FAIR WARNING

Wednesday. 5:55 AM.

I went to bed early last night and woke up late. (Melatonin)But this is the real reason I went to bed early: I finished up with some reading. Lmao. I’m done. Literally. I finished up a story. A story that is not yet finished. Fifty thousand plus words. I read it. From beginning, to end. Amy is proud. Of herself, for following through. I can’t say the same for others. Does anybody see it besides me??

Doubtful.

So what does she do about this? There is a song by Melissa Ethridge. It is called The Letting Go. People change.

Wow.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I do it, different. I read, after I follow. I will follow someone before I read their stuff. Lol. Read their stuff. Fuck. What a battle. I try guys. I do. I really do. But some days…

I do not trust the human race.

(Most days)

Some days, I want someone to finish this for me because I do not want to do this anymore. I wonder what it would be like if I handed over the reins to another, a different, soul. See what they could do with it. Hmmm. I wonder…

I wonder if it would be easier to have AI write this.

Yeah…

That way I wouldn’t have to.

It would be much simpler to get to 3,000 words. If anything needs to be simplified, it is this. But would it be real? That is the question. To have real, you have to have those things called emotions. Can AI feel? Can AI show that in, its' works?

I woke up on the couch at 10:30 PM. I fell asleep on the couch sometime between 7:30 or 8. It was during Jeopardy. Yep. She grabbed an English muffin and sat in front of the television. And fell asleep. Typical. But it felt good. She hasn’t watched any, tv of lately. Maybe this is the universe telling her it is time. The Letting Go…

Shit. The Young and the Restless?

Not a clue.

That part of her life she believes, is over.

Lol.

That part of her life began with her mom. Yep. Her mom is who got her into Y & R. Way…

Back when.

Years ago.

I’m actually scared to look. See who’s changed. See who’s gone. See who is now…dead. (for the moment)

Diamond is asleep on the chair.

She is dreaming…

Eyelids twitching, feet running in place.

Cute-cute.

Today Amy begins the prep for the colonoscopy she is having done tomorrow. The thought of it makes her nauseous. She should be used to this by now though. Number three in three years. I hope this is it. I'm so tired of my health. Tired of wondering…

Tired of worrying.

This will be over soon.

Maybe.

Idk yet.

I am talking to A DR. S, today. My new therapist. I have a hot topic. TRUST.

Am I told too old to want it? At this age shouldn’t I have it? You’d, think.

I expect it. That’s a problem.

I’m bummed. I want out.

So…

Thank you for the moment.

She’s done.

Fuck you.

She’s cold today.

Literally.

3:59 AM.

Cats in the cradle…

No food today. That’s good because I am not hungry. The thought of a colonoscopy in 24 hours is not very appetizing. I will probably get hungry later. I’m sure.

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT???

I’M FROZEN.

Solid.

Life…

It’s so, suffocating. It’s hard to breathe. I don’t want help. Leave me here. I am okay here. Fucking A.

Go away now!

Please?

Because it happened once again. This time, by a stranger. We will call this person Tammy, maybe. Stephen, maybe. It is so fresh I don’t know what words to use. I could use a lot right now, but I won’t. And probably never will. Thank you Tam.

You are… a fuck-head.

You threw up all over my computer. (Uninvited I might add) Fuck…

Now I have to clean your shit up.

DELETE.

Do I throw it in?

Yep.

I’m going to go through it with another comb, first though.

Maybe.

And then I am going to close it down. Find a spot for it, and let it go…

Gone.

For the moment.

Probably until I die.

Self-preservation.

Got, to have it.

I threw it out there. I can take it back. Dammit. I know it’s something inside of me.

I will just pack it up and put it away.

That is what she did today.

She did that after, her colonoscopy.

(Third in three).

Everything came back as normal. A simple procedure.

I will just never drink Gatorade by choice ever again. It could be 150 degree’s out. Nope.

When they got home she went back out to the car and grabbed the box that she didn’t want to look at anymore. She packed it up and put it away.

2:46 Am.

She is going to go to the Y later on this morning. It feels like it has been forever. When you go almost every day and you miss a few days, it feels like a long time.

Mentally, and muscular-ly.

She’s looking forward to going this morning. No going back to sleep, for her.

She really likes looking at her phone screen. She has her best, screen saver yet.

A field of daisies.

Her, daisies.

They’re dying off a little bit now, but they are still making it through.

Barely.

That’s what happens when the faucets aren’t on.

Bastards.

Saturday. 9AM.

Flow, yoga. Balancing on a chair. A better class today. Jason went too. In fact Amy was set up in front of him. She will never do that again. Stand in front of him, during a yoga class. He watches what she is doing. He notices what she is doing wrong.

He tells her the, right way to do it.

During class.

I wonder if the other women can hear him direct me. I sure hope not. They can probably hear me rolling my eyes though.

Today is a frustrating day. Last night was frustrating too. This morning she doesn’t want to feel that way. This morning she is going to change it all up. Just to see what it would be like...

The author reflects on their daily routine, including waking up early and finishing a story they have been working on. They express feelings of doubt and frustration about their writing and the human race. The author contemplates the idea of having someone else or AI complete their work. They share personal experiences, such as falling asleep while watching TV and preparing for a colonoscopy. The document includes moments of introspection and emotional struggle, with the author questioning their trust in others and their own abilities. The author mentions interactions with a therapist and the impact of their health on their daily life. There are references to past memories and connections with family, such as their mother introducing them to a TV show. The document ends with the author expressing a desire to let go and move on from certain aspects of their life.

They, they, they?

Their?

Their?

Their?

Who, and where are these people?

Reading and Writing: The author finds solace in reading and writing. They mention finishing a story and reading it from beginning to end, which gives them a sense of accomplishment. Despite their doubts, they continue to engage in these activities as a way to cope with their feelings.

Yes.

Music: The author references a song by Melissa Ethridge called "The Letting Go," which seems to resonate with their feelings and experiences. Music appears to be a source of comfort and reflection for them.

Yes.

Sleep and Rest: The author mentions falling asleep on the couch while watching TV, which indicates that they use sleep as a way to escape and recharge. They also express the importance of rest in their routine.

This is wrong. Lol. All of it.

Therapy: The author talks about their interactions with a therapist and discusses the topic of trust during their sessions. Therapy seems to be a crucial part of their coping strategy, helping them navigate their emotional struggles.

Yep. She is getting straightened out.

Physical Activity: The author mentions going to the Y for yoga and other physical activities. Engaging in exercise appears to be a way for them to manage stress and improve their mental well-being.

Who is them? and...

Their

Very important.

Keep the train moving.

I know i have confused everyone one of my readers, but AI too?

Fuck.

Letting Go: The author expresses a desire to let go of certain aspects of their life and move on. This mindset of letting go and self-preservation is a significant coping mechanism for them.

She needs to hold on to something because if she doesn’t, she will sink.

Connection with Family: The author reflects on past memories and connections with their family, such as their mother introducing them to a TV show. These memories provide a sense of comfort and nostalgia.

Comfort maybe. Nostalgia not so much.

Overall, the author's coping mechanisms include reading and writing, music, sleep and rest, therapy, physical activity, letting go, and connection with family. These strategies help them manage their emotional struggles and navigate their daily life. The author expresses feelings of doubt and frustration about their writing and the human race. They mention finishing a story but feeling uncertain about its reception, stating, "Does anybody see it besides me?? Doubtful”. This reflects a sense of isolation and lack of confidence in their work. The author also contemplates the idea of having someone else or AI complete their work, indicating a desire to escape the burden of writing: "Some days, I want someone to finish this for me because I do not want to do this anymore”. They wonder if AI can truly capture emotions in its work, questioning the authenticity of AI-generated content.

Personal experiences add to their emotional struggles, such as falling asleep while watching TV and preparing for a colonoscopy. The thought of the colonoscopy makes them nauseous, and they express being tired of their health issues. They also mention interactions with a therapist and the impact of their health on their daily life. Moments of introspection and emotional struggle are evident, with the author questioning their trust in others and their own abilities: "I do not trust the human race. Most days”. They express a desire to let go and move on from certain aspects of their life.

The document includes references to past memories and connections with family, such as their mother introducing them to a TV show. This adds a layer of nostalgia and emotional complexity to their struggles. Overall, the author's emotional struggles are multifaceted, involving doubt, frustration, health issues, introspection, and a desire for change and trust.

Here are some examples of the author's use of music from the document:

The author references a song by Melissa Ethridge called "The Letting Go," which seems to resonate with their feelings and experiences. This song appears to be a source of comfort and reflection for them.

The author mentions waking up on the couch at 10:30 PM after falling asleep while watching TV. They note that it was during "Jeopardy," and they reflect on the experience with a sense of typicality and comfort.

These instances show how music and TV play a role in the author's life, providing moments of solace and familiarity. Not, watching TV plays more of a role in her daily life. Okay.

This is what I pulled from copilot.

Very clinical.

It’s a lot to take in. It’s more for the reader and not the writer. I wonder if the readers will get that. Can AI generate emotion? No. I don’t think so. Maybe for a robot.

What do I do with this??

When does it stop?

It can always be different.

Fu-uck. There is no mistake.

How real is that?

A million different ways.

I am the pilot. What I say goes.

Or, not?

Sure.

It is good for grammar. Outlining. But I want you to feel what I feel. That way there will hopefully be no more misunderstanding.

Do you, see a difference?

I do.

There is no tone. A boring, straight to the subject, list of points. No emotion.

This is what I got from my short, but first experience with AI. i don’t want to find out what more it can do. Wtf?? The computer can’t think for me. Can it?? War games…

Do you want to play a game?

That is what is going to happen.

Aaron called…

We talked politics. We talked how it is all turning to shit. About how we are now going to send long-range missiles to the Ukraine. LMAO. Hey Putin, ninny-ninny boo-boo! Omg…I dare you.

Fucking A, it’s beginning. Hello WWIII.

Hello…

Joshua.

I sure hope not. But I do not see any other alternative other than war. AI is just going to make it easier to do so. Enter...

Enter.

Easy-peasy.

It will be quick, the killing of our universe.