for a beat, before looking back up at her. Seeing the motion from my peripheral vision, I looked over towards Spencer and Helen in time to see them both smile at each other, put the paper on their tongues, then kissed.

I was dumbfounded. I literally have no idea what this is, or what is going on. I've never seen anything like this before in my life. It just didn't make sense.

I looked back at Astrid, those oceanic blue eyes staring into my soul. "You're too uptight sometimes RJ. You need to loosen up." She took the piece she had, and stuck it on her tongue. I looked back down to the one in my hand, but didn't get to focus on it for long.

Before I knew what was happening, Astrid closed the distance between us, grabbed my face with her right hand, and brought it to hers. She. . . She's kissing me. She's kissing me! And just like that, I was putty. No, not even putty. I was the powder Jello was before you actually turned it to Jello. She pressed her body against mine, and it was about this time I finally realized that our tongues were touching. I could feel the little paper transfer from her to me, but it didn't matter. I was in heaven, or what I figured it would be.

And just like that, it stopped. I opened my eyes as her head pulled back from me. There I go, getting lost in those eyes again. And, her body didn't move. It stayed against me, lingering there, keeping me against that spell.

Astrid moved my hands, which had no clue what to do, to her hips and smiled at me. "Swallow it," she said. I complied. I didn't hesitate. She smiled softly again and kissed me again.

There was something there. I could tell. It seemed like a mixture of relief and pity? Was that pity? Oh well, I don't care. If I never get to feel her against me again, I could at least say I did.

As the moment passed and we started unfolding our selves from each other, her backing away with an odd expression on her face, and me, looking dumbstruck, I finally realized that we had an audience. Reid was gone, but Helen and Spencer were both grinning from ear to ear, staring at us.

Without another word, Helen winked at us before her and Spencer took off into the darkness of the night. I'd say to hide, but let's be honest, they were finding a nice spot to do something else, be damned our little ritual.

I sheepishly looked over at Astrid, who doesn't seem like she's taken her eyes off of me to notice the others. She smiles again, but this one very small. "You better get hiding," she said softly.

It takes me a long minute of looking at her to gather up whatever was left of my courage. I assume it was within the depths of my being because, it took way, way to long to summon. "When this is over -" I started, but she shut me up with another, very quick, kiss to the lips. When she pulled away, her demeanor changed slightly. It could have been pretty imperceptible to most, but I could see - something - there. "Go hide RJ."

I took another long look at her, then finally took off.

It didn't take too long for me to start feeling, odd. Everything in my vision was getting a little blurry, and I'm pretty sure if there were lights out, I'd be having a hard time with those. Well, there are stars and a pretty clear moon tonight. I looked up and immediately wished I hadn't. All of the stars, well, there was at least 2 or 3 of each of them. And don't get me started on the moon.

My reflexes slowed slightly as I kept slogging my way through this little forest, trying to find a spot. In my clumsiness, well, heightened clumsiness, I tripped on a branch. This lead to me crashing down, scraping my side against a tree. Where the hell did the tree come from? Oh, forest, right.

The tree seemed big enough so, instead of trying to get up with the, now, amazing amount of pain I was in, I crawled to the other side of it to just sit against the tree. Hopefully, this was the side away from where Astrid would come from. Maybe I should go on the other side, let her catch me. I winced in pain a little as I pulled up my hoodie and shirt to see a pretty good abrasion against my rib cage. I don't think anything was broken, but it was going to hurt.

Why didn't it hurt now? Oh, right. Pretty certain I've been drugged. My eyes were becoming a little too heavy for someone who slept most of the day to prepare for this. Way too heavy.

My eyes shot open as I heard something in the stillness. How long was I out? What did I hear? Did I hear anything? Am I still tripping?

"NO, PLEASE STOP!"

That time, it was clear. It was someone screaming. I couldn't quite make the voice out, but it sounded like a guy screaming. I opened my mouth to try and call to my friends, but barely even a squeak came out. Whatever this was, I am not good with it.

My eyes closed again, still unable to keep them open.

Thwap. Thwap.

My eyes shot open again to the sound. Fell asleep again.

Thwap. Thwap.

The hell was that. Sounded like, wood hitting wood.

"Nice to see you're awake RJ," a very familiar female voice said. It was Astrid.

I looked over to her, standing next to another three about 10 feet away. She was holding a bat, that she hit against the tree. Thwap. Thwap. Well, I was right. Studying the bat a little more, there was something on it. Liquid of some sort. Kind of reddish. Wait. Wait a minute.

"Astrid," I slurred a little. "Wha - What's go - going on?" I stammered to get out. My heart rate was spiking significantly.

She bent down next to me, sort of sitting on her heels with the bloody bat now laying across her legs. "I don't know RJ. What do you think?"

Her words left me speechless. I didn't know. Should I? Wait. There was a scream earlier. She's holding a blood soaked bat. The realization hit me like a truck running me over. Heart rate upped some more, and this time, I started hyperventilating a little. "Where is everyone?" I asked, but had a very sneaking suspicion I already knew.

Astrid stood and walked the few feet between us and squatted down in front of me, the bat even more clear. Not only was there a massive amount of blood, but I'm pretty certain I could see some hair as well. "They're dead RJ." The words came out emotionless.

Not the Astrid I knew at all. No. This was someone different. Someone angry.

"Wh - Wh - Why?" was all I could stammer.

"You really don't know do you?" she said as she placed her hand in my hear, almost in a petting fashion. "Reid and Spence, well, they assaulted me last year. Right here," she said gesturing around. "In these very woods. All while Helen recorded it."

"What?" I almost belted out. I mean, I knew she was pretty distant towards us this year, but I figured it was her school work. There was this ever growing thought in me to try and get up - get away somehow. But, I just couldn't. I couldn't move.

"Yeap," she said in that calculated, emotionless voice. "And I wish you'd stop trying to hide that you didn't know. It was your turn last year to find us."

Oh. Oh, no. "No, no -" I started before she put a finger on my lips.

"Yes RJ. You stayed back, probably because you didn't have the balls to do it with them. You might as well have been there. Not doing something was just as bad." Her words were cold.

"I fell asleep Astrid," I finally stammered out. "Really!" That came out a little too 'please don't kill me.'

"You -" she started before trailing off. "You fell asleep?" She pondered for a second, staring at me. There was that pity again.

I nodded quickly. I still can't figure out why I couldn't get up and just run away. Actually, now that I think about it, I couldn't move anything at all. When did this happen? I really don't like where this is heading. "Please," I begged again. "I didn't know." This time, tears started streaming down my face, not all at once, but it was a start.

Astrid looked at me. The pity was still there but it was also mixed with, what appeared to be, a tinge of sorrow. Her bottom lip quivered, and a few tears of her own escaped the dam she was trying to keep up.

"I would never have done anything to you Astrid," I muttered out through my - very manly - crying. "I've been in love with you for years." Just like that, I finally confessed the skeleton that had been hiding next to my hung up jeans. I knew she knew it was true. I think she knew when she kissed me before this night started. It was like, she confirmed something she had already known? I don't know. I also am not certain what that's going to do right now.

A sigh escaped her lips as she brushed away her tears, before moving on to wiping mine. She discarded the bat - yeah, the bloody one - that had been laying on her lap. She inched closer before she, out of no where, sat down on my lap, straddling me. Something was amiss though. I couldn't feel her. Was I that desperate? No, no that wasn't it. I literally, could not feel her on top of me.

She kissed me again, gently and as she was done, placed my head in her hands and made me look at her. Those eyes, those damn eyes.

"Astrid, why can't - I move?"

A heavy sigh came as she readjusted herself a little. I still couldn't feel her. "I knew what Helen was planning, those strips of paper. I added a slight paralytic to each of them." Her eyes moved away from mine, almost as if she was disgusted. Disgusted with me? Disgusted with herself?

"Why?" was all I could muster.

"Because I didn't want this to take too long. I need time to dispose of the bodies. For some reason, the other's weren't as effected as you." She kissed me again, still gentle, but this time just a little longer.

How could I sit here and - well, I was drugged so yeah but - how could I still crave her lips against mine, even knowing she killed our friends. Ah, yes, drugs. I still wasn't thinking clearly.

"I'm sorry RJ. I really wish I would have known sooner."

Before I could speak, she pressed her lips against mine again. This time, it was very different. This time - it felt like a passionate goodbye. While I couldn't really move my arms or legs, I did have this slight feeling on the back of my neck. Her hands.

This was about the time I felt her grip get tight across my throat, thumbs pressing into my trachea while her fingers clamped down on my carotids.

I wanted to panic. I wanted to scream - and fight. I wanted to live. But there was nothing. There was no fight and no scream. Instead, the love of my life was starving me of oxygen, while kissing me. That's weird, isn't it? Well, I mean, this entire situation was weird.

Nothing made sense.

I could start to feel the darkness take hold. You know, in the movies and TV shows, most people choke someone until their unconscious and want us to believe that was the killing blow. The sad truth is, you had to keep going a little longer. Did she know that? Maybe I'll just pass out and then come too. Oh, maybe I'll wake up and this is nothing but a horrible dream. But, it wasn't. This was happening. I'm being choked to death by a woman I've loved for years, and just told her that, while she's straddling me in the woods, and was kissing me when she started this. Odd way to go out I guess.

Just before the blackness settled, I vaguely felt Astrid's lips against my ear. Right as the sweet embrace of probable death took over, I heard the last thing I will ever hear.

"I love you too."