Never ever never

Too much had happened in my life. In my school days we had to during religion studies ponder on the statement, 'No person is an island". In truth it was "No man is an island" But that is sexist. In my youth He meant He and She, as did Man mean any Human being. It's confusing, you know, but misogyny does not allow any sort of questions unless, of course, the questions are asked by important people, usually men...  

So I'm sitting looking at the metaphor. My comprehension was not so good in primary school but improved in high school. Mostly I had calm and dedicated teacher in High School. Not the duster throwing frustrated primary teacher, Mr Green. He wanted to be a scientist but family paid for his College bills and family chose his career.

So 25 years later I'm in my bedroom. My bedroom is 99 per cent solitude and when depressed solitary confinement! So on that 1 per cent day, 25 years later, I remembered that great big world, ghost from the past question. I usually remember everything in detail but I don't remember Mr Green's cologne. He was deep, so his cologne would need to matter in my memories. I would probably chose a thick cinnamon, mossy base? Anyway that question, back to that question?

Yes, we're all connected. Smoothing my chin - "No, the butterfly can flap its wings in Australia and there be a tornado where someplace is having summer." Stretching my hand out and looking at my fingernails, one-by-one. "A person can feel joy and that can ripple out, or a news alert can form a negative thought form and that can influence culture." Yawning- 'And some argue that we are not independent of the human matrix!"

But this question places a person on an island. I could put my hand up now to Mr Green and have a deep conversation about the metaphysics of things now! However, there is nothing wrong with being alone and rippling out introvert groove vibes. Which with my win to the question is a small smile as I text, "No staying in tonite..." I won't type sorry because I'm not! So, "...It's too cold. Enjoy yourselves. Nite. (Smiley emoji. Heart emoji)

After the text, yawning again, I pour a wine. The kettle sort of bubbles like a car idle on a frosty morning. I have a few minutes to go to the toilet, brush my teeth before filling the hot water bottle in its sheepskin cover. Bed looks so good, everything soft! Stacked pillows pressed against bedframe. Feather fluffy doona, so lightweight so soft! Heater set at 18 degrees. Stretching out, I say to myself, "The Kindle sanctuary is opened for visitors!" I recently bought a new conspiracy ebook on Area 51. No waste of paper. Choice of print size and light intensity what more could I want! Propping up my left arm on an oval pillow with cat ears and eyes I feel like I've been given a bag of candy!

I like the sound of bells ringing, however, I did not like at that moment in the Nevada desert when the bell tune ring tone on my phone went off. "Hello June, it's me your cousin. Your cousin who Is alone, sob, sob, having her birthday party Alone!" 

The background noise had people cheering and drums gagging the monologue. "I'm sorry Krissy can you say that again I can't hear you!" I knew she was upset, but I could not make out everything she was saying. Krissy started again, alone, blah, bang, laughter, noise, noise, hedonistic yuk!

"Have you got the phone on loud speaker?"

"Yer"

"Turn it off!"

"Hi June can you hear me now?"

The white noise had gone, the too many people noise had gone too!"

Checking my phone volume was loud. "Yes. Can you tell me again?"

A snuffle and then a pause. "I'm here alone! The others did not come!"

"Krissy, they are probably late"

"Nah, Lindsey's got a cold. Hari could not get a babysitter. Levine has an assignment due. Tora had a fight with his girlfriend...."

"What about Michael?"

"No the casual did not turn up"

"I'm alone" turned in to a swan song. I'm mean after the divorce, I just, i just wanted to have some fun with my friends and party on my birthday!"

Crying, crying, crying. Sob. Sob

I looked at Area 51 exposed in my activity section of the screen wistfully. "I guess you could come over here. I have wine and we could watch Netflix together?" A harsh divergent for me, but necessary to be kind!

"Oh noooo- boo hoo- I want to be out in the fresh nite air with people.. could you come please. Please!" I could not, the warmth of my room, the quiet, the close curtains, the kitten biting my feet! No! I have to be firm! 

"No, sorry, all settled in for the nite love!"

The pleading stopped and then Krissy turned on some serious negotiating. If you come out, i could talk Annie into scratching you from her wedding guest list!"

Annie was a friend of the family. She was pretty loaded and expected black tie on her river cruise second lavish wedding. I had written a list of excuses like, the flu, got to babysit, long work hours etc, but they sounded lame. "How would you serve it to her?" Hmm, I would say your car broke down, the hatch flew up and your windows wound down and your horns and lights were doing Morse code and you had blocked the Riverside express lane. Isn't there a football match at Milton that day. Those who were able to pass, along with those drivers travelling in the opposite direction were rubber necking you causing bad afternoon chaos. One driver had a rage and threw a bottle at you knocking you out. When I rung you up to see if you could give me a lift, you could not remember your name and what day it was. I had to catch a taxi, which is in the traffic jam caused by you. I cannot afford anymore taxi fair and am was late missing the cruise launch. I was amused. "Deal! What's the address." I grabbed some paper on the bedside table. "108 Brisbane Street. I paused, "Is that Rumours pub?" "No, Red Bear's Den"

Folding my nighty and dressing gown and placing them under my still warm pillow. Long black pants, boots, skivvy and overcoat set the "I don't care mood"... Some foundation, eyeliner and lippy took about 5 minutes and hair out with messy bun top took less than 2 minutes and hear the sound of the Uber horn. Toot toot- sounded polite and happy. I texted with the started breath of a second wind, "Krissy be there in 15"

"Ok"

Krissy did not write texts too often, so I pressed 'Do not disturb' option before she tried to call. 

I had forgotten what city lights looked reflecting in the river. I had been an island sending out groovy waves remember? The liquif rippled, merged, jumped and dived artificial colour. The drivers App was playing Middle Eastern music and there was a faint smell of incense. I felt chilled, a little rejuvenated. 

Another turn and I could see a hug red Fluro sign bear holding a stubby -smiling. Tapping my card giving a mumbled "Thankyou" whilst exiting the car. I don't know what was louder the banging band and drunken crowd, or the blizzard wind cutting through clothing and undoing my hair. Cold, snow blo from Canberra or the Blue Mountains. I asked myself the hard question, "Sleazy pub birthday nite or wedding river cruise????" 

I could hear Krissy but I couldn't see her. "You made it!" She was running towards me, both arms stretched out for a hug, with what looked like a Bundy and rum in her right hand. Her high, high heels had a scattered sort of pidgeon toed run. We cuddled. Her bare back was sweaty. Her eyes wide. She laughed and slurred, "This is the best birthday Cous" Followed by a slobber. 

To save my minute lipstick, I gave her a quick peck. I suddenly became aware that, I, the Island, looked like I had come from the office, rather than ready to party. The crowd was moving in unison with the music. The band, an unknown, had hypnotised their audience and I felt strange, like I was following the Pied Piper! A tap on my shoulder from behind. Michael passed me a drink. I yelled in his ear point blank, "You made it" He yelled back in my ear, "The casual turned up!" 

After the first drink of whatever, my clothes felt stuffy. Fortunately, there was a cloakroom. Lining up, raising my eyebrow as Hari and Lavine went in the usual female paired formation at the Ladies. Tapping me on the shoulder, was Lindsey. He smirked, sticking the next drink under my nose . I screwed up my face and flattened my lips, " Got some good echinacea huh???" Saying nothing he left me to myself in the line up.

Another and another and another drink with the birthday party. We were all dancing together; the joke was on me!!! A clash of symbols and loud bang of drums, spot light like the red dot landed on the almost breathless lead singer. "Hey every body..." The crowd screamed! We screamed! "Ok this is our last song and we're gonna pick 4 ppl to come up here and sing with us! Crowd wave, and sounded a loud roar of excitement. "One" The lead singer, Dan, pointed out in the audience. The spot light was over Krissy! She was screaming with her hands clasping her face! The crowd carried her like a wave to the stage. Her short red, backless dress was not complimentary to her straddled crawl. Somehow she managed to stand. She pushed her body close to Dan in a way that was dominating and flirtatious. "Umm-" Yelling into microphone, "It's my birthday and I'm divorced and having a great nite" Dan laughed deeply into the microphone and shouting the birthday girl has two choices! The guitarist plucked the song 'happy birthday to you' and audience sang the next few lines.

I was hot, drunk and did not see the fickled finger of fate point at me! Nor did I understand the bright light the was slamming me backwards and forth. I was swimming on top of the crowd- No, I was flying on top of the crowd! I remember faces, lots of faces, white light, lots of white light. Somehow my skivvy was knotted under my bra exposing my stomach and back, my long pants had been cut off exposing my buttocks. I looked like the 1980s style Madonna chic! I felt a bit vague and slowly drawn back to the atmosphere. Here, not here, here, not here. We sing, "Hey don't come around here no more" I bellowed into the microphone with the back up singer. Krissy was swinging her arms vigorously like doing the Rock Lobster" All of us were into it!! The song ending in instrumentals. I grabbed the birthday girl, swung my arm around her swaggering and melodically whispered into the microphone "I'm never going out with you again!"