The Disaster Day

Before the disaster

Ellen

About six am, I automatically went to Sabrina's bed to wake her up like always but she wasn't there. Silly me, of course, she won't be. She already went to her hometown. I sat there thinking how the morning felt weird without her yelling at me for waking her up. My best friend wasn't a morning person. 

I was lost in my thoughts when suddenly I remembered why I woke up this early. I run to Helen's room, knocking on the door, I heard a few huffed sounds before the door opens revealing my third roommate-best friend. "Good morning, what time is it?" she asked yawning.

"Morning sunshine, it's six, we need to get ready fast. We don't want to be late" I said grinning.

Half an hour later, I was in the kitchen drinking coffee and thinking about today. We just finished our exams, after a few tiring weeks. I was supposed to be home but I had to postpone it because the G club members –including Helen and myself- decided to spend this day together at the beach.

"The guys are already waiting outside. Are you ready?" said Helen who looked breathtaking. Helen was this beautiful yet nice girl. She was the first one of the girls I met-the first week in university- and we have been friends since then. After we met Sabrina and Abby and Boom…the four of us became inseparable. 

Helen

"Good morning, what time is it?" I asked yawning with my eyes closed.

 "Morning sunshine, it's six, we need to get ready fast. We don't want to be late" Ellen answered cheerfully and went. 

Today is important, Ben -our club's ex-president - is coming. This year, he's going to graduate so I won't get to see him anymore. Not that we are seeing each other. No, I hope someday we will but now it's just me falling for him. I am not that kind of girl who would be in a one-sided relationship but with Ben it just happened. He's always in my mind, if I don't think about him, I find myself thinking about how I should not think about him. I have never liked anyone this way but he is special. It has been two years already and I can't stop feeling like this.

After making sure everything is perfect, I found Ellen in the kitchen, lost in her thoughts which became a habit of hers lately. It has been pretty obvious that a certain someone was occupying her mind but when I say something about it, denial is all I get.  

""The guys are already waiting outside. Are you ready?" I said and saw her came back to reality.

The disaster

Ellen

The bus ride was only an hour so I spent it talking with Helen. She was a bit sad because Ben called and said he would be late. So here I am talking as much as I can so I can to keep her mind off of him. I needed Sabrina and Abbey with me here but sadly they chose to join another club at the beginning of the year.

 I was so focused on her until I felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked up and Sam was smiling. He was smiling at me, that's a natural thing. He's basically always smiling so why is my heart beating fast? Why do I feel that my breath is heavier? Why suddenly everyone on this bus doesn't matter anymore? I kept stealing glances at him. He's talking to Hans. Once in a while, he looks my way and give one of those breathtaking goofy smiles. I wish I can hug him. I always wondered how it would feel.

"I think he feels the same way". Helen said while giving the look.

"Yeah and that would be nothing, I told you girls a thousand times I don't like him". I feel nothing, it's a stupid crush that will vanish soon. I know myself too well. In a few weeks, everything this stupid nothing I feel won't exist anymore. Helen was going to argue more but thank god the bus stopped saving me.

I was enchanted by the beautiful scenery of the waves dancing along with the see, when I heard Sam's voice. He was dancing and singing along with backstreet boys. I started filming it wanting to keep memories. Seeing me doing that, his dance moves became weirder and he sang louder if that's even possible, all that while grinning like an idiot, my idiot. I found myself grinning like a fool too. He was the president of the club yet sometimes he can be as childish as a five-year-old and that's what I like about him.NO stop, I mentally slapped myself. I can't do this, not him. Whenever I like someone, I always end up hurting them in an attempt to protect myself. That's why I should stay away from Sam.

I put back my phone and looked around searching for a distraction. There was Helen, I waved her way but she was too busy ogling Ben to notice me. I never understood how she fell for him. Sure, he's a nice guy, he's our ex-president, Sam's best friend and someone we all look up to. But the thing is my Helen is a sweet and innocent person while he's not. I don't want her to get hurt. She doesn't deserve that.

A few hours later, we started preparing the lunch we brought. We found this place which seemed like a beach diner but because we were there in February it was closed. So we decide to stay and eat.

I was cutting tomatoes when Helen said "did you see how Ben was looking?"

"I didn't see anything, what's wrong with Mr. Perfect now?" I said sighting.

"I don't know, he just came, looked here and there with this unusual expression, and then went." There was concern in her voice.

"Maybe he came to check ..." I didn't get to finish my sentence because all of a sudden, Ben was telling everyone to gather and make a circle in the middle. He seemed kind of persistent so we did what he said. Then, he came holding a flower bouquet, and before I know it, he was on one knee in front of me.

 "I am here today to confess the love I have for you" he started. Everyone was laughing so I laughed too. I thought it was a joke, they pull pranks on each other sometimes and I thought it's my turn today. He continued "since the first day I saw you I knew we were made for each other, that day you were asking about the club, I was so busy looking at those big brown eyes of yours that I didn't know what to say… ".

 He kept talking but I didn't hear. Something wasn't right, the atmosphere turned heavier suddenly, Ben looked serious and… hopeful. Helen had a forced smile on her face, she was making a video and cheering with the others while I swear I can see tears in her eyes. I don't know what broke my heart the most, Helen or Sam who was standing there, smiling. It didn't bother him that someone else was confessing to me. I meant nothing to him and that thought made me want to cry.

Helen

The bus ride wasn't as I expected it. I was hoping to sit next to Ben. But sadly he said he'll meet us there. Not that I am complaining, Ellen is a great company. She can talk a lot when she wants to. But I know she's just trying to make me feel better. 

Suddenly, she went quiet. Turning around, I found her staring at Sam's direction. She always denies it. But I know, she is in too deep. Her behavior around him makes it obvious... I think that she is too scared to admit what she feels for him. She always says that she's bravest but the truth, she is just a little girl who doesn't want to get hurt.

I sighed and told her "I think he feels the same way". 

"Yeah and that would be nothing, I told you girls a thousand times I don't like him". That was her quick reply as usual. The moment I opened my mouth to answer, the bus stopped and she took that chance to run down.

I was sitting on the sand watching the football match when I saw a figure coming our way. With his usual smirk and emerald green eyes, there was Ben, the love of my life. After saying hi to everyone, he joined the match. As I watched him play, I couldn't help but think about the fact that I am not going to see him at the university anymore. It breaks my heart. I don't know how I am going to survive there without my daily dose of him. Sometimes, I think I should just tell him how I feel and get through with it.

By lunchtime, I was helping Ellen with the salad when out of nowhere Ben came, looked at us with this weird face, and then left. Just like that. He didn't even notice me staring at him confused. I asked Ellen about it but she was so engulfed in her own thoughts to even notice him. Before I can think more of it, Ben's voice came telling everyone to gather in the middle. We stood there confused. No one seemed to know what's happening.

In few seconds Ben came holding flowers and kneeling in front of Ellen, saying "I am here today to confess the love I have for you". The girls were clapping, the boys cheering him, she was forcing a smile and he was looking at her with hopeful eyes. As for me, I found myself making a video and cheering with the others.

With every word he says, my heart breaks more. Tears threatening to fall down. My legs can't hold me anymore. My hands are shaking. I can't breathe and everything around me is foggy. I want to get away from here, I want to be alone. 

After the disaster

Ellen

Ben asked me if I accept his feelings. I wanted to tell him that he is stupid, that this is a mistake and that he fell for the wrong girl. But I couldn't do that, I couldn't reject him harshly and embarrass him. So I just said "stand up, you are going to hurt your knees this way." 

Helen was sitting away pretending to talk on the phone but I know it's her way to stay alone. I went her way feeling ashamed with myself. "I am really sorry, I swear I didn't know" 

"It's okay, you don't need to apologize. You had nothing to do with that" she said while wiping away tears.

"It must be a joke or a mistake or anything but this, Ben doesn't like me. We know that" there must be something wrong because the whole situation is absurd.

"Let's not talk about it here, please" she couldn't even look at me. I was the reason for her pain and the sight of me was unbearable …

The moment we set foot in the house, I went straight to my room and closed the door. I know it's my fault. I just don't know when exactly did I do wrong, what made him think I like him. I hate him. He's stupid, one wrong move and he messed the lives of the three of us: His, Helen's, and mine. I don't think that now Sam will even consider liking me because of Ben's feelings.

I called Sabrina and told her everything. To say she was shocked would be an underestimation. After a long talk, she told me that I shouldn't leave Helen alone, it will only make things worse. And then Abby called, she too said that I should just sleep in hers and Helen's room tonight. Maybe if we talked we can figure something out. I was too tired because of this day, so I just grabbed my pillow and went to the other room.

Helen wasn't there so I sat on the bed waiting for her.

 "I am going to sleep here tonight, if that's okay" I asked the moment she came in. She nodded and then looked away trying to hide her red and puffy eyes.

"I am so sorry," I said after seconds of silence

"For what? ". she looked like she didn't have a clue about what I was talking about.

"For what he did today, I am really sorry. I hate being the reason of..."

"Silly you" she laughed sadly "I'm not crying because of you or even Ben, neither of you did wrong. He didn't like me that's it. We can't control his feelings."

 "Helen.." I tried to say

"Don't worry, I'll be fine in a few days." With her saying that, I hugged her, Kept holding her for few seconds trying to fight my tears back. She was so good, she didn't deserve this.

"Of course you will, you're one of the strongest girls I know." She smiled and hugged me back. "I will call him tomorrow and tell him that I don't feel the same way" I added

"No, don't do that just because of me. He didn't do anything wrong he just fell in love the same way I did but with a different person," she said with some tears in her eyes. And my guilt increased.

""I will never consider him more than a friend." I said firmly and She silently nodded and said "come on, it has been a long day. Lets' sleep for now. Good night" With that she turned off the lights.

Lying down in my bed, my heart ached a lot. I know Helen said it's alright but I couldn't help but to feel guilty. I need to make it clear to ben tomorrow that he have no place in my life. I already lost Sam because of him, I can't lose her too. With that thought in mind, I drifted into sleep hoping for everything to be better tomorrow.

Helen

He asked her if she would accept him. I couldn't take it anymore so I held my phone to my ear pretending to be talking and walked away. 

I don't know what to do or how should I act. I just want to go home. It's like my heart breaking took all the energy out of me. I don't have enough power in my body to even fake a smile. I don't know how I was this stupid, how I didn't see that it was always her. How could I be that blind?

"I am really sorry, I swear I didn't know" Ellen said with guilt lacing her voice.

"It's okay, you don't need to apologize. You had nothing to do with that" it was difficult to wipe these tears of my face. She started rambling something about how this is wrong and I really couldn't handle anymore. I can feel the tears falling harder.

"Let's not talk about it here, please" I snapped while looking down. I don't want her to see me at this state. I spent the next few hours reminding myself that I should stay strong. No one should know how broken I am. 

Once at home, Ellen locked herself in her room. As for me I needed to get rid of this feeling. It's like a huge stone on my chest making me unable to breathe. I headed to the kitchen, there was a mess everywhere. After putting a song I started cleaning. At first, few tears were falling but by the time I was almost done I found myself crying hard. Thank god, the sobs couldn't be heard over the loud music.

When I went to my room after, I found Ellen sitting on Abby's bed. "I am going to sleep here tonight, if that's okay" she said with a worried expression. I nodded and looked away. I don't want her to see me this way.

"I am so sorry" she broke the silence after a while. I don't understand. Why is she apologizing for? 

"For what? "I asked.

"For what he did today, I am really sorry. I hate being the reason for…"

"Silly you, I'm not crying because of you or even Ben, neither of you did wrong. He didn't like me that's it. We can't control his feelings." I forced a laugh while saying that. She thinks I'm angry at her, that' why she didn't approach me since I snapped at her. 

"Helen ..." 

"Don't worry, I'll be fine in a few days." She kept looking at me and then all of a sudden she hugged tightly.

"Of course you will, you're one of the strongest girls I know." Then she added "I will call him tomorrow and tell him that I don't feel the same way"

"No, don't do that just because of me. He didn't do anything wrong he just fell in love the same way I did but with a different person." I told her honestly feeling the tears coming back to my eyes.

"I will never consider him more than a friend." I silently nodded and then told her good night. I needed to turn off the lights so she won't see the tears streaming down my face. 

I put my hand on my mouth and cried. I will let myself off today, I will cry as much as I want but that's it. Tomorrow is going to be a new day with no Ben, I promise myself this is the last time I cry over him. all my feelings for him will be wiped away and never to be mentioned again. And with that promise, I closed my eyes wishing I can forget everything.