Gratitude Journal

Louise grumbled and hunched over her sterling wheel when traffic started to slow down. 

“It’s just a little rain,” she mumbled to herself, willing the cars to go faster. They didn’t. Louise frowned and continued to grumble. 

When she finally made it to her office, there was a full downpour in the city. She looked in the backseat and realized she had forgotten her umbrella. 

“Damn it!” she barked before pulling up the hood of her jacket and wobbling as quickly as she could inside the office building. Louise frowned when she saw Brenda was already sitting at the front desk. Brenda baffled her to no end: no one leading the kind of life Brenda was should be as happy as she always was. Every morning Brenda greeted her with a positive smile and well-wishes for the day. Louise truly couldn’t understand it and that made her annoyed. 

“Good morning, Louise!” Brenda’s smile was as big as ever as she went through her stack of files with a stapler. 

“What is good about it?” Louise mumbled. This did nothing to dampen Brenda. 

“Well you look lovely,” Brenda tried again. Louise shot her a glare. 

“I look drabby and it’s pouring outside so now I’m also wet,” Louise snarled. She disappeared into her office before Brenda could say anything else. Louise let out a breath of frustration and put her bag down once inside. She saw four new files with notes on her desk, but also a bright orange sticky note from her boss. She picked it up and read the message. 

Louise, please come see me when you get in. - John

Louise grumbled and wondered what could possibly be wrong. She tried to mentally go through all the work she had done recently and think of anything that could have been a problem. She also started going through excuses and defenses. After all, if there was a problem, it wasn’t her fault certainly. 

Louise knocked aggressively on the door and opened it when she heard her boss call from inside. He briefly glanced at her as she came in but continued writing. Louise felt annoyed that he would call her in but not immediately acknowledge her. She stomped over to the chair and flopped down on it, making as much noise as she possibly could. Still, her boss continued to write until he had finished. He closed the cap on the pen and interlaced his hands in front of her. He smiled warmly and Louise frowned. 

“Thank you for coming in Louise,” he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “The reason I wanted to talk to you was, I’ve been getting some complaints-”

“It can’t be about my work!” Louise objected instantly. She launched into the speech she had been preparing in her head about all the things she was worried he might complain about. Her boss listened quietly and his smile never dimmed. When she finished, she felt breathless and anxious. She had expected him to interrupt her or say something but he just let her ramble on. Now she felt a little stupid and upset with him for letting her go on like that. 

“Rest assured, it’s not about your work. You are a wonderful employee. You produce great work, that’s not the issue.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

Her boss’s smile weakened and he looked down away from her. 

“I’ve been getting complaints about your attitude. People say you are often angry or rude. I’ve heard them say that you are always snarky and short with everyone in the office. As I’ve said, you are a great employee. That’s why we are having this conversation. We need to try to find a way to make this a more pleasant work environment.” 

Louise felt appalled and offended. She felt she had always tried to be kind to people and nice. It wasn’t her fault if sometimes they were incompetent and got on her nerves. 

“I’m always nice to people. I’m always professional. Are you saying I’m not allowed to express my feelings if I’m occasionally upset or mad?” Louise argued, her voice growing louder than she intended. 

Her boss raised his eyebrows curiously. 

“Tell me, Louise. What makes you upset or mad? You say you are always nice to people but that’s not what I’m hearing. Where do you think the disconnect might be?” Her boss was kind and soft. There was nothing accusatory in his tone and yet Louise narrowed her eyes on him. She couldn’t help but feel like he was talking down to her and subtly accusing her of lying. 

“It makes me mad when people can’t do their job or turn in work on time. Then I have to stay late fixing it or waste my time telling them how to do it right. It makes me mad when Brenda starts off all cheery and smiley. I shouldn’t have to be so peppy and bubbly in order to be seen as nice and friendly.” Before she knew it Louise found herself rambling again and explaining to her boss every little thing that made her upset right down to the rain and her toaster being broken. She found, when she finished, that she felt a great sense of relief wash over her. She hadn’t realized she had been holding so much in. 

Her boss was still sitting quietly and listening. He never interrupted her or told her to stop. In fact but to her surprise when she had finished he said:

“I’m really sorry, Louise, that all sounds tough.” He paused for a moment and looked contemplative. “I wonder, however, if you might be willing to engage when an experiment for me?” 

Louise raised a curious eyebrow. A wild amount of thoughts raced through her head as she wondered what he could possibly want her to do. She watched as he pulled a fresh sheet of paper from his notepad and opened up his pen again. 

“Could you please tell me all the things you are grateful for?” he asked. Louise stared at him. He had caught her off guard. She tried to think, but after running through all the negative experiences she had been through - some of them just that day - her mind was drawing a blank. She crossed her arms definitely over her chest. 

“I’ve got nothing,” she mumbled. Her boss looked inquisitively at her. 

“Well, you’ve got a house that you live in with food and a bed, are you grateful for that?” he asked. Louise thought about it. She did like her house and it was paid off now. She never had to worry about being kicked out. Plus her little cat, Snickers was there, and he always cheered her up. She shrugged.

“Yeah, yes, okay I’m grateful for my house, food, my bed, and Snickers.” As she spoke she watched her boss write it all down. 

“What about this job? Do you like your job? Your paycheck? You get vacations at Christmas to go see your children,” her boss explained. Again, Louise thought about everything. Her house and her car were paid off so she had a nice nest egg with her money. She did like spoiling her grandchildren and going home for Christmas. 

“Yes, okay, I like my job, I am good at my job, I like getting a paycheck and going home for Christmas. I am grateful for my children and my grandchildren.” 

Suddenly, Louise found herself listing a great deal more things and her boss kept diligently writing them down. When she had finished, there were two full pages of things she was grateful for. 

“Now, here’s the experiment. I want you to post this up in your house somewhere, someplace you’ll have to look at it every day, and in a month, we’ll talk again.” 

“That’s it?” Louise asked, cocking her head. She had expected more of a disciplinary action or at least a conversation about her attitude. Her boss continued to smile. 

“That’s it.” 

Louise took the list from him and looked at it all day as she worked. She didn’t feel any different but she felt that everyone around her seemed to be doing better and getting their jobs done faster. She didn’t have to fix any mistakes by the end of the day and left on time.

When she went home and took the list and posted it up on her fridge. She moved everything else out of the way so the list was the centerpiece. Louise went about her evening and kind of forgot about the list. 

The next morning Louise got up and headed to the kitchen to make her usual breakfast. She was instantly disappointed and frustrated when she remembered her toaster was still broken. She moved to open the fridge and saw the list. 

It won’t be that hard to go to the store and get a new toaster this afternoon. She thought to herself. Louise then made herself some cereal and found her mood was lifted. 

Over the next few weeks, Louise found herself often looking at the list and adding to it, after finding new things to be grateful for. Her coworkers also seemed to be getting better and easier to work with. Even Brenda only seemed encouraging with her positive attitude. Louise was amazed at how much things had changed. 

When a month passed, she knocked quietly on her boss’s door. She walked in quietly and sat in the chair opposite him and waited while he finished sending out an email. She admired that he was also a hard worker and didn’t just sit in his office doing nothing all day. He would actually help them work and build everyone as a team. She found herself thinking he was truly a great boss and made a mental note to add it to her list. 

“Well, Louise, how are you feeling?” he asked. Louise smiled widely. 

“I feel amazing! I don’t know what you did but I feel fantastic and everyone had work has become so much more pleasant and easy to deal with. That experiment really worked!” she exclaimed. “How did you do it?” 

Her boss chuckled under his breath. 

“I didn’t actually do anything. You did.” 

Louise frowned. 

“What?” 

“Louise, you had such a hard time seeing anything positive in your life before. Everything made you frustrated. All I did was show you things you had to be grateful for and you did the rest.” 

Louise smiled weakly to herself. She thought back to how she felt a month ago and thought about how things had changed. 

“You can’t always control everything in your life, sometimes bad things are going to happen but you can always face a bad day with a good attitude and that’ll make all the difference,” her boss added. 

Louise smiled, realizing what her boss had done for her. She thanked him and decided to highlight his name at the top of her list.