Families lost in time

I could hear the words still coming from my phone as it fell to the floor and time just seemed to stand still. My sister, trying to utter the words that our dad had passed but the words got lost in the tears. I knew and she didn't have to tell me. The line; goes dead and I am left with my thoughts. My memories but there in the darkness; is still that angry little girl. An angry little girl, that's mad at the world and left with unresolved conversations with her dad. I had always assumed that I would have time to sit down and talk to him but time ran out. I hadn't seen my dad in several years and climbing the corporate ladder took precedence over going back home to spend time with my parents. Clearly that was the wrong decision but a lesson learned.

The last phone call that I had with my dad, I had called him on my vacation after years of just not calling and he answered. I was shocked and was waiting on him to hang up but he didn't. I said, "Dad, I'm sorry that I haven't been home and I'm sorry that I have been angry with you all these years. I am sorry that I wasn't there for you when mom died because it had to be so hard on you and I should have just stopped to check on you." True to my dad, he says "That's behind us, Missy and there's no need to dwell on the past! I love you and always have. How's that granddaughter of mine? I bet she's big now and probably full of vinegar!" "Dad, I" ; "Now stop Missy! It's all behind us. I have prayed for you every night and I prayed for that baby. I never stopped praying and I'm glad you called. I want you to come home for a visit and bring that baby with you." "I will dad and thank you for praying for us. We will come down in a month or so. We can go to dinner or we can make you dinner. Whatever you want and we can talk more then. I love you, dad".

Now as I stand here with my sister, I realize that I have no idea who she even is, not the superficial person but the real person. For once, I'm going to try for daddy and pray for the best. We drove to the local mom and pop place. We talked about memories that the place held for us and our family. She talked about her life a little while we waited in line for our food and eventually made our way to this worn out booth. Red in color, duct tape patched the seats and I have to admit; it looked rough. I was definitely hoping the food didn't go down hill too but I was forcing myself to be there with her and to eat the food no matter how bad.

"So sis! What made you move back home? Are you doing good? Where you working at now?" I watched as she picked at her food and noticed how thin she was. "Well, I moved back to be near the grandbabies and the rest of the family. Of course, could've done without dad dying but that can't be controlled. I started working at Walmart and I'm hoping to move up through the company but heck, I just want to find a good man and settle down. What about you?" "Well, I still live up north and working with the same company for what seems like forever. Of course, kiddo has kept me busy between her surgeries and sports. Got a divorce and eventually met this great guy. He's got a daughter too and his family is great." The conversation kind of trailed off. She finished her food and I barely had touched mine. In the garbage that went and now for the nauseating drive back to my nephews to drop her off. As we drove, there was a sadness that I felt for her because even at 52 years old; she was struggling to get her life on the proverbial right track but at least she was still trying. She looked at me with this big smile one her face and said , "So do you smoke?" "No but I can pull over if you want too. It's not a big deal." "No, I mean I do smoke cigarettes but I mean do you smoke weed?" At that moment, my mind was blown and it was clear to me that although, we shared the same DNA; we didn't have a great deal in common. "Nope never tried and never wanted too but if you feel the need I will pull over for ya!"

Never in my 44 years of life, did I ever think that I would be pulled over on the side of the road in Eastern Kentucky and watch my sister go traipsing through the woods to hide while she smoked weed. In my mind, I'm thinking " Man, every law enforcement friend of mine would be up my ass about this but of course, they wouldn't even believe it was happening either. Many stories have come out of my neck of the woods, that at times I wouldn't have believed had I not been there for them.

After another 30 minutes we are sitting in my nephews driveway and she is waving at me as she walks into his house. I feel relieved that, that part of the trip was over and that now I can finally drive 6 hrs to sleep in my own bed. 6 hrs, now that's plenty of time to think and clear your head. If I'm lucky, I may be able to make sense out of some of this trip because there was so much. The funeral, the siblings, the cousins, the friends but although I did have a meal with my sister and I did say it was for my dad; it was just as much for me because I didn't understand why he worried more about her than me. As I was driving home that night; I did at least figure that one out and I had to just smile. My life was locked in and I had achieved my goals. She was still trying to find her place in this miserable world and still trying to fit in. I accepted a long time that I didn't care what other's thought of me because opinions of others do not define who I am or the success that I have in my life. I do and I can only hope one day my sister and those like her; find peace.