Healing cruise

-     Are you alright, miss?

The steward startled her.

-     Are you all right? He repeated his question. She smiled, nodded, and wished he would go away. 

He did not leave. He stayed with her, with his overfriendly face in his immaculate white uniform.

-     Is this your first cruise? He asked.

She nodded again.

-     I hope you´re not bored miss.

She turned her head towards him and said: I suppose the sea is made for poetry, free verse drifting.

-     And we are the poem drifting into the epic nature of the ocean. 

They both smiled.

-     I don´t know what I´m doing here. She spoke.

The steward studied her for a short moment and then said:

-     Well, there is a healing circle on board the ship.

She frowned her brows and asked: what makes you think I need healing? She sounded unfriendlier than she had intended. She smiled weakly by way of apology. 

-     I´ll take you there and introduce you. He said, follow me!

She hesitated.

-     What do you have to lose? He asked.

She followed him a few decks down, and finally, they came to a new age-decorated room. A woman appeared out of nowhere. The steward took his leave.

-     Come in and have a seat. The woman said in a velvety soft voice.

It was rather dark in the room.

-     What particular way do you need to be healed? The woman asked. Laila started to feel a little restless.

-     Just breathe and be yourself, there's nothing to be afraid of, baby. Just breathe. The woman said softly.

-     I'm now making some drawings above your head, to Evoque your ancestors.

Laila started to cough

-     My ancestors? She stammered; I think I'd rather not bother them.

The woman stopped drawing in mid-air and looked questioningly at Laila.

-     What an odd thing to say

Laila frantically searched for an excuse to get out of there.

-     You carry a lot of trauma with you, sweetie. The woman interrupted her train of thought

-     I believe you are deficient in vitamin C. She walked to a table in the room and fetched an orange.

-     Here baby, peel it and eat it.

-     I don't understand, said Laila

-     What is there not to understand? Peel the orange and eat it.

-     Is that part of the healing process, Laila asked cautiously.

-     Perhaps, the woman said dryly.

Laila started peeling the orange. The woman took each piece of husk and laid it on the floor around the stool on which Laila sat.

-     You have a sweet tooth, don´t you? the woman asked.

Laila laughed and a drop of the orange juice ran down her chin. She wiped it with the back of her hand.

-     Fruit will help your body to heal your body. The woman said.

-     My body? Laila asked surprised.

-     Your body. the woman repeated

Laila ate another slice of the orange.

-     I think it's time to heal yourself! the woman said

Laila began to feel uneasy again.

-     Don't worry honey. I don't have X-ray eyes to look through your soul.

The woman went back to the table where the fruit was and came back with a banana this time.

-     Peel it and give the peelings to me.

Laila did as the woman asked.

-     Eat sweetie, the woman said as she laid the peels on the floor between the orange peels.

-     You are bereft, are you not?

-     You see a lot madam, Laila said, wiping a tear from her face. I don't even know your name.

-     Myriam, my name is Myriam.

-     Isn't it time for cocktail hour, Laila said a little nervous.

-     So, it is. Myriam said, but you don't drink. I can get you a glass of water if you like. Unless of course, you want to leave.

Laila shrugged and shook her head.

-     I´m not very good at articulating things lately, she sobbed

-     You try to measure the depth of the puddle of pain you carry inside you. That´s where your vitamin deficiency comes from...

-     There are sadder stories than mine, Laila cried

-     You are gaslighting yourself, dear. Myriam replied. 

Myriam put her hand on Laila's shoulders:

-     There are ways to be wounded, ways to survive from those wounds, and ways to heal them.

-     That's why I booked this cruise. Laila looked at Myriam intensely. I never did a cruise trip. I thought it would be a good idea to clear my head out on the ocean. The sea is so beautiful! I can stare at it for hours.

Myriam got on her knees facing Laila, outside the circle of fruit peels she'd placed around Laila's stool. She looked lovingly at Laila.

-     Yes! the sea is enchanting.... mesmerizing. All that water.... a stark contrast to the fire in your head that keeps haunting you.

A jolt went through Laila.

-     Who are you?

Laila wanted to get up and leave. Myriam jumped up and took her by the hand

-     Honey wait! Laila roughly pulled her arm away.

-     Who are you? Laila asked again.

Myriam sighed and said softly:

-     Someone who can perceive what remains hidden from others. I mean you no harm. I just want to help you, please sit down. You can leave if you want to, but don't do so in anger.

Laila reluctantly set back down. Myrian gave her a handkerchief to wipe her tears.

-     I smell something stale, metallic. Laila said

Myriam nodded

-Pay no attention to it. it´s your body releasing toxins. You prefer the smell of peppermint candy, don't you? Myriam asked

Laila let her tears run freely.

-     Yes, she sobbed - Yes, I do. 

The two women sat and stared at each other for a few minutes, then Laila took a deep breath and said:

-     And peanut butter. I love the smell of peanut butter.

-     All they ever wanted was to be loved. Laila whispered. Myriam nodded:

-     - and you did just that. You loved them.

Laila started crying again:

-     Not enough to keep them alive.

-     And now, Myriam interrupted her; the depths of your being are filled with sorrow.

-     I am weak, don´t you see? I couldn´t save them if I …

-     You are anything but weak, Myriam interrupted her again

-     - they are dead nonetheless because I wasn´t brave enough to

Myriam raised her hands: 

-     Stop! Please stop! You wake up every morning to fight the demons that left you depleted the night before. That, darling, I call bravery! Those children lost their lives in the fire, and that´s a horrible horrible tragedy. But it is not your fault. You did what you could within the range of possibilities.

Tears kept streaming down Laila´s face.

-     You did your best child. And that is a good thing because it comes from “you”. It´s simply impossible that your best isn´t good enough. You remained true to your calling, and you did your best. Do not short circuit yourself. The greatest lessons for the soul tend to come from the most challenging and often sorrowful parts of our life. 

You must heal yourself by honoring those children who died in the fire. Integrate their legacy left to you. Nothing is ever truly gone or lost.

Look at the fruit you just ate. The orange you just ate will stay in your body for a day or to two maybe. It transforms into a series of fibers, sugars, and minerals. And even after that process, it´s not quite gone. The vitamin C, the potassium, and calcium embed in your bones and make them strongest against decay and even destruction.

Myriam touched Laila´s knee with her hand.

-     The fruit of whatever inside you, helps you heal. If you let it.

Laila felt a gush of wind go through her hair. She opened her eyes:

-     Myriam? she asked a bit dazed.

She looked around the room, thinking maybe she had stood up to go take another piece of fruit from the table. She was all alone. She walked around the room to look if there were doors in the room. She couldn´t find any. She stepped out of the room, but there was nobody there either.

-     Are you all right, miss? She heard a voice behind her say. A steward with an over-friendly face and an immaculate white uniform stood behind her.

-     There was a woman here. Where did she go?

The steward looked at her and said: Maybe she told you all that was to be said.

-     But I didn´t even thank her. Laila protested.

-     That´s quite all right miss. He smiled.

-     Let me walk you to the sunset deck. The sky is simply magnificent tonight!

Laila walked behind him. Her body filled with a strange sense of relief. The steward was right. The sky was indeed magnificent as the sun was setting.

Simply magnificent!