" HEART TO HEART "

Love is the best lesson of all. Nine year old Kara wouldn't let her BFF go through this particular unpleasantness of cancer alone. Katina was losing her hair again due to the return of leukemia. She and her best friend both had long brown hair they had enjoyed styling together since first grade. It was during that time frame they became best friends forever.

Katina had been cancer free for one year. Kara wouldn't let Katina go through this again without supporting her by having her head shaved. Five months ago, both girls had gone to New Image hair salon to have their hair french braided. Life seemed to be back to normal and that evening performing in matching colorfully flowered dresses at their violin recital had been fun. We joked about preparing for the next one coming up in the fall.

The lovely spring morning that Kara and Katina walked in arm in arm to Mrs. Henderson 's third grade classroom, they were directed to the principal's office. Miss Collins working bus duty had been instructed to direct them to the office to wait on their parents. Unbelievable, Kara was suspended, Katina was told to wear a head covering. Dress code violations, separated the girls for the first time since attending school.

Moms got the girls together in the evenings to pick out wigs,, from locks of love, using a Facebook account they shared the frustrations of the cancer returning, the happiness of spending the evenings doing homework and watching Disney movies. Suspension from school for going bald to support of a friend receiving cancer treatment. Her friend is very sick, holding her hand while she throws up makes Kara cry softly as tears trickle down her beautiful face Cancer is hell, and losing your hair is hard.

Kara demonstrates kindness and compassion at such a young age, shaving her head would get her noticed and make headlines. So moms and daughters when confronted with the strict dress code had to comply if they were to attend this school. The dress code tells us that females hair should be neatly combed or styled. No shaved heads. Hair accessories must be red, white, navy, black, or brown. Neat barrettes, headbands and " scrunchies " are permissible. Hair should not be arranged or colored so as to draw undue attention to the student. Hair must be natural looking and conservative in its color. Radical changes in hair color during the school year are unacceptable.

I have been a spectator, and while this seems to meet the needs of so many of the students. This dress code was created to promote safety, uniformity, and a non-distracting environment for the school's students. What is the most accurate path to follow? A path of tolerance, compassion, empathy, understanding or kindness. Kara was suspended from her school for shaving her head.

Now, Kara doesn't fit in with the school dress code, and Katina doesn't fit in by looking like everyone else. Katina would like to look like everyone else, kids that are not sick and don't have cancer. This is a lesson to us all. Must everyone struggle to look the same, even when they are sick, dying, going through issues that make them stand out in uncomfortable ways?

The struggles could not even be visible. Emotions could overwhelm a student in any number of ways. Strategies for success to make available emotional support for students. Make learning relevant. Emotional distress saps motivation and the desire to achieve. Put yourself in the right frame of mind, tomorrow is another day. Help students establish positive peer relationships. How for example, do you motivate a lazy child? One way is to explain to your child the reasons why they need to study, results in good grades and opportunities for good jobs. Parents may buy some educational books relevant to the age of your child. The material is not too easy or too hard, always learning something new. Help your child while they are studying, let them know you are always available if needed to help with something. Create a reward system. Buy some gold star stickers and print out a calendar of the month. Tell your child that you will give them a gold star for each day they study. When they they collect enough stars they will earn a special treat. Ideas for rewards include a day out, giving your child a favorite food, or to buy your child something they want.

Find the good and praise it. Show kindness and don't be rude. Lead by example, model respect and caring in your actions. Kids have a need to be understood. Students can benefit to positive messages. What if a child is shy or self-conscious? In the pressure on kids to look like and act like all the rest can compassion be taught? It may not reach each child in a deeply meaningful way, that may take time and eventually have an impact. Demonstrate compassion by modeling it, directly involving students will always have a deeper impact than anything else. Students could write a get well note to a classmate in the hospital or having cancer treatment. In the classroom index cards with affirmation messages can be placed in their desks, backpacks or at home. Read books about people that live a life different from our own, perhaps Helen Keller.

Students that may struggle with anxiety, self-esteem, or confidence. Building confidence in students can help them achieve their dreams and goals. Some ways to do this are: focus on the positive, only give constructive criticism, and encourage students to find things they like about themselves. Encourage curiosity and give them new challenges. Let the child do things for themselves do not do everything for them.

Awareness from Kara and Katina's moms persuaded the school counsel to reinstate Katina to return to school. Katina and Kara as they were able to return wore wigs of brown curls accepted by the modified dress codes. An after school group met weekly to listen to concerns and issues that were important to the students. The mothers involved became advocates to address and discuss emotional, mentally, or physically challenging problems and solutions. Love is the best lesson of all.