Almost Perfect

By: Michell C.

   The engine of her hand-me-down SUV shuttered to silence as she cranked the ignition to the off position and removed the key with a deep sigh. The holiday season had taken over the shopping mall parking lot and she knew the inside would be twice as bad.  

   "I can do this." She whispered to herself.  

   Elbowing the door open, she slid out into the chill, afternoon air, tugging her coat tight around her. She cursed the cold breeze along with the squeaky car door she had to slam three times before it latched, then scurried inside the building.

   Jingle Bell Rock and the smell of Cinnabon assaulted her senses as a seemingly unending wave of consumer bodies rolled toward her. The mass of people looking for deals and just the right gift for that special someone; slightly harried and totally irritated while trying to feel that holiday spirit and failing. All she needed was an overpriced coffee in her hand and she would fit right in. Pin pricks of anxiety tickled through her gut and she inhaled deeply. In through the nose and out through the mouth, just like her counselor had taught her, but the breathing exercise did nothing to calm her.

   Maybe she couldn't do this? Swallowing the panic rising in her throat, she fumbled through her purse searching for her cell phone. Tears threatened as her hand closed around it and she quickly brought up a voicemail. Pressing the phone to her ear, she listened intently and let her eyes drift closed.

   "Hey, Dear. It's me. I got off work early so I'm going to make you dinner tonight. How does grilled cheese and tomato soup sound? Nah, I'm just joking. Let's go out. We haven't been out in a while...wherever you wanna go. Think about it and I'll see you at home. Love you. ...Oh, can you grab dog food on your way home? I took the bike to work and there is no way I’m going to be able to balance a forty pound bag of kibble on there. Ok, see you soon. Bye."

   She smiled at the sound of his sweet voice, always so thoughtful. She had to find him the perfect gift, but he was just so hard to buy for. For him, she could do this. She would do this. Squaring her shoulders, she did her best to shove the anxiety aside and set off into the chaotic mass of shoppers.

   Every store she entered seemed to have a whole lot of the same and nothing that was good enough for him. Holiday sweaters, wallets, beard grooming kits, silly pajamas, it was ridiculous. After over an hour, she was ready to throw in the towel. Frustration and anxiety in equal parts coursed through her body and she gritted her teeth against the need to scream. Trembling hands attached to arms she could barely feel wrapped protectively across her middle as she hugged and rocked herself in the isle of a store that smelled like Nag Champa and Patchouli. After what felt like an eternity, her eyelids fluttered open and she saw it. Something truly unique.

   On a glass shelf, tucked into a tight corner, nearly hidden by tapestries and dragon shaped incense burners, sat an intricate wooden motorcycle no bigger than a can of soda.  

   Light, medium and dark wood all married together with a shine so deep, it seemed to glow from within. The words 'Harley Davidson' were beautifully hand painted on the tiny gas tank. Her soul smiled and she breathed a sigh of relief as she carefully lifted the tiny motorcycle from its resting place, the wood strangely warm on her fingertips.  

   Everything articulated smoothly, from the handlebars to the shocks and the brake and clutch levers, even the little wheels actually turned.  

   This. This was perfect. 

   Clutching the model to her chest, she all but ran to the cashier and gingerly set the wooden motorcycle on the counter. They exchanged pleasantries as she paid for the model and she quickly made her way out of the shop, leaving behind the smell of incense. Weaving through the sea of shoppers, she dodged strollers, loose children screaming for gum balls and toys, giggling teenagers and frazzled parents groaning to each other about spending too much money before finally slipping out of the mall doors and back into the bone chilling cold.  

   Even with the cold, she breathed a sigh of relief and hustled back to her old SUV, cursing again at the door that now refused her entrance. After a solid whack, it popped open and she slid back inside, cranking the car back to life and blasting the heater. Twisting around, she set the gift in a small box on the floor of the back seat, then with a deep breath, she put the SUV in gear and gratefully rumbled away from the madness that was The Mall.

   To the west, the winter sun steadily descended toward the horizon. It set so early in December and her stomach clenched a bit as she thought of being late. If she was lucky and didn't get stuck in the holiday traffic, she could make it before dark.

   Just as the sun was setting behind the tall conifers, she pulled off the boulevard and onto a tiny, single lane driveway that wound through dips and hills, her SUV rumbling and rattling along as if it were complaining about the cold as much as she did. Finally, she let the poor thing roll to a stop. The motor shut off with a grumble and she slid back out into the cold, cursing again at it and the door that wouldn't close. Pulling her coat tight around her once more, she opened the back door and carefully lifted out the perfect gift along with a bouquet of winter flowers. 

   Bumping the door closed with her hip, she carefully made her way over the perfectly manicured lawn, frosty grass crunching under her feet. With every step, her heart beat faster and she found herself mumbling as she knelt next to the grave of her sweetheart. 

   "Well, I didn't make it out to dinner, but I did find this."

   She gingerly placed the wooden motorcycle next to a sun-bleached pair of riding gloves and a helmet. The flowers followed, but these she laid at the foot of the headstone.  

   Sitting cross legged on the frosty ground, she pulled a cold, grilled cheese sandwich and a thermos of warm tomato soup out of her bag.  

   Her jacket...his jacket, three sizes too big, fell open and she pulled it close around her, inhaling the fading scent of his cologne. Tonight, they would dine on nothing but the best comfort food around.

   Swallowing a lump in her throat and wiping chilly tears from her eyes, she smiled at his name in stone and played his voicemail again.