Attention to his details

Addiction was not a word that she could attach this feeling to. That word was not grand enough.  She craved him in ways that defied every law she could think of. The law of attraction, polarity, rhythm.... it didn't quite encompass what this was.  She was engrossed in his being and she could not quite get a grip on it. But, it was still an invigorating feeling that she willingly embraced. It felt amazing.

Her thoughts always found him in the midst of them somehow.  And these initial thoughts usually had nothing to do with him.  She was trying her hardest  not to think of him.   She usually went out of her way to not encounter him.  But this was not because she didn't want to, it was because she couldn't help herself when she was around him.   She wanted to touch him, talk with him, envelop him with her essence.  And that was a bit much.  She was unsure if he even knew that she existed and she thought that it may be best that way.   She had seen women being obsessed with their partners before.  She always thought that it was ridiculous.  Now, she is aware of just how possible this was.  She didn't quite know how to handle it. But, she knew that it may be something that she would want to experience.

It was his smile that took her over the edge. It was inviting and comfortable.  She found warmth in it, but she had never experienced it shine brightly because of her.   She desperately wanted to experience making him smile.   She wondered how she could go from invisible to undeniable.  She wanted to be a manifestation of his every desire for a woman.   But sadly, she felt like she could not be that.  He was a handsome man and she was just her... sweet and caring, but unsure of herself.  She dressed nice occasionally.  Usually she wore simple dresses or pants and a blouse.  She never wore heels, always flats and sandals.  She carried the type of uncertainty that was a bit unattractive.  She knew it, but she still wished that she could be an object of his affection. And she wanted to try to get his attention.

This day, she decided to curl her hair so that she could wear it down, sweeping one side behind her ear. She made sure to put on a light coat of makeup, especially a subtle coat of lip gloss that was just enough to see, but not be like a club night. She put on a dress that fit her curves nicely. She still decided to wear flats, but she opted for some nice open-toe sandals.  She even got a french mani-pedi. She wanted him to do a double take.  She wanted to make him smile that smile that would catch him off guard because he forgot where he was for a minute.  But she would settle for the composed slight smirk as acknowledgement that he did indeed see her.  And he liked what she saw.

She found herself near his office.  He usually took his lunch at this time and for some reason, today, she decided to bump into him.  If only for him to speak to her and only her.  She hoped not to choke if this "chance encounter" was to be successful.  But she would settle for that smile with a quick nod.  She would float on that feeling for the rest of the day.  She almost needed to feel that.

He was so beautiful. Tall with a solid build.  His shoulders seemed like mountains stretched across islands when he stood straight, with this stride demonstrating his position not just in the company but in life. His shirts hung on him perfectly like each shirt, no matter the type, was made for him. His style was impeccable and unique.  Some of the color combinations were a bold choice that seemed to always work. Once he had on black slacks (perfectly tailored) with a very soft blue shirt with a blue, orange, and pink tie. And it worked.  He was stunning.   He exuded a peaceful life well lived confidently.

 When he spoke to the team, the depth of his words commingled with the depth of his voice and made her heart skip beats.  She could only imagine if he were to speak directly to her.   She slowly walked towards his door.  She felt her body tense up and her breath quicken.  What was she doing?

She got close and decided to turn around, but it was too late, he walked out of his office and caught her gaze.  She stopped in her tracks, afraid to say or do anything that would hinder her opportunity to make a great "one on one" first impression.   He smiled and walked towards her.  His shoulders straight, his posture aligned with her thought of him.  He seemed to glide towards her. She stood still.   He started to look a bit perplexed.  Perhaps he was wondering what was the matter.

He parted those beautiful lips, an electrifying smile complementing the words that flowed from his mouth. "Good afternoon. Kia, right?" he said, extending his hand out to her as if to invite her into his world.

"Rrrr...Riiight." She said almost in a whisper.  She reached out to him and grabbed his hand.  It was so soft. She let out a squeal and started breathing erratically.   She was almost hyperventilating. 

"It's nice to meet you, finally."  He said to her, trying to politely pull back his hand.  But she instinctively gripped tighter. His smile gradually transformed and she held tighter, almost squeezing it.  She was in a trance until the air got thicker.  Her heart's rhythm changed with the crushing blow of reality.  She quickly turned his hand loose and ran in the other direction.

She ran to the bathroom to get a handle on this impending panic attack.  And as her blurred vision began to focus she thought to herself, "I will follow him to his car later and talk to him then."

She was totally oblivious to how awkward that encounter was.  Or maybe she wasn't, her obsession to infiltrate his life was overshadowing the obvious dangers that may lie ahead.  She didn't care...