Fresh Eyes

Fresh Eyes

I saw the light of the moon reflect into the water and all I could think about was jumping in. I wanted to escape, I wanted to feel something besides pain. Pain that was caused by someone who said they would never leave. George left, he left me. He said she was just a friend, I guess it was silly to believe him. He chose her over me, the one thing he said he would never do.

“You started without me?” Jake said as he looked down at me with a six pack in one hand.

I lifted up my beer to my lips as I tried to hold back tears. “You’re late.”

Jake put down his beer and sat beside me on the floating deck. “And you are always early.”  Jake took a beer out of the pack and popped it open. 

Jake, my best friend. The only man in my life that I could count on. Since we were ten we had been there for each other and now at the age of twenty five he came to sit next to me on the hardest night of my life.

I started to sob feeling today’s events weigh heavily on me and I stared at Jake who was looking right at me. “What am I going to do Jake?” I asked as my breathing quickened. “What am I going to do?”

Jake put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his body. “For now you’re going to let me hold you.”

As I sat there in Jake’s arms my thoughts grew quiet. This whole day seemed like a bad dream that I wanted to wake up from. Now being in Jake’s arms I realized my life would never be like it was yesterday and I had to move on.

The next day.

I woke up with the worst pain in my head I had ever experienced and the sound of my apartment doorbell buzzing didn’t help the pain. As I rose up my head started to spin. I began to question why I drank so much, it was a stupid decision to think that drinking would make me less sad. 

“I’m coming, hold on.” I moved slowly to my door, knowing very well who was on the other side.

“It’s about time, your coffee is lukewarm.” Jake said as he handed me the coffee and closed the door behind him.

“Thanks!” I instantly started drinking my coffee and made my way to my couch.

“We are going out today. Get in the shower, you smell like a brewery.” Jake said as he plopped on the couch next to me.

“You drank last night, why aren’t you in agony like me?” I said as I placed my hand on my forehead.

“Well when you were finished with your six beers you started drinking mine.” Jake raised his eyebrows and smiled.

“I’m a terrible person.” I closed my eyes as the light in the room grew in intensity.

“I wouldn’t use the word, “terrible ``''. Jake looked straight forward as he avoided looking at me.

I nudged his shoulder as I often did when he was being mean then threw a throw pillow at him as I stood up. “I’m going to wash the brewery off of me.”

…

“I’ll take a Bloody Mary, please.” I said to the waitress as Jake from across the table shook his head.

“I’ll have water, thank you.” Jake smiled his million dollar smile her way.

“I’m sorry I’m a mess, Jake.” I held my head down to avoid crying in front of him.

Jake reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Hey, you have every right to be a mess. George is an asshole, he’s always been. If you just listened to me two years ago…”

“I wish I could go back in time and not have gone on that date with him. I hate him so much.” I started sobbing as memories of George played in my brain.

The waitress came by and placed the drinks on the table as she stared a hole through me. I tried my best to stop crying but holding it in only made my crying more explosive.

“She’s just really thirsty.” Jake said to the the waitress as she walked away.

I couldn’t help but chuckle in the middle of my tears. Jake has always been great at making me laugh, especially at times when all I wanted to do was cry. “Please change the subject, tell me something good and exciting.”

Jake stirred his water with his straw. “I started seeing someone and I really like her.”

“Oh, that’s great. Are you finally going to settle down?” I asked as I sipped my Bloody Mary.

“You know, she’s different from the girls I have dated. She has her life together, which is so refreshing.” Jake's eyes brightened with excitement.

I started feeling a ping of jealousy go off inside of me as Jake talked about his new girlfriend. Jake has dated many girls and I firsthand got to hang out with all of them, most of them were a mess or dumb, but Jake never seemed to be excited as he was now. “I would love to meet her, so I can give my best friend a seal of approval.”

Jake smiled. “Okay. That would be great as long as you don’t tell her about the time I puked at the 7th grade dance.”

I laughed at the memory of Jake puking while slow dancing with Vicky Victors. “The pressure of dancing with a cheerleader was just too much for you.”

Jake smiled. “Please don’t tell Samantha that story, she will never look at me the same way.”

“ “Samantha” what a proper name.” I smirked.

“Be nice. She could be my future wife one day.”

Jake took a drink of water and shrugged thinking of the possibility.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” I took a bite of my celery and smiled.

…

Well now I have seen everything, a year after Jake told me about Samantha he got down on one knee and proposed to her. My best friend is engaged to the most uncomplicated girl I have ever met, and as for me I have not dated since George left me.  I watched my best friend dance with his fiancé looking like he just won the lottery, and though I should feel happy for Jake I felt like he was slowly disappearing from my life, the one man I could count on. I gave my approval of Samantha, saying to Jake I couldn’t find anything wrong with her, besides the fact every time I talked to Jake she would hijack the conversation. 

Jake looked over at me from across the room and smiled. I put on a happy face for him even though inside I was crying about eventually losing him. 

Jake wrapped me in his arms with Samantha standing silently behind him. 

“Congratulations! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this!” I said knowing very well I haven’t had a one on one conversation with Jake since I met Samantha.

Jake unwrapped his arms and looked at Samantha. “I wanted it to be a surprise.” Jake smiled as he wrapped his arm around Samantha’s waist and faced me. “I have a question to ask you too. Will you be my best man or should I say best woman?”

I raised my eyebrows in complete shock that Samantha would let this happen. “Of course. Yes!”

Jake smiled even bigger. “Thank you, Rox. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

…

“So did you like your bachelor party?” I stumbled next to Jake as I walked on the pier next to him.

“It was great. I have never seen Peter and Mark drink like that.” Jake smiled wide.

“Well I happen to be a great convincer.” I smiled, feeling proud of myself.

“I remember when you convinced me to try out for the football team..which turned out was a horrible idea.”

“How was I supposed to know that you couldn’t take a hit?” I nudged Jake while walking and my smile quickly turned to a frown. This was probably going to be the last time of just him and me. I was losing him and the thought made me break down.

Jake stopped walking and turned to face me. “Why are you crying, Roxanne?”

I turned my face away. “I’m just sad about losing you.”

“What do you mean? I’m not going anywhere.” Jake eyebrows moved closer together.

“You’re getting married! There won’t be an “us” anymore.” I wiped my cheeks with both of my hands.

Jake stood silent, knowing I was right. “I see.” Jake inhaled. “Let’s enjoy tonight together, just us and not think about the future.” Jake wrapped his arm around me and led me to the beach.

“You know I wouldn’t have moved here two years ago if it weren’t for you.” Jake said to me as our toes hit the sand. “When you moved away, I felt like my whole world turned dark and I couldn’t go another year without seeing you.”

I looked at Jake who looked as if he was blushing. “Why have you never told me this?”

“I was going to my first night here, but you went out on a date with George and afterwards all you talked about was him so I put it behind me.” Jake stopped and sat down in the sand. “I guess I’m just always late.”

I sat down in the sand next to Jake and inhaled. “You know when we first met I went home and told my mother I was going to marry you one day. I said I found the nicest boy and I would be stupid if I didn’t marry you. She thought I was crazy.” I laughed thinking of the memory. “Of course the next day you had me give a note to Fiona Cooper to see if she would be your girlfriend so I put my dream in the trash can along with the note. I guess I’m always early.” I looked at Jake who had a serious look on his face and I realized in that moment that I had let the most perfect man I have ever met slip through my fingers. I have loved him for sixteen years and just now realized as I sat next to him I was in love with him.”

Jake bit his lower lip as he stared at my lips and all I wanted was him to kiss me. I knew he was getting married in two days and that it was wrong, but I never wanted anything more in my life. “Jake I…,” I started to lean in and Jake turned his head away. “I need to go home, the sun is about to come up.” Jake rose from the sand and let out a sigh as I stood up next to him.

The night before the wedding.

I haven’t talked to Jake since that night on the beach and tomorrow I will be standing next to him as he says “I do” to Samantha. My heart breaks thinking about that moment. I want a time machine, I want to kiss my best friend forever. I felt tears prick my eyes and suddenly my doorbell rang. I hoped it was Jake, I hoped he had forgotten everything so we can be best friends again. I needed Jake in my life and I never realized how much until I was about to lose him. As I opened my door, I took a deep breath praying it was him.

“Hey.” Jake said with a half smile.

“Hey, I’m so sorry about that night. I should have kept my mouth closed.” I avoided eye contact as my whole body shook in front of him.

“I called off the wedding. I can’t marry Samantha.” Jake shook his head. “I hate hurting her, but I realized the one girl I always wanted was the one girl I can’t live without.” Jake walked toward me and cupped my face into his hands. “I always wanted to do this.” Jake kissed me, he kissed me hard and soft all at the same time and my life will never be the same, it will be better because I’m in love with my best friend.

-CJ Kennedy