June 1

Sometimes it's hard to think that my life will ever go anywhere. I wake up every morning in my bed, in my crappy apartment and do the same thing over and over again. It's been horrible. I look at my phone, 3:02 am June 1st 2022. I am only 24 but I feel as though I've been stuck for millions of years. I try to tell people this but they always say that it'll get better. Well guess what! It hasn't! I'm honestly so tired of everything. I get ready like I do everyday. I look at the guitar sitting in the corner of my room, it's been ages since I last played but really it was just yesterday.

"Later."

3:35, time to get to work. I hop in my car as I do everyday. I turn on the radio and hum along to the songs that have become obnoxious over how many times I've heard them. It's better than sitting in silence. There is going to be traffic on the freeway. It's clear on the side roads. I take the side roads, they're clear. I try to enjoy the scenery but like everything else it has become boring and predictable. Maybe today I'll do something after work to get me out of this slump. Maybe not. I arrive at work just as I do everyday. 

4:00 am.

"Hey Elijah."

The same greeting I get from her every day.

"Hey Lizz."

We start as we do every day by setting up the coffee brewers. Then we make sure the night crew restocked everything. I know for a fact they did not so I just started restocking.

"You'll never guess what happened."

"Hmm."

"I found a new computer on sale."

"Oh?"

"Yeah! 50 bucks! The owner said that it has a small error but it doesn't mess with the workings and stuff."

"Cool, why don't you work the register and I'll make stuff."

4:30 am, opening time. 

4:49 am. As always the first ones in were a couple I think their names are Sam and Axle Heart. They always seem happy, I wish I had that. I start making two 24 ounce dirty chi's. They haven't even ordered yet but it's what they order every day. I finish their order they haven't placed yet. I was bored so I decided to draw a little bird on one and a kite on the other. I’ve never done that before, it was refreshing. They place their order, pay and I hand them their dirty chi's. They look shocked. No thanks? Oh, well. I walk back to my station.

5:07 am. Our second pair of customers, identical twins. They order caramel cappuccinos every day. I haven't talked with them yet. I think Lizz said they are named Oleander and Azalea; I'm not sure which is which. One of them never talks. I drew smiley faces on the cups because they seem sad. They place their order, pay and I hand it to them right after. I make sure to smile, one smiles back and the other just looks at her cup. They walk away and I watch the quiet one tap her sister and point at the smiley face on her cup. What's crazy is that she smiled! Who knew, I'm stuck but things still surprise me. Maybe tomorrow I'll try talking to her.  

7:53 am. Quite a few customers came in at the same time, just as they do everyday. I know all their orders but they are basic and I don’t care to learn their names; or what they are doing, or their personality. I’ll tell you one thing, they're nondescript. The rest of the day came and went quickly although definitely not for Lizz, the customers were obnoxious and had complicated orders. I already knew what they'd order because they order it everyday. Lizz of course could never remember. 

12:00 pm. time to close for the day. We wipe everything down, close down the brewers, sweep, mop and lock the doors. 

1:00 pm. We can leave. I get in my car and turn on the radio. I don’t know what I'm gonna do for the rest of the day. I sit there and I listen to the mundane songs on the radio. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what to do, nothing ever changes, nothing ever goes anywhere. I’m so sick of it, of everything. 

1:37 pm. I start the car and I head to the freeway. I know what is going to happen. I started on to it and just keep going. I'm going back to my apartment. 

1:47 pm. A car wreck. I feel a stabbing pain in my side. It’s so hard to breathe, I cough up blood. It’s fading in and out. I close my eyes. 

.

.

.

I wake up in my bed, in my crappy apartment. I look at my phone, 3:02 am June 1st 2020.

3:35 am, time to get to work.

4:00 am.

"Hey Elijah."

4:30 am, opening time. 

4:49 am. I start making two 24 ounce dirty chi's.

5:07 am. Our second pair of customers, identical twins. I don’t talk to them today, I don't draw, they don't smile.

7:53 am. The nondescript people.

12:00 pm. time to close for the day.

1:00 pm. We can leave. Once again I’m in my car. How do I end my day? Do I crash on the freeway? Drown at the beach? Get shot at the store? Get strangled at the bar? Fall from the top of a building? How do I die today? How do I choose to die? That is the only dilemma I have. How do I die today just to wake up all over again in the same crappy apartment? I'm sick of it. Maybe I'll kill myself today! Maybe I'll jump or shoot or hang myself! How about that? I'm so sick of it! No, I don't do anything. I just sit here. I just freaking sit here and do nothing. I watch the minutes go by.

1:47 pm. I die of a stroke. 

.

.

.

I wake up in my bed, in my crappy apartment. I look at my phone, 3:02 am June 1st 2022.