The Pendant

I was born at 12:03 on a peaceful night. Four minutes earlier and I would have been one day older than I already am. My grandmother came to the hospital before I could even open my eyes. I wanted to listen to the sounds around me, so I wasn’t crying. She looked at me, looked at my parents and smiled. Her eyes were crystal clear, and tears of joy slowly gathered on the bottom of her eyes, blurring her vision. She reached for her purse, searched around for a few seconds but she couldn't find it. She sat down, looked inside and carefully took out a golden pendant, freshly engraved with the image of a balance. I am a Libra.

- This is for my grandson. I would like to see him wear it when he gets older. Of course, if he wants to.

My parents took it and looked at its shine. 

- It's very beautiful. Thank you!

I heard them speaking, I heard noises, it was all new. No more mumbling. I didn't understand a word, but I knew it was love. 

When I turned 18 my mother went to the jewellery box, opened it and gave me the pendant. 

- This is from your grandmother. She gave it to you when you were born. I made a necklace for it. 

I touched it and I felt safe. I felt as if my teenage angst is gone, as if the sky turned yellow, the sun blue and my fears have all vanished and all that’s left is pieces of clouds melting in my brain.

- I love it. Thank you, I will visit her today.

She is also 18 years older. As soon as she saw me, she frowned looking at my neck. I was proudly wearing the pendant.

- This is from me.

- Of course. My parents told me. Thank you. I love you!

- I love you, George. I am so happy to see you wearing it. 

She started sobbing. I hugged her. I miss her. 

She cooked me my favourite meal that day, steak with a sprinkle of thyme and oven cooked potatoes. She is looking at me while I'm eating. 

- I'm only looking at how big you got and I can’t believe it. How is volleyball going? 

Ten minutes later I help her clean the table while she makes coffee. We drink it together while we speak. I show her pictures of my trip to Rome while attempting to teach her how the touchscreen of my phone works. Then she tells me about how she remembers the first steps when I was little, and how I just stood up as if I was sick of crawling on her carpet. How I used to spin as a child just to get dizzy and she would hardly manage to stop me. As soon as she was leaving, I was starting to spin again, until I couldn’t reach for anything anymore. How I used to paint monsters with sharp teeth and triangular eyes, long tongues and spiky hair, until she taught me of the beauty of flying angels, the red flowers, and the beautiful people of the world. I listened to everything and felt like I'm learning to walk again.

Four years later, I am getting ready to go out with my friend. It was my last-minute plan that he agreed on. My pendant and necklace are always around my neck. I sleep with them, shower with them, live with them. They jump together with me as I dance to the loud music played on my portable speaker. They are a part of my body. Part of my soul. 

I am taking sips of cheap gin and tonic while putting on a white shirt. I always leave the last three buttons from the collar open, and the pendant always shines through the darkness, and I shine together with them, and nothing can hurt me, because I love, I am being loved, and I am so, so proud to show it. I wish everyone could love and be loved as much as I do, and the world would be a lovelier place. It already is quite nice.

My friend and I are out, drunk, happy, sad, we get philosophical, angry, and then happy again. We found a small club with purple lights and an 80's disco ball hanging from the ceiling on the side of the room. People dance to 120 BPM songs, and all of our hearts become one. But when the disco ball stops spinning, it's time to go home.

We get outside and realize that in order to get home, my friend and I must take buses from different stops.

- We'll meet again tomorrow, he says.

- I'll text you when I wake up and let you know how I feel. If we meet up again, we won't even have to drink anymore. We'll still be drunk.

He laughed.

We split and I find my bus stop. The bus should be here any moment now. It's 04:13. I am still shining.

A guy stops in front of me. I analyse him. Short, concerned small eyes, puffer jacket. He smiles and we shake hands. He puts his palm behind my neck and keeps it there. Something is wrong. He is not friendly. This is weird. I tell him to back off. "It's okay" he keeps repeating.

He hugs me. I push him away. I thought he was going to come back and confront me, but he didn’t. He just turned around and left, walking past the corner of the street. Something is not right. 

I instinctively put my hand around my neck. Can't feel anything, but at the same time I feel everything. It's not here. My pendant is not here! Where is my necklace?! It's not here!!!

I run to the corner of the street. Cannot see him. I run around looking for him. He disappeared. He's gone, he took my shine away, but he doesn't shine. I would've already found him if he did. 

I return to the station and look on the pavement around the bus station, desperately searching for it. The bus is long gone too. I am going back and forth, left, right, and across. My grandmother’s image comes to my head. I'm scrutinizing every centimetre of everything I’ve been protected from all these years but kept stepping on without realising. Dust. Spit. Blood. Vomit. Rats. Broken bottles. No pendant. No necklace. No love...